Our Discussion Topics

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi Libby (or "guest"),

If you look at the black bar up toward the top of this webpage, you will see the word "register." If you would like to become a registered member of the forum, click on the word "register" and follow the prompts to join. You will be asked to choose a username; for the sake of privacy, don't choose anything that could identify you. You will also need to supply an email to join. Some people prefer to use an anonymous email, but know that your email will never be visible on the forums.

I hope you'll join us.

[nikkfitt]

Parents on this forum support each other and look for solutions.

Together, we discuss issues such as:

-- The phenomenon of female teens/young adults self-IDing as trans. -- something that has never occurred before

-- The issues faced by boys/ M teens/young men who ID as trans.

-- The role of social media and social contagion -- including the proliferation of vile You Tube videos/Tumblr posts

-- The increasingly young age of children being IDed as trans., and the hazards of Puberty Blockers such as Lupron

-- What role ADHD/ASD/OCD and other comorbid mental health conditions play in IDing as trans.

-- The increasing number of detransitioners; their stories and what that means for our children

-- The search for allied (or at least) objective doctors/psychiatrists/therapists

-- Alternative therapies/treatments to avoid Lupron/HRT/surgery

-- The news

I was just told about this site.  I have a 13 year old who, in the last 3 months, told us she is transgender.  We are being supportive but it literally, came out of nowhere.  She claims, she's been thinking about this for awhile but we had no clue.  Everything's happening so fast and we are overwhelmed.  Some days, I think, it's phase.  Some days, I don't know.  I hope that I can find support here.  Thanks

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Parents on this forum support each other and look for solutions.

Together, we discuss issues such as:

-- The phenomenon of female teens/young adults self-IDing as trans. -- something that has never occurred before

-- The issues faced by boys/ M teens/young men who ID as trans.

-- The role of social media and social contagion -- including the proliferation of vile You Tube videos/Tumblr posts

-- The increasingly young age of children being IDed as trans., and the hazards of Puberty Blockers such as Lupron

-- What role ADHD/ASD/OCD and other comorbid mental health conditions play in IDing as trans.

-- The increasing number of detransitioners; their stories and what that means for our children

-- The search for allied (or at least) objective doctors/psychiatrists/therapists

-- Alternative therapies/treatments to avoid Lupron/HRT/surgery

-- The news

I was just told about this site.  I have a 13 year old who, in the last 3 months, told us she is transgender.  We are being supportive but it literally, came out of nowhere.  She claims, she's been thinking about this for awhile but we had no clue.  Everything's happening so fast and we are overwhelmed.  Some days, I think, it's phase.  Some days, I don't know.  I hope that I can find support here.  Thanks

Hi Nikkfitt,

Welcome. I'm sorry to hear about what your family is going through. Yes, you will find support here; your story sounds very familiar: a child/teen claiming to be transgender out of the blue, after a happy earlier childhood, never giving even a hint that they wished to be the opposite sex. It seems there are many possible causes, everything from social contagion and autism to sexual assault, fear of growing up, and rejecting outdated gender roles. 

Your membership has now been activated and you can join the rest of the forum. Hope to see you there.

[Hockey4]

I am SO glad to have found this forum.  Our 17 year old daughter has self diagnosed  as non-binary and now says she feels more comfortable presenting as a boy.  She wears a binder and goes by he/him at school with her friends.  But at home with close friends and family she says she doesn’t mind using her name and she/her.   She keeps talking about one day maybe taking T. But my gut doesn’t believe that she really wants to fully transition. I hope we can can find a therapist to help guide us.

[MomOfOne]

Hi All,
I’m not sure if this is where I’m supposed to create a new post, I’m technologically impaired.

I’m new to this site and just looking for support from parents going though the same thing I am.Im not even sure where to begin. Last year my daughter came out as gay. I already knew this before she told us. She had cut her hair and started to dress more masculine. Soon after that she told me she was non binary, I also knew this as I sneak her phone every so often to check up on her. She had been looking up non binary stuff of YouTube.

Cut to this past March and she started to have a lot of problems. Her behavior was changing and her grades were dropping. The school counselor called us in because a parent of her friend had voiced concerns over her mental health. My daughter admitted to the counselor that she has thought about suicide. My husband and I took her to a children’s mental health hospital where she stayed for a week. During this time it came out that my younger brother had been molesting her between ages 6-11. He was 10-15. We were floored. Everything was hotlines and my daughter was placed on a small dose of meds for depression and PTSD. She was good for about a month.

Her agitation started to increase recently and she has spent more time in her room with the door shut. She finally told us that she has changed her name to Grayson for the past year and wants to be referred to as a boy. She gets mad if I even bring up periods or anything to do with femininity. This was never a problem in the past. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else had their child want to change genders after sexual trauma? My heart tells me this has to be the reason why. I just don’t know what to do. Ive been trying to find a therapist that is right for this situation. I don’t want someone who is just going to tell me to accept this without them trying to figure out if this is due to the trauma.

Sorry if this list is all over the place. I’m just in a very dark place right now. Our family is being torn apart and I don’t know how to fix it.

[Condemned]

MomofOne, I am sure that GCDAD will your post to the safest and most appropriate place. However, I just wanted to say that sexual trauma is one of the top reasons for transitioning. You have come to the right place for a support group.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi MomofOne an welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about what your family is going through. I don't know if there are any official statistics of how many girls who claim a boy transgender identity have been sexually assaulted, but I can tell you it is a story seen frequently. It makes complete sense: your sexed female body attracts predators, so become a boy for double protection. 1. you're a boy now so you're now strong and brave, and 2. your female body is destroyed (or at least disguised) so you are no longer looked upon as desirable prey by predators.

I see you are now registered and so you should have access to the entire forum. In a few days, once I know you've seen this message and have access to the rest of the forum, I will move this post out of the public forum for your privacy.

I'm sorry for your troubles but glad you found the forum.

---

I am SO glad to have found this forum.  Our 17 year old daughter has self diagnosed  as non-binary and now says she feels more comfortable presenting as a boy.  She wears a binder and goes by he/him at school with her friends.  But at home with close friends and family she says she doesn’t mind using her name and she/her.   She keeps talking about one day maybe taking T. But my gut doesn’t believe that she really wants to fully transition. I hope we can can find a therapist to help guide us.

Hi Hockey4 and welcome. I'm sorry for your need of this group but glad you found us.

---

Hi LostMum, now that you have access to the entire forum, I'm deleting your post from this public thread for your family's privacy. I hope you don't mind!

[Guest]

I am looking for some kind of support group on understanding things. My 11 year old daughter was at school and went to the bathroom cut all of her hair off. When I got there she was in the office. The school counselor told me that my child stated she wanted to be a boy that she doesnt want to be a girl anymore. Once I got her in the car and was able to speak to her one on one she finally came out and told me that she has felt like a boy for a long time and that she was attracted to girls. I love my child to death and I back her on whatever she wants I just don't know how to help her deal with other people judging and making her feel like she is a freak. But after she told me you could see it in her face that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she actually started smiling and just felt so good to be able to tell me. Does anyone have any input and guidance for me? The school wants me to put her in a center for treatment which I think is disgusting and I would never do that.

[GCDad]

[quote pid='14115' dateline='1526541763']
I am looking for some kind of support group on understanding things. My 11 year old daughter was at school and went to the bathroom cut all of her hair off. When I got there she was in the office. The school counselor told me that my child stated she wanted to be a boy that she doesnt want to be a girl anymore. Once I got her in the car and was able to speak to her one on one she finally came out and told me that she has felt like a boy for a long time and that she was attracted to girls. I love my child to death and I back her on whatever she wants I just don't  know how to help her deal with other people judging and making her feel like she is a freak. But after she told me you could see it in her face that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she actually started smiling and just felt so good to be able to tell me. Does anyone have any input and guidance for me? The school wants me to put her in a center for treatment which I think is disgusting and I would never do that.
[/quote]

Hi, 

It sounds like you are going thru a horrible time. Many of us here have been thru similar situations and still are.  There is no quick fix, but knowing you are not alone does help and we share our stories and how we deal with things. 

if you register on this board (here: ) there are loads of topics and posts on all this sort of stuff. Once your registered, go to the members forums (https://gendercriticalresources.com/Supp....php?fid=1) 

Also theres websites like https://4thwavenow.com/ and https://www.transgendertrend.com/resources-for-parents/ who are great

[georgie11]

I am so glad that I have found this forum. My 17 year old daughter has been for two years trying to transition to a boy but is afraid of upsetting us so she is only trying to dress as a boy (which I passively sabotage).  She does have a smart phone and her own laptop which I have severely limited her online time and blocked some apps on her phone including tumblr, reddit and youtube and any incognito browsers.  

I KNOW that she has been indoctrinated online because she has autism and has no friends outside of the internet. Also, I stalked her on Reddit and she was talking to adults about transgender transitioning.

My husband and I are devastated. We have put our foot down and told her that transitioning, dressing like a boy, using male pronouns or any other type of transition will NEVER happen.  Since she has autism we can get a guardianship, which we almost decided against because she was lying and saying she was dropping the issue, but just today I checked my online parenting control website and saw her texting a friend about wanting to transition again.  I will be calling a lawyer that her behavioral pediatrician gave me about a partial guardianship or conservatorship.  One that will prevent her from moving out, making medical and financial decisions and even who she associates with.  She is not of the mind to make those decision with having autism.

On the other hand our hopes and dreams are that she finishes high school with honors (she is well on her way) goes to college and has a successful career in computer related field.

Oh, we are so disappointed and sad.  I get very depressed when she acts up like this. I suffer from anxiety and depression and the anxiety has been so severe lately that I had to quit a job that I just started and I am on medication.  Now finding this out today makes me spiral into depression.  And guess what? Today is my 19th wedding anniversary!!  What a bummer. My husband works a very demanding job and if I tell him what I found today he will not be of the right mind to complete his work tonight (he has to do some work from home most nights).

I did reach out to a therapist who is Christian and should side with me about getting to the bottom of why she is wanting to be a boy and not encouraging her any further.  I pray that they can see her.  I am trying to keep her busy but I am starting a new job from home and I have to work.  She will end up bored and playing video games and wanting to go on the internet.

What is there to do? I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to make her go back to the cute girl I once knew.  I have been praying for years that she would accept her femininity. I am still waiting for my answer to prayer.