Please note that new posts in this forum must be approved by a moderator before becoming visible.
Post a New Reply
Reply to thread: Our Discussion Topics
Username:
Post Subject:
Post Icon:
Your Message:
Smilies
Smile Wink Cool Big Grin
Tongue Rolleyes Shy Sad
At Angel Angry Blush
Confused Dodgy Exclamation Heart
Huh Idea Sleepy Undecided
[get more]
Post Options:
Thread Subscription:
Specify the type of notification and thread subscription you'd like to have to this thread. (Registered users only)




Human Verification
Please tick the checkbox that you see below. This process is used to prevent automated spam bots.


This is the Public Section of the Board. Please remember:
This Sub Forum is readable by Guests. It is here for:

PUBLIC INFORMATION About Gender Critical

Explanations for Guests about who we are/what we discuss.

Please do not post discussions with other members here.


Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by TChealing - 08-Apr-2021, 06:05 PM
(26-Feb-2021, 05:10 AM)Betterdaysahead Wrote: Hey there, I’m not sure if I’m posting this correctly, but here it goes. My 13 year old daughter recently came to me and said she is a boy. It’ was out of the blue, and so confusing. She is internationally adopted, has always been socially awkward, because of COVID, she’s been home and online for the past year. She’s never had many friends, but has developed a “friend” group online. I feel bad because I wasn’t monitoring her online use like I should have... I had no idea that there were so many different terms on gender and sexual orientation. She said while she was researching things to help her friends through their transitions, she realized that she’s actually transgender. She said these friends started calling her by different pronouns, and that it felt really good.

I probably didn’t handle it the best when she told me. I was angry and she said I made it about me, and that I made her feel awful, because she was already doubting herself. Now that’s she’s told me, and I’ve told her I don’t agree, she is digging her heels in even harder. We will continue to use her name, we still use girl pronouns, we’ve taken away her phone and computer, but I’m still so scared, confused, angry, etc.

I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing... maybe I’m the one that’s wrong in this situation. I don’t know? This whole thing just sucks, and I never in my wildest thoughts would have predicted we’d be going through this! Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to navigate, what to say, and tips to help her. Thank you!!!
I feel for you, I and everyone here never thought we'd be going through this. I figured my daughter would go through hard times during puberty and would have body image issues but never this type of behaviour.  My daughter is even younger, at 10.5, and is going through puberty and staying at home during covid and doing school, isolated, she has had higher levels of anxiety and now has said she is a boy and that is really shocking to me.  I hope she snaps out of it.  I've reached out to a local psychiatrist who is controversial in my city because he tries to help kids go back to normal and not transition so I hope she can see him and get some other help for the underlying issues of not having friends and always being online.  I hate the world that we've created with all of this technology.  The saying was always that technology will be our downfall as humans and it just keeps getting worse when they have access to all of these social media sites.  I also wish I had spent more time with her and got her off of the social media and never allowed it but she uses the computer for school so I can't block everything, i'll just have to block sites.  I just don't want her to hate me and rebel further the more I try to push her away from it, it's such a difficult thing to go through and I completely sympathize with you.  Thanks.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 26-Feb-2021, 06:52 PM
(26-Feb-2021, 05:10 AM)Betterdaysahead Wrote: Hey there, I’m not sure if I’m posting this correctly, but here it goes. My 13 year old daughter recently came to me and said she is a boy. It’ was out of the blue, and so confusing. She is internationally adopted, has always been socially awkward, because of COVID, she’s been home and online for the past year. She’s never had many friends, but has developed a “friend” group online. I feel bad because I wasn’t monitoring her online use like I should have... I had no idea that there were so many different terms on gender and sexual orientation. She said while she was researching things to help her friends through their transitions, she realized that she’s actually transgender. She said these friends started calling her by different pronouns, and that it felt really good.

I probably didn’t handle it the best when she told me. I was angry and she said I made it about me, and that I made her feel awful, because she was already doubting herself. Now that’s she’s told me, and I’ve told her I don’t agree, she is digging her heels in even harder. We will continue to use her name, we still use girl pronouns, we’ve taken away her phone and computer, but I’m still so scared, confused, angry, etc.

I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing... maybe I’m the one that’s wrong in this situation. I don’t know? This whole thing just sucks, and I never in my wildest thoughts would have predicted we’d be going through this! Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to navigate, what to say, and tips to help her. Thank you!!!

Hello, Betterdaysahead,

Welcome to the forum. Your account has been activated. I invite you to post in the members-only area, as forum members don't frequent this public portion of the forum too often. In the members-only area, in addition to getting more replies to your questions, you'll also find lots of support and advice.

I will say your situation sounds very familiar. You mention your daughter was adopted internationally; it seems these kids are overrepresented (as are all adoptees, really) among kids who come to believe they are trans. It's hypothesized adoptees are more susceptible to identity questioning, which makes sense.

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
Posted by Betterdaysahead - 26-Feb-2021, 05:10 AM
Hey there, I’m not sure if I’m posting this correctly, but here it goes. My 13 year old daughter recently came to me and said she is a boy. It’ was out of the blue, and so confusing. She is internationally adopted, has always been socially awkward, because of COVID, she’s been home and online for the past year. She’s never had many friends, but has developed a “friend” group online. I feel bad because I wasn’t monitoring her online use like I should have... I had no idea that there were so many different terms on gender and sexual orientation. She said while she was researching things to help her friends through their transitions, she realized that she’s actually transgender. She said these friends started calling her by different pronouns, and that it felt really good.

I probably didn’t handle it the best when she told me. I was angry and she said I made it about me, and that I made her feel awful, because she was already doubting herself. Now that’s she’s told me, and I’ve told her I don’t agree, she is digging her heels in even harder. We will continue to use her name, we still use girl pronouns, we’ve taken away her phone and computer, but I’m still so scared, confused, angry, etc.

I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing... maybe I’m the one that’s wrong in this situation. I don’t know? This whole thing just sucks, and I never in my wildest thoughts would have predicted we’d be going through this! Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to navigate, what to say, and tips to help her. Thank you!!!
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 02-Jan-2021, 02:37 PM
(02-Jan-2021, 12:40 PM)Peppin Wrote: Hi. How do I activate my account? I haven't received any email to do so. I am confused like all the parents here. I hope to find some insight. I do not understand. My son first mentioned he was trans at the age of 15. Then nothing and then he mentioned it again. Both times he had a female friend who is very much into LGBTQ. My son has never behaved like a girl. He does not think like a girl. He always wanted to play with boys' toys - mainly toy guns and shooting computer games. And now he wants hormones to become a girl. he speaks of a discomfort with himself, with his body. I honestly do not understand. I hope some here have some insight, or can give some support. I am a single mom and I don't know what to do. I am afraid that he is doing a mistake because I don't see any signs of him being female in any of his ways. Why is he disowning his true self? His dad is abusive and I think he cannot identify with the maleness of his dad in any way. And this might be an issue. But I doubt it is acting alone. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome that? And could his female friend be influencing him? Can someone really influence a person to change gender? Is that even possible? I have so many questions.

Hi Peppin, thanks for your patience. All accounts must be manually activated by a moderator before gaining access to the members-only area. Your account has now been activated. Please post back here if you are still cannot access the members-only forums. I encourage you to post your questions above in the members-only area, as this area of the forum doesn't get much traffic.

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
Posted by Jdmum - 02-Jan-2021, 12:47 PM
(02-Jan-2021, 12:40 PM)Peppin Wrote: Hi. How do I activate my account? I haven't received any email to do so. I am confused like all the parents here. I hope to find some insight. I do not understand. My son first mentioned he was trans at the age of 15. Then nothing and then he mentioned it again. Both times he had a female friend who is very much into LGBTQ. My son has never behaved like a girl. He does not think like a girl. He always wanted to play with boys' toys - mainly toy guns and shooting computer games. And now he wants hormones to become a girl. he speaks of a discomfort with himself, with his body. I honestly do not understand. I hope some here have some insight, or can give some support. I am a single mom and I don't know what to do. I am afraid that he is doing a mistake because I don't see any signs of him being female in any of his ways. Why is he disowning his true self? His dad is abusive and I think he cannot identify with the maleness of his dad in any way. And this might be an issue. But I doubt it is acting alone. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome that? And could his female friend be influencing him? Can someone really influence a person to change gender? Is that even possible? I have so many questions.
Hi Peppin,  your account has to be activated by moderators.  I am sure it will be activated soon & then you can post in the forum where you can ask questions & speak to others in the same position x
Posted by Peppin - 02-Jan-2021, 12:40 PM
Hi. How do I activate my account? I haven't received any email to do so. I am confused like all the parents here. I hope to find some insight. I do not understand.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 29-Dec-2020, 09:36 PM
Hello, InNeedOfAdvice,

I'm sorry to hear of yet another story so similar to so many others. Now that your membership has been activated, I encourage you to post in the members-only area, where you are likely to get more responses.

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
Posted by InNeedOfAdvice - 29-Dec-2020, 06:27 PM
Hello. I guess my story is the same as many others on this site. My 13 year old daughter came to me and told me that she was non-binary about 6 months ago. Then she said she was trans and when I asked her about it she said that non-binary is a form of trans but then last night she made a comment about waiting until she was an adult to transition. This came out of the blue. She never gave any indication that she wanted to be a boy. She got her period about 6 months prior to her announcing this and also had a "boyfriend" who "cheated" on her. I put quotes because I don't think they ever even held hands and although the "cheating" was him making out with a now former friend of hers who seems to be heading in the direction of teen pregnancy. This girl is the girl who announced one day that my daughter was now "dating" this boy. She was a problem to me in that she would tie her shirt up to show her belly and my daughter started doing the same. After all this happened she cut off all her hair, wears 3 bras in an attempt to bind herself and wears her older brothers old clothes. She has a TikTok account where she is very popular doing cosplay of boys and all the comments refer to her as a "king" and a boy. I don't even recognize her anymore. I found a piece of paper where she wrote all over it about being trans like "it's not a phase" etc and one of the comments was "boys can never hurt me again". Maybe it's in response to this boy who hurt her? She went from being one of the most popular girls in school to being pretty much antisocial and only associating with one or two friends who will tolerate her constant obsession with the LGBTQ community. EVERYTHING in her life is about LGBTQ now. She is extremely obsessed with it. Like others, I wish I never got her a phone or laptop. Now that the pandemic has hit and she does school online I cannot get rid of her laptop or the internet and I feel helpless with what she watches and who she communicates with. I have a son who is 15 and she has a twin sister who is 13 so whenever I try to change the rules regarding their devices and internet I am severely gained up on. I am also a single parent with no father around so it is just me. I feel outnumbered. I feel overwhelmed. I feel helpless and heartbroken. I miss my daughter. On the plus side she has no problem talking to me about this as long as I listen and don't say anything that isn't to her liking. She is increasingly moody and will fly off the handle easily and then just as easily be back to normal in her mood. The school calls her a "he" and her "preferred name" like she requested. It really annoys me how me as a parent has no say in any of this with them. I have tried really hard to be supportive and I let her have her own fashion, decorations in her room etc but I won't call her by a different name or pronoun. I just can't do it. It makes her mad but she has seemed to let go of her anger over that part. I told her that I worked really hard on coming up with the best name for her and that because of that, I want to continue using her name that I gave her. I just keep waiting for this nightmare to be over. My other two kids don't understand why it's such a big deal to me. My friends tell me that I should be supportive and do what she asks like I am this terrible intolerant person. I'm not. I have always raised my kids to believe that race, sex, religion are to be respected so I guess I feel like a bit of a hypocrite but it is def a different sceneiro when it's YOUR child who wants to changer her sex. I am all alone. I just want to yell at her and tell her to quit all this BS and force her to be her old self. I don't of course do that but I wish so much that it would be that simple and that she would change back. I keep waiting for the day that she tells me she's changed her mind. I'm still waiting. I just truly don't believe that she is transgender. I don't know if this pandemic in combination with the boy she dated and her period manifested this? I just NEED this to stop. I want my daughter back. I want to be able to take away all social media, internet, everything but I feel like I am just in so deep now with these kids. I am just finding this all so hard to deal with and it just gets harder every day. I try to listen to her when she goes on and on about being trans and how her "x" calls her an "it" and how she seems to take some sort of pleasure in that and just her going on and on about being trans in general but how can I share in her new found "joy" of all of this when it breaks my heart? Anyways, thank you for listening.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 10-Dec-2020, 02:07 AM
(09-Dec-2020, 07:15 PM)Jabberwok Wrote: Hi, I’m not sure if this is the right place.  My 18 yr old daughter has identified as trans for a year.  She will graduate in a few months and leave the house and is determined to get testosterone when she leaves.  I would like to get a base line of where her hormones are right now.  Is this something you recommend?  Would I go to a hormone specialist? 
Thanks

Hi Jabberwok,
Your account has been activated. Thanks for your patience. 

I encourage you to ask your question in the members-only forum, now that you have access to it. You're much more likely to get a response there. Forum members don't tend to visit this area too often.

Thanks for joining; I hope you'll find the forum helpful. You are not alone.
Posted by Jabberwok - 09-Dec-2020, 07:15 PM
Hi, I’m not sure if this is the right place.  My 18 yr old daughter has identified as trans for a year.  She will graduate in a few months and leave the house and is determined to get testosterone when she leaves.  I would like to get a base line of where her hormones are right now.  Is this something you recommend?  Would I go to a hormone specialist? 
Thanks
This thread has more than 10 replies. Read the whole thread.