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Posted by Fading Hope - 27-Sep-2020, 10:50 PM
(27-Sep-2020, 03:36 PM)Dadof2 Wrote: Fading Hope

Hi,
I'm a parent of a teen who told us 2 years ago that she was nonbinary. A few months later, she changed that to trans boy. She had, up until that point, been a big fan of skirts and occasionally dresses. She didn't care a lot for playing with dolls but played with stuffed animals in that way. She loved princesses but also dinosaurs. We always encouraged that girls can like and do whatever boys do. This was completely out of left field and unexpected. She used to love swimming, and had done a lot of it just a few months before this revelation, but since then hasn't been in a pool once. She mostly stays in her room now. It's hard to get her to do anything else.

Hi Fading Hope,
Your story sounds much like what has happened to our son since he decided that he is trans.  He enjoyed all sorts of boy activities and still to me seems to have many of the interests that I think of being a boy's.  But like your daughter with her swimming he has given up playing the piano which he was very good at. And he spends a lot of time in his room. 

Fortunately this month his job as a teacher's assistant working with young children has resumed, and the kids are actually in school so every weekday he's out of the house, interacting him with them and with the rest of the teaching staff and making the two-mile round-trip walk back and forth.  It's all made a difference in his state of mind, so far as I can see, and also given my wife and me something we can talk with him about now.  So anything that will get your daughter out regularly and interacting may help, job or volunteer activity. 

I still worry about the time he spends alone though (weekends mostly now) and wonder whether he's found that being online supports his trans identity. 

Anyway, let's keep talking.  Whatever reality there is to gender dysphoria (and I have my doubts there is much), I suspect kids like ours have not had it but instead are swept up in what now seems like a solution to identity issues that they like most young people have that stem from other issues.  So just maybe, Fading Hope, there is hope that our kids will come to see the answers they are searching for are not in changing their bodies but instead doing the work of really coming to understand who they are meant to be.  That is my prayer for my son. I would be pleased to add your daughter to my prayers.
Thank you so much for the offered prayers. I will do the same for you.
Posted by Dadof2 - 27-Sep-2020, 03:36 PM
Fading Hope

Hi,
I'm a parent of a teen who told us 2 years ago that she was nonbinary. A few months later, she changed that to trans boy. She had, up until that point, been a big fan of skirts and occasionally dresses. She didn't care a lot for playing with dolls but played with stuffed animals in that way. She loved princesses but also dinosaurs. We always encouraged that girls can like and do whatever boys do. This was completely out of left field and unexpected. She used to love swimming, and had done a lot of it just a few months before this revelation, but since then hasn't been in a pool once. She mostly stays in her room now. It's hard to get her to do anything else.

Hi Fading Hope,
Your story sounds much like what has happened to our son since he decided that he is trans.  He enjoyed all sorts of boy activities and still to me seems to have many of the interests that I think of being a boy's.  But like your daughter with her swimming he has given up playing the piano which he was very good at. And he spends a lot of time in his room. 

Fortunately this month his job as a teacher's assistant working with young children has resumed, and the kids are actually in school so every weekday he's out of the house, interacting him with them and with the rest of the teaching staff and making the two-mile round-trip walk back and forth.  It's all made a difference in his state of mind, so far as I can see, and also given my wife and me something we can talk with him about now.  So anything that will get your daughter out regularly and interacting may help, job or volunteer activity. 

I still worry about the time he spends alone though (weekends mostly now) and wonder whether he's found that being online supports his trans identity. 

Anyway, let's keep talking.  Whatever reality there is to gender dysphoria (and I have my doubts there is much), I suspect kids like ours have not had it but instead are swept up in what now seems like a solution to identity issues that they like most young people have that stem from other issues.  So just maybe, Fading Hope, there is hope that our kids will come to see the answers they are searching for are not in changing their bodies but instead doing the work of really coming to understand who they are meant to be.  That is my prayer for my son. I would be pleased to add your daughter to my prayers.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Sep-2020, 02:58 PM
(27-Sep-2020, 03:25 AM)Fading Hope Wrote: Hi,
I'm a parent of a teen who told us 2 years ago that she was nonbinary. A few months later, she changed that to trans boy. She had, up until that point, been a big fan of skirts and occasionally dresses. She didn't care a lot for playing with dolls but played with stuffed animals in that way. She loved princesses but also dinosaurs. We always encouraged that girls can like and do whatever boys do. This was completely out of left field and unexpected. She used to love swimming, and had done a lot of it just a few months before this revelation, but since then hasn't been in a pool once. She mostly stays in her room now. It's hard to get her to do anything else.

Hi Fading Hope, and welcome to the forum. Your story/your daughter's story sounds so much like what so many of us are dealing with. It seems our kids are caught up in some sort of movement or trend, and follow along with what they are told should happen or what they should do next. It is nuts they are being told that liking or not liking certain toys has any sort of bearing on whether or not they need to see an endocrinologist for hormones and a plastic surgeon for surgery.

Your account has been activated. I encourage you to tell your story in the members-only section, as members generally don't frequent this part of the forum much.

I hope you find the forum helpful. You are not alone.
Posted by Fading Hope - 27-Sep-2020, 03:25 AM
Hi,
I'm a parent of a teen who told us 2 years ago that she was nonbinary. A few months later, she changed that to trans boy. She had, up until that point, been a big fan of skirts and occasionally dresses. She didn't care a lot for playing with dolls but played with stuffed animals in that way. She loved princesses but also dinosaurs. We always encouraged that girls can like and do whatever boys do. This was completely out of left field and unexpected. She used to love swimming, and had done a lot of it just a few months before this revelation, but since then hasn't been in a pool once. She mostly stays in her room now. It's hard to get her to do anything else.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 14-Sep-2020, 04:21 AM
(13-Sep-2020, 10:13 PM)Dadof2 Wrote: Hi Libby, I too am the parent of an adult and distressed by what he had chosen.

I'm the father of a 23-year old son who has been getting estrogen in the process of transitioning.  I am new to this site, and am so thankful to have found it.  My wife and I fortunately have the same view of what he is doing to himself -- concern about the harms he is doing to his body, and about the neglect of the real identity issues that he needs to be exploring, and convinced that the ideology that allows such treatments is dangerous and untrue.  Thank God we can talk to each other. 

But it seems there is no one else we can speak with, that the medical profession and psychological counselors have all subscribed to and celebrate that ideology.  I would talk to my son about it if I could.  But although he lives with us he minimally interacts with us, can be quite curt, and on this subject will speak not at all.  I have prayed he will come to see the truth about what he is doing and tried to share articles that will help him to do that.  Other than that it seems all we can do is of all things the most important, which is to love him.  But is it the only thing?

He works, but is on my health insurance and so in a sense it is my work that goes to support this destructive process that I utterly oppose.  I want to do something! Is there a way to keep the doctors from continuing to do this to him, keep the insurance from paying them?  Has anyone, for example, heard of legal actions to do this? I know he is in the eyes of the law an adult who makes his own medical decisions, but he has not fully developed an adult mind.  Nor do I think he has been honestly counseled.  Is there anything that I can do?  I feel as though I am watching, and even enabling, a great crime, crime against him, that I would do anything to stop.

Hello, Dadof2. Welcome to the forum.

Your account has been activated and you may now access the members-only portion of the forum. I encourage you to post your questions there, as this portion of the forum doesn't get much traffic from our members.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. You are not alone.

I hope you'll find the forum helpful.
Posted by Dadof2 - 13-Sep-2020, 10:13 PM
Hi Libby, I too am the parent of an adult and distressed by what he had chosen.

I'm the father of a 23-year old son who has been getting estrogen in the process of transitioning.  I am new to this site, and am so thankful to have found it.  My wife and I fortunately have the same view of what he is doing to himself -- concern about the harms he is doing to his body, and about the neglect of the real identity issues that he needs to be exploring, and convinced that the ideology that allows such treatments is dangerous and untrue.  Thank God we can talk to each other. 

But it seems there is no one else we can speak with, that the medical profession and psychological counselors have all subscribed to and celebrate that ideology.  I would talk to my son about it if I could.  But although he lives with us he minimally interacts with us, can be quite curt, and on this subject will speak not at all.  I have prayed he will come to see the truth about what he is doing and tried to share articles that will help him to do that.  Other than that it seems all we can do is of all things the most important, which is to love him.  But is it the only thing?

He works, but is on my health insurance and so in a sense it is my work that goes to support this destructive process that I utterly oppose.  I want to do something! Is there a way to keep the doctors from continuing to do this to him, keep the insurance from paying them?  Has anyone, for example, heard of legal actions to do this? I know he is in the eyes of the law an adult who makes his own medical decisions, but he has not fully developed an adult mind.  Nor do I think he has been honestly counseled.  Is there anything that I can do?  I feel as though I am watching, and even enabling, a great crime, crime against him, that I would do anything to stop.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 13-Sep-2020, 05:10 AM
(13-Sep-2020, 03:36 AM)MikeD Wrote: signed up but unsure how to access the members section?

By way of introduction, our 16 y/o daughter revealed to me 2 weeks ago that she has been identifying as trans for a year, completely unbeknownst to me. We have been completely blindsided by this revelation and are left to wonder how we could have missed it...She's a very intelligent girl and good student, but has struggled with some anxiety and mild depression. There have been no indications in dress, interests or anything typically associated with maleness whatsoever - almost to the contrary. A few weeks worth of frantic research have brought to light for us this terrifying new trend in young teenage girls and has led us here seeking answers, information and support. We desperately love our child and are terrified of losing her and of her making decisions that could drastically impact the rest of her life. feeling utterly broken

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about what you're dealing with.

Sorry for the delay in activating your membership; all memberships must be manually activated by a moderator and sometimes it takes us a bit to get to them. Your membership is now activated.

I hope you will find the forum useful.
Posted by MikeD - 13-Sep-2020, 03:36 AM
signed up but unsure how to access the members section?

By way of introduction, our 16 y/o daughter revealed to me 2 weeks ago that she has been identifying as trans for a year, completely unbeknownst to me. We have been completely blindsided by this revelation and are left to wonder how we could have missed it...She's a very intelligent girl and good student, but has struggled with some anxiety and mild depression. There have been no indications in dress, interests or anything typically associated with maleness whatsoever - almost to the contrary. A few weeks worth of frantic research have brought to light for us this terrifying new trend in young teenage girls and has led us here seeking answers, information and support. We desperately love our child and are terrified of losing her and of her making decisions that could drastically impact the rest of her life. feeling utterly broken
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 04-Aug-2020, 12:59 AM
(03-Aug-2020, 10:13 PM)dharma blade Wrote: Joined up after my 11 yr old daughter dropped what I see is being termed "the form letter" on me announcing her intent. So began researching and glad I found this forum. I cannot believe this is such a huge thing!  I figured it was a niche issue however it's hundreds if not thousands of kids. 
I've always thought of myself as an ally of the LGBTG community, where I support Adults making these decisions wholeheartedly, or at least I did.
Looking into it, it seems there are very militant trans adults trolling youtube for kids like my daughter and taking active measures to bring them into the trans fold. 
I'm afraid I'm closing in on being a fascist about social media with her just to keep these people away.  Local police could care less unless there is an attempt to traffic or entice for sex, yet I see it as being groomed just like those things are. 
Does anyone know if there are any legal resources to go after adults that are actively seeking pre-teen children to coax into this con?

(07-Jun-2020, 02:10 PM)Brookiema79 Wrote: My 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy. That she feels like a boy. I have had my suspicions and knew the time had come to confront them.  We had a long talk and I told her that although I love her, will always be right by her side, and empathize with the confusion and torment she may be feeling over this, that I don’t BLAME HER for her feelings, but that we (she and I), will not agree to accept that lifestyle. I feel like my world is falling apart and just want my little girl back. I feel so alone and ashamed and I blame myself. I created her! I can’t stop crying. I did not share these feelings with her. Except that I blame myself. I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her until I figure out what to do. I realize that in my situation, immediate and consistent action is going to have to be taken. I am glad I found this board and hope that I can get some insight from it. I am at the beginning of what I believe is going to be a difficult road for me and my girl. And I just want my baby back.
 
How are we all going through this?  It's insane!  These should be the years we're talking about normal teenage stuff, not them becoming another person as if they can just discard who they are and start over new, and it's PROMOTED by professionals and the media.  I really hope you can find a path forward with your daughter and she comes back to you.

Hi dharma blade, and welcome. Your account has been activated.

You ask some great questions and raise some great points. I encourage you to take your questions and observations to our members-only forum, as this part of the forum does not receive much traffic from our members.

I'm sorry to hear of yet another 11-year-old getting swept up in this. The good news is that she has more than 6 years to go before she is a legal adult. Time is on your side. Yet, of course this doesn't mean there is no need to worry. 

Welcome to the forum; I hope you'll find the information and fellowship here helpful.
Posted by dharma blade - 03-Aug-2020, 10:13 PM
Joined up after my 11 yr old daughter dropped what I see is being termed "the form letter" on me announcing her intent. So began researching and glad I found this forum. I cannot believe this is such a huge thing! I figured it was a niche issue however it's hundreds if not thousands of kids.
I've always thought of myself as an ally of the LGBTG community, where I support Adults making these decisions wholeheartedly, or at least I did.
Looking into it, it seems there are very militant trans adults trolling youtube for kids like my daughter and taking active measures to bring them into the trans fold.
I'm afraid I'm closing in on being a fascist about social media with her just to keep these people away. Local police could care less unless there is an attempt to traffic or entice for sex, yet I see it as being groomed just like those things are.
Does anyone know if there are any legal resources to go after adults that are actively seeking pre-teen children to coax into this con?

(07-Jun-2020, 02:10 PM)Brookiema79 Wrote: My 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy. That she feels like a boy. I have had my suspicions and knew the time had come to confront them.  We had a long talk and I told her that although I love her, will always be right by her side, and empathize with the confusion and torment she may be feeling over this, that I don’t BLAME HER for her feelings, but that we (she and I), will not agree to accept that lifestyle. I feel like my world is falling apart and just want my little girl back. I feel so alone and ashamed and I blame myself. I created her! I can’t stop crying. I did not share these feelings with her. Except that I blame myself. I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her until I figure out what to do. I realize that in my situation, immediate and consistent action is going to have to be taken. I am glad I found this board and hope that I can get some insight from it. I am at the beginning of what I believe is going to be a difficult road for me and my girl. And I just want my baby back.
 
How are we all going through this?  It's insane!  These should be the years we're talking about normal teenage stuff, not them becoming another person as if they can just discard who they are and start over new, and it's PROMOTED by professionals and the media.  I really hope you can find a path forward with your daughter and she comes back to you.
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