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[Heroshero]

So glad that I am not alone in this and yet so sad that I even have to be here. My head is spinning with thoughts as I can identify with so many on here! I don’t know where to start. My 13 yo daughter told us about a year ago that the wanted to be a boy. Out of NOWHERE! So many things don’t add up when you read/hear about those that are truly trans, i.e. they have felt and acted that way from early on.
When she was younger she WAS a girly-girl, enjoyed shopping, make-up, nails, baby-dolls...the whole thing...none of that was ever pushed on her. She has an older brother so my take is that if she truly was/is she would have been more interested in his stuff then.
Coincidentally this all came about halfway through 6th grade. Our school boundaries are a little bit whacky, so most of her female friends all went to a different middle school than her. (However, they will all end up at the same high school.) I was not too concerned for her as she is/was very outgoing and never had trouble making friends. She would still see these girls on the soccer team and through other social actitivties. She also got her period in 5th grade and really started blooming shortly after. We all know this is a difficult time for kids at this age. I am wondering if her lack of female friends, on a regular basis, pushed her to wanting to be a boy so she could fit in with her male friends ?? I also went from a mostly part time, low demand job to a very full time, high demand job around this time. Again, she had always been so resilient. Looking back, did my “lack of time” for her present as uncaring and disinterested?

Other similarities to all these stories cell phone and internet influence. (I will have to go read the articles on how to block certain sites.) Just like others she is in the gifted program, but she has not been diagnosed with any mental issues (depression, adhd, etc), though her brother, also gifted, has. She is extremely creative and is a talented writer and artist. She used to write A LOT and kept her friends entertained with her stories. They would be on pins and needles waiting for her to finish the next chapter. Her art is impressive and she has taken to anime. THIS is where the similarities end... I haven’t seen anyone else mention their child being into anime. However, in other research I have seen a correlation to anime and the whole trans thing. I don’t know much about anime, but I do know that there are a lot of gender-neutral characters. She became friends with a boy at school through anime. This boy claims he is bi-sexual (according to her), I have met him. He is very nice and quite shy. I have also met his father, who is also very nice, but not shy, lol... I am thinking that she and this boy have clicked because neither of them feel/felt like they fit in at their school. This boy went to a different elem school and will go to a different hs, within our district. She told her counselor that she go the idea from an anime video!

She told me in a text message while i was at work! I was stunned and couldn’t react immediately. She eventually told my husband in a letter. We decided not to handle this lightly and sought counseling for her. Which i now feel was a BIG mistake. This counselor has made things worse. I think she meant well, but it just worsened the whole thing. Initially she asked my daughter to research it more, I guess thinking that she would say “oh, yeah, that’s not really me.” After a lot of money and many sessions, it came to my daughter wants her breasts removed, wants to keep her female reproductive system, wants to present as a boy, is attracted to boys, but is not gay, has a name “Leo” which i find laughable as it is her astrological sign....TALK ABOUT CONFUSED!! She is quite stubborn and our concern now is that she has rung this bell and doesn’t know how to un-ring it. Her periods were bad for a while. The girl who rarely cries would be balled up on the floor bawling in pain. I agreed to take her to a pediatric GYN (yes, there is such a thing.) and she was put on a very low dose pill. It has greatly eased her periods to being almost nothing. She has not seen the counselor since being on the pill. I am strongly considering not sending her back and letting this play out on it’s own.

I will be setting stricter rules regarding devices. They are not allowed to have their phones in their rooms at night, but currently I don’t restrict their daytime use. Additionally, both kids are home unsupervised 2-3 hours/day on school days. We dont have a landline, so I cannot take her phone away.

I am really hoping to find encouragement, support, and ideas on how to handle this.

Hi Lizzie,
Welcome, and so sorry you’re going through this pain. You sound like a very attentive and loving mother.
Interesting to note that I was at the peak of success in my career when my daughter came out at age 12. She was having considerable problems fitting in at school. I remember the arguments we’d have, where I would say “why do you need to be male, when you can see that I’m a successful businesswoman, built my own company from the ground up, and I can do anything I want with it?”
I felt, and still feel, that I was showing my daughters a positive female role model.
I told her she has no idea how many women around the world get a fraction of our freedom, and that she was spitting in the eyes of all the women who fought for us to have the privileges we have in the USA.
She rolled her eyes and said “ I don’t care about feminism. It makes no sense to me.”.