finding reliable medical practitioners

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello,

I am looking for a therapist in Orange County, CA for my 13-year-old daughter who announced she was transgender in June 2021.  My daughter was seen by Ajanta Naidu, MD at The UCI Gender Diversity Program. Dr. Naidu was quick to assess my child & recommended for me to start her in the transition process. Blood work has been done on my daughter & now I'm being pushed to choose from the UCI list of affirming therapists. These therapists will eventually sign off on my 13-year-old daughter's redness. I'm very open and affirming. However, this process is moving too fast for me, considering my child's age. My daughter is not suicidal at all & has been greatly influenced by how cool it is to be transgender, via social media. She doesn't like her menstrual cycle, has some depression and anxieties. I would rather address these conditions, before puberty blockers and testosterone.

I would greatly welcome any suggestions,

Thanks,
Rick

Hi, Rick and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about what you're going through with your daughter. It's just nuts (criminal, really) that a medical professional would quickly affirm a confused young teen girl as a boy and recommend testosterone for her at 13. I'm so sorry. 

I hope you can find someone to address her issues. It is very difficult to do so as doctors and therapists will be accused of conversion therapy if they don't just take what the kid says at face value and affirm them as trans, and as you may know conversion therapy is illegal in your state. Although of course what we are discussing is not conversion therapy, trans extemists have managed to get it defined as such in the law, when the law was origianlly written to target anti-gay programs that used cruel, abusive aversion tactics to convince kids they were not gay. What we are talking about is talk therapy for confused, hurting kids who have been caught up in a social contagion for any number of reasons, from autism to OCD to sexual abuse to psychological trauma such as bullying. It is astonishing that these professionals can't see what's going on with the social contagion. 

Your membership has been activated, so I suggest you post your query in the members-only area, as forum members don't frequent this public section too often. 

I also recommend you join Parents of ROGD Kids (PROGDK). People are often hesitant to reach out to unknowns on an anonymous forum. PROGDK has a vetting process and once you're vetted, they will put you in touch via email with other parents in your area (or you can meet in person or talk over the phone if you and other parents choose to do so). Parents may then feel more confident about sharing information such as a therapist's or doctor's name with vetted group members in their area as opposed to an anonymous forum.

To join, go to parentsofrogdkids.com, click in the red bar across the top, and follow the prompts. Vetting can take a week or two, I believe, so please be patient with the volunteers who are doing their best.

Also, keep in mind that therapists are difficult to find. PROGDK membership has been a great experience for me and I encourage everyone to join, but don't count on being handed a list of therapists in your area. There may be a few possibilities or there may be zero. Your best bet may end up calling around (or emailing) to interview therapists yourself.

It's also possible that you might get more mileage from listening to the "Gender: A Wider Lens" podcasts from Sasha Ayad and Stella O'Malley. Some kids will close themselves off to any therapist who doesn't immediately affirm, some kids simply don't want help or think they don't need help, and some therapists who are willing to avoid immediate affirmation don't really know how to effectively approach these kids to reach them, or end up affirming after a month or two. Stella and Sasha seem to have a handle on effectively working with kids like ours, perhaps better than anyone.

Please know I'm not saying that therapy is hopeless or that good therapists are impossible to find. I'm just offering alternatives because the cards seem to be stacked against us when it comes to therapy, for several reasons. Stay hopeful, keep searching for therapists who are helpful, but know that your best bet may be subtly and judiciously questioning your kid, teaching them critical thinking, getting them out of the house to do something constructive or creative, helping them grow into independent young adults, etc., combined with learning what you can from Stella and Sasha and any other well knowns you like who are offering advice and insight to the public.