finding reliable medical practitioners

[Frankie]

Hi - I am looking for a therapist in the NYC metro area ( Jersey side ) for my child who just turned 14.  Five months ago my daughter declared she was trans.  She is now he and has a new name and is single minded in his/her desire for testosterone.  She also has ADHD, depression, anxiety and a handful of sensory issues.   I am looking for a clinician who is willing to neither affirm or deny the trans identity.  Also, we told our child we would seek guidance from a gender clinic.  Does anyone know which one has the longest waiting list?  Our goal is for our child to be who they need to be but get the benefit of a natural puberty and wait to make any medical interventions.  Thanks.

Hi Frankie,
Stay out of gender clinics if you can.  they tend to be run by very young inexperienced grad school students who are trained in 1 day by WPATH.  Find a CBT based therapist who can treat her for depression and anxiety (make it someone no-nonsense with a ton of experience) but bring up the trans issue first, say that you don't affirm it and that you suspect is her way of dealing with her difficulties, see if they will set it aside.  Your child is 14, tell her you cannot find a good gender clinic and take her to someone who can help her.  Also, find out what she's looking at online.

I agree with Lion. Stay far away from gender clinics. You will never find "a clinician who is willing to neither affirm or deny the trans identity" in a gender clinic. Unless your child tells the gender clinic that she is absolutely not trans, the gender clinic will only affirm and move her toward transition. Stay far away.

Thanks for those notes.  I am just seeing them now.  Just came from a horrific appointment with a pediatric endocrinologist.  It started out alright but when she said that puberty blockers were totally reversible I just started asking questions which devolved into me accusing the dr of violated her hippocratic oath and not practicing evidence based medicine.  My poor kid started crying.  Now I am home trying to repair my relationship with my kid and have gotten the kid to agree to read some of what I have studied.  ugh.