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finding reliable medical practitioners
#31
Any recommendations for a therapist in Central or North parts of New Jersey?  I have a 17 year old son who wants to transition to female...
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#32
I have a 17 year old who insists that she’s a man. She intends to treansition at 18! With the help of Planned Parenthood. We’ve been ghosted by our therapist & need a good unbiased one in the Metro N.Y.J area. We were traveling round trip three hours for the last one so location isn’t an issue. Thx! I’m running out of time—-18 in April!!!!!
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#33
[quote pid='17909' dateline='1535293462']


I have a 17 year old who insists that she’s a man. She intends to treansition at 18! With the help of Planned Parenthood. We’ve been ghosted by our therapist & need a good unbiased one in the Metro N.Y.J area. We were traveling round trip three hours for the last one so location isn’t an issue. Thx! I’m running out of time—-18 in April!!!!!
[/quote]

I’m in Seattle. To find a therapist I looked online for people who dealt with teens, body issues, women/feminist issues, eating disorders and did not say anything about LGBT stuff anywhere on their site. I then sent an email with a short summary of my daughter’s issues and a paragraph or two about what we were looking for in a therapist. I specifically said we did not want her automatically affirmed and we wanted to focus on underlying issues and helping her to feel more confidence in her own skin.

I came up with around 20 potential names, half took my insurance so I emailed them. Out of 10 emails I got 2 people I thought could help us, and just had our first session with one of them a few days ago. As it turns out, both have a religious background. We are not religious, but I’m willing to give them a try knowing the alternative.

I spoke with Sasha Ayad (inspired teen therapy.com) and she recommended asking more open ended questions. But, I am scared crapless of cold calling a bunch of Seattle therapists and hearing over and over again about how I need to affirm. For me, it was just easier to send an email out and be straightforward in what i was looking for. I didn’t get any rude emails back, a few just ignored me, some said politely they weren’t the best match and then gave me another therapists name. 

Hope this helps!
Mom, D-13
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#34
Hello, glad to find this forum. Does anyone know of therapists or support groups in the San Francisco Bay Area?

My son is only in kindergarten, and my concerns at this point are relatively mild: for ex., for about 3 years now, he likes to dress up a lot in his older sister's costumes and dresses, pretend he's a princess or girl character, is now asking to be Queen Elsa for Halloween. Occasionally he'll say he wishes he were a girl, usually in the context of wanting to wear those clothes. We've tried our best to walk a fine line: letting him engage in the dramatic play without any shame, while explaining why we don't think it's appropriate, say, to wear a dress to school on costume day.

Sometimes I think we haven't done enough to steer him toward other interests; sometimes I wonder if we should just let him be Queen Elsa for Halloween and see how it goes. (I was more amenable to that when he was 3 or 4 than at almost 6. I fear both reactions: being laughed at, and being told how great it is that we're affirming his choice of gender.)

Bottom line: we could use some guidance and support. In our circles in the Bay Area, it's hard to feel comfortable talking about it even with friends, given the "gender-affirmative" climate.

So recommendations for medical professionals in our area would be great. Also happy to hear from parents with similar experiences.

Thank you.
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#35
(07-Sep-2018, 04:24 PM)Lookingglass Wrote: Hello, glad to find this forum. Does anyone know of therapists or support groups in the San Francisco Bay Area?

My son is only in kindergarten, and my concerns at this point are relatively mild: for ex., for about 3 years now, he likes to dress up a lot in his older sister's costumes and dresses, pretend he's a princess or girl character, is now asking to be Queen Elsa for Halloween. Occasionally he'll say he wishes he were a girl, usually in the context of wanting to wear those clothes. We've tried our best to walk a fine line: letting him engage in the dramatic play without any shame, while explaining why we don't think it's appropriate, say, to wear a dress to school on costume day.

Sometimes I think we haven't done enough to steer him toward other interests; sometimes I wonder if we should just let him be Queen Elsa for Halloween and see how it goes. (I was more amenable to that when he was 3 or 4 than at almost 6. I fear both reactions: being laughed at, and being told how great it is that we're affirming his choice of gender.)

Bottom line: we could use some guidance and support. In our circles in the Bay Area, it's hard to feel comfortable talking about it even with friends, given the "gender-affirmative" climate.

So recommendations for medical professionals in our area would be great. Also happy to hear from parents with similar experiences.

Thank you.

Someone here wrote recently that Dr. Ken Zucker does phone consults (https://www.kenzuckerphd.com/), he’s in Toronto. My understanding is that he advocates a waiting approach for young kids and encouraging them to engage in more stereotypical activities for their sex. Are you familiar with all the studies that show that 80% of young kids will desist by the time they go through puberty?
Mom, D-13
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#36
Hi Lookingglass.

Have you ever seen this website? https://raisingmyrainbow.com/2017/08/24/...ative-boy/

This little boy has always loved stereotypically girly things, and he still does, but knows he is a boy. His parents have made an entire website about him, but the page I linked above says this, written by the boy, CJ, when he was 10 years old:

"Back when I was four and five years old, I used to tell my parents that I wanted to be a girl. I never said I was a girl. I just said I wanted to be a girl. Because then I could like all of the stuff and hobbies and clothes that I liked and nobody would care or give me a hard time about it."

"I used to draw myself as a girl. This summer, I went through my drawings from kindergarten and in all of them I had long ponytails and dresses on. It surprised me when I saw that. When I saw those drawings, it made me realize how fast people can forget things they did. I’m going into fifth grade now and that was just back in kindergarten."

"I guess I do remember wanting to be a girl if I think about it really hard, but I don’t want to be a girl anymore. I want to be me. Just me. I’m a gender creative boy. I’m a boy who likes girl stuff. I don’t even like calling it girl stuff and boy stuff. There shouldn’t be girl stuff and boy stuff; it’s all just stuff. "

Your membership has been activated and you now have access to the members-only forum. You might prefer to post there going forward, as it is a bit more private.

edit: I almost forgot: Welcome!
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#37
(31-Mar-2018, 02:16 PM)candycigs Wrote: Hi would you mind asking your therapist if he has any recommendations in the Central Florida area? I am in the same situation with my "daughter"...just starting out, terrified! Thank you Nicole
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#38
(07-Sep-2018, 07:42 PM)NotAnOstrich Wrote:
(07-Sep-2018, 04:24 PM)Lookingglass Wrote: Hello, glad to find this forum. Does anyone know of therapists or support groups in the San Francisco Bay Area?

My son is only in kindergarten, and my concerns at this point are relatively mild: for ex., for about 3 years now, he likes to dress up a lot in his older sister's costumes and dresses, pretend he's a princess or girl character, is now asking to be Queen Elsa for Halloween. Occasionally he'll say he wishes he were a girl, usually in the context of wanting to wear those clothes. We've tried our best to walk a fine line: letting him engage in the dramatic play without any shame, while explaining why we don't think it's appropriate, say, to wear a dress to school on costume day.

Sometimes I think we haven't done enough to steer him toward other interests; sometimes I wonder if we should just let him be Queen Elsa for Halloween and see how it goes. (I was more amenable to that when he was 3 or 4 than at almost 6. I fear both reactions: being laughed at, and being told how great it is that we're affirming his choice of gender.)

Bottom line: we could use some guidance and support. In our circles in the Bay Area, it's hard to feel comfortable talking about it even with friends, given the "gender-affirmative" climate.

So recommendations for medical professionals in our area would be great. Also happy to hear from parents with similar experiences.

Thank you.

Someone here wrote recently that Dr. Ken Zucker does phone consults (https://www.kenzuckerphd.com/), he’s in Toronto. My understanding is that he advocates a waiting approach for young kids and encouraging them to engage in more stereotypical activities for their sex. Are you familiar with all the studies that show that 80% of young kids will desist by the time they go through puberty?

Thank you! I've heard of Dr. Zucker and his approach, and the 80% stat, mostly just through the Jesse Singal article that appeared a couple years ago about the shutting down of Dr. Zucker's clinic.
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#39
(07-Sep-2018, 10:44 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote: Hi Lookingglass.

Have you ever seen this website? https://raisingmyrainbow.com/2017/08/24/...ative-boy/

This little boy has always loved stereotypically girly things, and he still does, but knows he is a boy. His parents have made an entire website about him, but the page I linked above says this, written by the boy, CJ, when he was 10 years old:

"Back when I was four and five years old, I used to tell my parents that I wanted to be a girl. I never said I was a girl. I just said I wanted to be a girl. Because then I could like all of the stuff and hobbies and clothes that I liked and nobody would care or give me a hard time about it."

"I used to draw myself as a girl. This summer, I went through my drawings from kindergarten and in all of them I had long ponytails and dresses on. It surprised me when I saw that. When I saw those drawings, it made me realize how fast people can forget things they did. I’m going into fifth grade now and that was just back in kindergarten."

"I guess I do remember wanting to be a girl if I think about it really hard, but I don’t want to be a girl anymore. I want to be me. Just me. I’m a gender creative boy. I’m a boy who likes girl stuff. I don’t even like calling it girl stuff and boy stuff. There shouldn’t be girl stuff and boy stuff; it’s all just stuff. "

Your membership has been activated and you now have access to the members-only forum. You might prefer to post there going forward, as it is a bit more private.

edit: I almost forgot: Welcome!

Thank you! (I appreciate the link. From what I can see, the parents' approach strikes me as firmly in the "gender affirming" camp. But their experience is certainly worth reading and thinking about.)
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#40
(10-Sep-2018, 06:14 AM)Lookingglass Wrote:
(07-Sep-2018, 10:44 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote: Hi Lookingglass.

Have you ever seen this website? https://raisingmyrainbow.com/2017/08/24/...ative-boy/

This little boy has always loved stereotypically girly things, and he still does, but knows he is a boy. His parents have made an entire website about him, but the page I linked above says this, written by the boy, CJ, when he was 10 years old:

"Back when I was four and five years old, I used to tell my parents that I wanted to be a girl. I never said I was a girl. I just said I wanted to be a girl. Because then I could like all of the stuff and hobbies and clothes that I liked and nobody would care or give me a hard time about it."

"I used to draw myself as a girl. This summer, I went through my drawings from kindergarten and in all of them I had long ponytails and dresses on. It surprised me when I saw that. When I saw those drawings, it made me realize how fast people can forget things they did. I’m going into fifth grade now and that was just back in kindergarten."

"I guess I do remember wanting to be a girl if I think about it really hard, but I don’t want to be a girl anymore. I want to be me. Just me. I’m a gender creative boy. I’m a boy who likes girl stuff. I don’t even like calling it girl stuff and boy stuff. There shouldn’t be girl stuff and boy stuff; it’s all just stuff. "

Your membership has been activated and you now have access to the members-only forum. You might prefer to post there going forward, as it is a bit more private.

edit: I almost forgot: Welcome!

Thank you! (I appreciate the link. From what I can see, the parents' approach strikes me as firmly in the "gender affirming" camp. But their experience is certainly worth reading and thinking about.)
My main reaction to the "raising my rainbow gender creative child" website is how awful that the kid has to have all his thoughts and developmental stages blasted all over the internet.  Give the poor kid some privacy. It looks like the parents are just seeking adulation.

It would be interesting to have parents of teenagers who have fallen into this delusional thinking discuss what they would be telling a young child given the current cultural climate and knowing what they know now.  Perhaps we should start a thread on that topic.

I think I would definitely want a child to know that biological sex is real and cannot be changed.  When people talk about changing sex, they are really talking about changing how they look (secondary sex characteristics).  They can't change their reproductive roles (sperm or egg producer).  Of course what you would say or how you would say it would depend on the age of the child.  I think there is a lot of confusion about this very basic information right now.

I see my next door neighbor's 7 or 8-year-old daughter being gender nonconforming which is dandy, but I hope it stops there.  The parents strike me as folks who would be very gender affirming because they only know the surface of transgender ideology.  Sometimes I feel an urge to warn them, but I won't bring it up unless they do.  They can see what has happened with my D, and they have never broached the subject.
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