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[Surprise!]

Out of the blue, our 16 yo son told us he is transgender about 8 month ago. He has always struggled with social anxiety and depression, but has never shown any inclination that he was a "girl trapped in a boy body." He has been seeing a counselor regularly; even though she is an affirming therapist and an ally, she herself said his story is "not consistent" with her other transgendered clients. We have refused any medical treatments or calling him by a different pronoun or name (which he has changed 5 times), but have let him experiment with feminine clothes/makeup at home. He usually tries something new then discards after a few weeks (because it's not making him happy!). Lately, he's been wearing a stuffed bra to school. It hasn't been noticeable so far because its winter and he wears sweatshirts, but warmer weather is approaching and we are afraid he will be discovered and potentially bullied and/or ostracized than he already is. We feel that wearing feminine clothes/bra in public and the potential for negative reactions from his peer group will confound his capacity for the "cautious exploration." As he still has two more years of high school left to navigate safely, we're torn between letting him publicly explore reactions and putting our foot down. We've been walking a thin line. It's so difficult knowing what to do and there's not much help online.

Hi Zoomo,

Hou sent me a private message, and I tried to respond, but it says your account is set to refuse private messages.  Fix that and send me another and I'll send you my reply.