Our Discussion Topics

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi - my daughter came out as Bi 2 years ago, lesbian the year after and now trans 2 weeks ago. We FULLY support him in being whomever he chooses, this is his journey not ours. BUT, HE now refuses to go to school since they are using his 'dead name' and the wrong pronouns. Mind you, this is a school out of our district that we are driving to, to be away from those he may know. We've talked to the counselors, teachers etc. and they do okay but sometimes make mistakes because his 'dead name' is on the school records since there hasn't been a name change. What are other parents doing to help the trans kiddos at school? What rights do they have? Does anyone let their child do online school? We are trying and need help. I even got him into a local 1 n 10 group that supports him with his peers. Thank you.

Hello gemdamon,

I'm not sure how thoroughly or closely you've read the posts preceding yours. This board is for parents whose kids have suddenly come out as trans and want to immediately be affirmed by the world as trans -- but as parents we want to take the slow approach. We believe it is ill-advised and short-sighted to immediately (or within weeks or even months) allow a child/teen/young adult to change their name, pronouns, school records, etc. and get started down the road to medical transition. Studies have shown that socially transitioned kids are more likely to medically transition, so we desire to slow down even social transition.

I hesitate to speak for an entire group, but in general the parents of this forum view a transgender identity as a symptom, a "maladaptive coping mechanism" if you will, for kids who are dealing with various issues such as ADHD, OCD, RAD, autism/Aspergers, peer rejection, homosexuality, sexual assault, bullying, family problems such as divorce or the death of a loved one, rejection of stereotypical gender roles, social pressure, or simply puberty, to name a few.

You stated your child has already come out as bi, then lesbian, and now trans. This is a typical pattern seen in many of our kids. The parents of this forum view these ever-changing labels our kids are trying on and then shedding as convincing rationale to carefully watch and wait, saving transition as a last resort so that our kids can continue to evolve and grow, without first finding themselves painted into a corner with a "new" transgender identity -- which can be very difficult for a kid to walk back from once it has become fully entrenched. 

We also have discovered that medical transition drugs and surgeries are incredibly damaging and unhealthful for the body, as well as poorly studied. Puberty blockers, testosterone in females and estrogen in males are all used off-label. Testosterone especially is poorly studied in females and not FDA approved for female use. We believe transition should be a last resort and an adult decision, and see the current uptick in regretful detranitioners, who went quickly from coming out as trans to medical transition, as proof that taking it slow is prudent and wise.

As I'm sure you understand this is a complex, difficult topic and the few short paragraphs above barely scratch the surface. I just wanted to give you a short overview of this forum's general philosophy before activating your membership. Please post back and let me know if this forum is one you'd like to join, now that you know where the parents here are coming from, and I will be happy to activate your membership. 

Best wishes to you and your child. I hope to hear back from you soon.

[Kacie Chitwood]

Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago! 
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.

My emotions are exactly as stated by Heroshero.  In our case we have a son who at 151/2 came to us with the transgender announcement out of the blue.  He is now nearing 17 and continuing in his belief that he is indeed female.  My husband is "not happy" about this at all and would like it to end.  But his emotional response has not been as deep as mine or hurt as I am.  This has been one  factor straining our  31 year marriage.  This also has strained my relationship with our older kids..both  have graduated form college already and are of the belief that gender is a "social construct".  Whatever the hell that means???.  The description of a cloud of sadness describes my felling for about the last 16  months.  I know that most of the ROGD teens are girls but my son meets the description perfectly..he is on the Autism spectrum. I also pray to God all the time to return my wonderful,  smart son back to me.  Never thought something like this would happen to my family.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello, Aenea, and welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles. Your account has now been activated and you have access to the members-only forums. Please post back if you have trouble accessing them.

[Cailleach]

How can I get approved as a member here? My story is eerily similar to all these.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

How can I get approved as a member here?  My story is eerily similar to all these.

Hi Cailleach, and welcome. 

Thanks for your patience. Each membership is manually activated by a moderator, so activations occur as moderators are online and available. Your membership is now activated; hope to see you "inside."

[tommyboy]

Hi All, I'm new to this board, and trying to understand how it works.  I just registered, and seem to have access, but I don't know if there's another special activation.  My son just 18 yo, and told us that he is a girl, and is planning to "transition."  This story goes back a few years and has many facets, but basically my wife and I are trying to help him see this as temporary confusion and thought.  We are even trying to acknowledge the female in-him (as a sort of compromise).  Our biggest fear is that he takes hormones and has surgery.  We already found the estrogen pills on him (which he got from Planned Parenthood), and we confiscated.  But he's 18, and just started college, and he is somewhat empowered by the whole trans movement.  Desperately need help to get through to him.  He never had friends, always had no self confidence, which is completely related to shame of his body.  He never felt like he compared to other boys.  This is one of the causes we believe of his confusion.  We're trying to be creative and think out-of-the-box for ways to get through to him.... to just relax and not do anything permanently damaging,

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello and welcome, TOmmyboy. Your account is now activated and you should have access to the members-only area. Please post back if you're not seeing it now.

[ChristianMotherofTransgender]

Missingmyboy I’m also the parent of a son who fits the descriptions of ROGD girls to The letter. Our son told us he was trans at 16.5 and is now 19. It’s been a living nightmare. I’m here if you want to compare notes or discuss anything specific to boys. I find it’s so similar to the girls stories, but It becomes a b T more complicated for a boy to wear feminine clothes, makeup etc than it is for a girl to wear no makeup, boys clothes etc.

And I don’t mean to reinforce stereotypes by those clothing  labels - just trying to be concise. Of course, kids should be able to wear what they like. My son seems to think the clothes will solve his problems, however. And to do that, they’d have to be magic! His problems run way deeper than those that can be solved by changes in appearance.

Mom, S19

Ironically it is the crowd pushing the transgender ideology that is reinforcing sex stereotypes.   My son owns more nail polish than I have ever owned in my 58 years!  Everything is so extreme in the opposite direction.  Just look at how Bruce Jenner has gone super feminine and trying to be so sexy. We all know men or women who are more masculine or feminine than others.  I  believe there is a continuum within the biological gender you  were born.   That used to be called personality.   Mutilating your body, changing your name, and going full force into the opposite sex does not change who you are inside.  It is wrong to mutilate and permanently change a healthy body.  This to me is the sin of this Transgender ideology being pushed.  The emphasis should be to help these kids learn to love themselves as they were born.  This is a living nightmare,  saddest thing that ever happened to me.  It has been really tough on our marriage as well.  Just really sad..and not necessary.

This is my first post.  I just found this board and am waiting for approval before I can see the whole forum.  I am the mother of a 25 year old male that has recently told us that he is transgender.  Although he is an older male it also came completely out of the blue.  He has completely cut us off because we don't agree with this and do not call him Sarah.  We feel so helpless!

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello and welcome, ChristianMotherofTransgender. Your account is now activated and you should have access to the members-only area.

[justkym]

My daughter is 22.  She came out as trans two years ago, and instead of fighting for her like I should have, I helped her move to another state because I couldn't stand having her around anymore.  Of course, only I knew why I was sending her away; everyone else, including her, thought I was helping her better her career.  Over the past two years, we have fought, gone to therapy together, and had some good times.  However, I just don't believe this is really who she is.  She went from being a beautiful, vibrant, ambitious young woman to being an ugly, overweight, withdrawn nondescript person.  I find myself repulsed by this person who stole my daughter, and then I am repulsed by myself for hating her.  I am at a total loss and don't know what to do.  Should I stop visiting because it makes me so miserable? Should I visit more often and continue to hammer at this bent nail?  Or should I just accept the situation as irreparable and try to move on? I just don't know how to overcome this feeling of loathing I have for both my daughter and myself.