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(07-Aug-2019, 10:42 PM)gemdamon Wrote: Hi - my daughter came out as Bi 2 years ago, lesbian the year after and now trans 2 weeks ago. We FULLY support him in being whomever he chooses, this is his journey not ours. BUT, HE now refuses to go to school since they are using his 'dead name' and the wrong pronouns. Mind you, this is a school out of our district that we are driving to, to be away from those he may know. We've talked to the counselors, teachers etc. and they do okay but sometimes make mistakes because his 'dead name' is on the school records since there hasn't been a name change. What are other parents doing to help the trans kiddos at school? What rights do they have? Does anyone let their child do online school? We are trying and need help. I even got him into a local 1 n 10 group that supports him with his peers. Thank you.

Hello gemdamon,

I'm not sure how thoroughly or closely you've read the posts preceding yours. This board is for parents whose kids have suddenly come out as trans and want to immediately be affirmed by the world as trans -- but as parents we want to take the slow approach. We believe it is ill-advised and short-sighted to immediately (or within weeks or even months) allow a child/teen/young adult to change their name, pronouns, school records, etc. and get started down the road to medical transition. Studies have shown that socially transitioned kids are more likely to medically transition, so we desire to slow down even social transition.

I hesitate to speak for an entire group, but in general the parents of this forum view a transgender identity as a symptom, a "maladaptive coping mechanism" if you will, for kids who are dealing with various issues such as ADHD, OCD, RAD, autism/Aspergers, peer rejection, homosexuality, sexual assault, bullying, family problems such as divorce or the death of a loved one, rejection of stereotypical gender roles, social pressure, or simply puberty, to name a few.

You stated your child has already come out as bi, then lesbian, and now trans. This is a typical pattern seen in many of our kids. The parents of this forum view these ever-changing labels our kids are trying on and then shedding as convincing rationale to carefully watch and wait, saving transition as a last resort so that our kids can continue to evolve and grow, without first finding themselves painted into a corner with a "new" transgender identity -- which can be very difficult for a kid to walk back from once it has become fully entrenched. 

We also have discovered that medical transition drugs and surgeries are incredibly damaging and unhealthful for the body, as well as poorly studied. Puberty blockers, testosterone in females and estrogen in males are all used off-label. Testosterone especially is poorly studied in females and not FDA approved for female use. We believe transition should be a last resort and an adult decision, and see the current uptick in regretful detranitioners, who went quickly from coming out as trans to medical transition, as proof that taking it slow is prudent and wise.

As I'm sure you understand this is a complex, difficult topic and the few short paragraphs above barely scratch the surface. I just wanted to give you a short overview of this forum's general philosophy before activating your membership. Please post back and let me know if this forum is one you'd like to join, now that you know where the parents here are coming from, and I will be happy to activate your membership. 

Best wishes to you and your child. I hope to hear back from you soon.
(09-Apr-2018, 06:02 PM)missingmyboy Wrote:
(06-Apr-2018, 08:18 AM)Heroshero Wrote: Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago! 
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.

My emotions are exactly as stated by Heroshero.  In our case we have a son who at 151/2 came to us with the transgender announcement out of the blue.  He is now nearing 17 and continuing in his belief that he is indeed female.  My husband is "not happy" about this at all and would like it to end.  But his emotional response has not been as deep as mine or hurt as I am.  This has been one  factor straining our  31 year marriage.  This also has strained my relationship with our older kids..both  have graduated form college already and are of the belief that gender is a "social construct".  Whatever the hell that means???.  The description of a cloud of sadness describes my felling for about the last 16  months.  I know that most of the ROGD teens are girls but my son meets the description perfectly..he is on the Autism spectrum. I also pray to God all the time to return my wonderful,  smart son back to me.  Never thought something like this would happen to my family.
Hi, I have Not posted here before but would like to tell my daughters story and ask for advice because I feel like my reality is crumbling and I'm terrified for my girl, my amazing trippy, intelligent and funny daughter entered my bedroom at midnight a few weeks ago with a letter she had written (suposedly) it wasn't worded in the manner she usually writes. In this letter she declared that she was trans, wanted me to now call her Danny, respect her pronouns and wanted a binder and if I didn't agree to these things I was being oppressive and unsupportive. My girl has Never before expressed any issues with her sex ever. In January this year she told me she was a lesbian, this did not come as a great surprise to me I already knew! She has hashimotos hypothyroidism and really struggles with her weight and feeling shit. She hates her body so to her this must mean she is a boy. What do I do? Last night things got really bad she told me she wants me to die so she can live with a supportive family, that's normal for a teen I know and I take it with a pinch of salt but I can't gear the pain she is in and want to help her but don't know how or what to don't or the best. If itbwas just me she was hurting I could cope but its impacting on my 11 year old daughter whom us frightened and scared. I don't know what to do or how to handle my daughter, I try to get her out to spend time together but she won't. Do I risk going to my GP for help. We live in Hull UK is there anyone here who lives in Yorkshire or any support groups for parents that any one knows about? I am desperate.

Sorry I think I posted the wrong place
Hello, Aenea, and welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles. Your account has now been activated and you have access to the members-only forums. Please post back if you have trouble accessing them.

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