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(10-Mar-2018, 06:55 PM)Completely agree with you,we have also taken away internet usage and monitor what’s being done on her disabled phone through a Kidslox app..(Lucky we haven’t yet gotten her phone service ) she did fine a lot of her info on her kindle after we became aware of what was going on when she told us 8 mos ago at age 12 she thinks she’s a boy In a girls body we didnlet her cut her hair and wear what she wants but won’t call her a boy or her preferred boy name Wrote: (10-Mar-2018, 04:09 PM)Confusedparent Wrote: My 11 year old daughter was never a girly girl but she never complained about wearing girls clothes, we went dress shopping for bridesmaid dresses and she wanted little heels only a18 months ago. Since then she has started her periods and now says she is pansexual and trans ftm. She is constantly on lgbtq social media sites. I don’t want to take that away from her if she really is trans but I just don’t know if she’s is or it’s being submerged in lgbtq constantly that has ignited these feelings. I just really don’t know know what to do for the best. She says she doesn’t want to talk to i any professionals about it.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have burned her phone (and my guess is that most of the parents on this forum would say the same thing)! My daughter began her interest the same way your did, at age 12, shortly after we got her a phone, and I felt exactly as you do now. I wanted her to be able to draw her own conclusions about herself and her sexuality, and respect other people for theirs. I had always believed the "born this way" idea and that outside influences had no impact. I figured that her curiosity was healthy. Now, I kick myself EVERY second of every day that I didnt nip it in the bud while I had the chance. Reading the experiences of the parents on this forum and other websites devoted to this issue, whos experiences are virtually identical, I am completely convinced that our daughters are NOT coming to conclusions about themselves and their sexuality or gender identification on their own. They are being persuaded, both passively and overtly, that any ambiguity about their sexuality (which at their age, should be ambiguous), and feelings of "not fitting in" (what adolescent doesnt feel that way?), means they are transgender, and that transitioning will solve all of those problems. They make it seem glamorous and edgy, and that these kids are a special part of something wonderful. What kids doesnt want that? What happens time and time again is that these kids end up feeling anxious, withdrawn, confused, and insecure and retreat to their online world which tells them that those feelings are only further proof that they are transgender.
They become persuaded that "cis" people are the enemy, and that its ok to turn against their parents because they are bigoted and transphobic. They become downright militant about their views. The only word that I can use to describe it is Indoctrination. My daughter is 14 now, says she is a boy and is attempting to socially transition. Getting them away from this influence becomes increasingly difficult as they get older, especially if they have spent a couple of years immersed in it as mine has. She now considers her online friends her only friends. We are attempting to remove access to this stuff slowly so that we dont alienate her. Her ipad "broke" one day. My phone (which she borrowed all the time) is "lost" and I got a flip phone...etc.soon, something is going to "mysteriously happen" to our internet so that no longer works in her room. Passive aggressive parently at its finest.
If getting rid of the phone isnt an option for you, I would make sure she doesnt have access to certain sites (there is a thread on here with tips for that), learn everything you can about this social contagion through this forum, 4th wave now, and other sites dedicated to this issue. Its overwhelming at first, so you might start by looking at The Jung Soul. She does an excellent job of summing up what is going on. Watch the videos your daughter is watching..spend a night (without her) binging on trans-related youtubers (also listed in a thread on this forum), and try and put yourself into an 11 year old girls mindset when you do. Then have conversations with her about what she has been learning about, and how she feels about it, and tell her what you have learned and how you feel about it. Let he know you are fine with her exploring her sexuality and identity, but that those feelings should come from within, not from outside sources, and that it is really hard for a person to know for sure until their hormones have settled down. Reserve the right to monitor and limit her usage and then do it. Even with restrictions, they find a way to access this stuff. Keep it out of her room at night. They get sucked into binges on this stuff when no one is paying attention.
I know this email sounds alarmist, at least I would have thought so 2 years ago, but I promise you, its not.
I
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I'm a new member, as well. I have been struggling with my daughter and the trans issue for three years. She was a normal, beautiful functioning young girl, but when she turned 14 she all of a sudden wanted to cut off her breasts and identify as a boy. I would not support it and got into so much trouble in the state of CA. She was very rebellious and tried to get me in trouble with the state and was successful in doing so, so much that she ended up in foster care for 6 months. I am a single/widowed mother and it has been holy hell. Does anyone know what is going on? I moved to Minnesota and 3 years later I am still dealing with this shit with her. I'm so done...and still don't support it. I have to be careful who I tell this too.
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Hello lckystarr and welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on with your daughter. If it is any consolation, you are not alone in being a parent who has been vilified by the government for being a cautious and caring parent who wants evidence-based answers before allowing your child to undergo permanent, experimental medical treatment.
You'll find support here.
Your account has been activated.
Hi Ickystarr,
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry for what's happened with your daughter. Your question, "what's going on?" is a huge one, and the answer is complex. How in the world can conscientious parents become outlaws? The big picture answer is: a cultural epidemic, bent on destroying families, that's driven by evil. Are you still in touch with her?
Like Marge said, you're not alone, and you'll find support here. Blessings,
mndad
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(17-Apr-2019, 01:19 PM)lckystarr Wrote: I'm a new member, as well. I have been struggling with my daughter and the trans issue for three years. She was a normal, beautiful functioning young girl, but when she turned 14 she all of a sudden wanted to cut off her breasts and identify as a boy. I would not support it and got into so much trouble in the state of CA. She was very rebellious and tried to get me in trouble with the state and was successful in doing so, so much that she ended up in foster care for 6 months. I am a single/widowed mother and it has been holy hell. Does anyone know what is going on? I moved to Minnesota and 3 years later I am still dealing with this shit with her. I'm so done...and still don't support it. I have to be careful who I tell this too. I completely understand. I am also in CA and my 15 year old daughter is going through the same thing. She has gone to the school and changed her name to a boy name. I went to the school frustrated by getting email messages from them with this name and they told me that because of some bill that was passed they have to allow this. How do these kids have more rights than the parents? How are we supposed to be parents when we are restricted? My daughter has now been in and out of treatment centers, crisis centers and acute facilities. She is in an acute facility now due to her suicidal attempt. Since she is there, I decided to go through her chat account and I was shocked. The things these kids talk about is completely unhealthy and there is definitely dangerous. I was so upset that I logged in and gave them a piece of my mind. This particular teen, so I think it's a teen, was completely emotionally manipulating. While she is has been out, I have removed all the inappropriate drawings on her wall. I'm placing lock on the closet door and placing the computer, pills and knives in it. This has all happened within the course of the past year. She keeps saying she was "born" this way. I keep telling her it is not true. She was a girly girl, into cheetah print, glitter and only stop playing with barbies at age 14. She has made comments about her self image that she is overweight. I am tired of these therapist validating her feeling of being a "boy" instead of treating and addressing her self esteem issues. I'm beyond frustrated and it seems that I'm fighting a losing battle.
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Hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Your membership has been activated, if you'd like to discuss what's going on in the members-only area, which is a somewhat more private setting.
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Hi,
My son is dating a trans girl - He was new to the school system and joined the "Diversity club". I was so naive I didn't know it was full of all confused kids. He is 14 and in 8th grade going into 9th. I am pretty sure that this is his first romantic relationship. This "girl" went from Pan to trans. We have a no dating rule till 16 but he is breaking that. My solace is that I believe she is going to another school next year (Fingers crossed). I notice that he is talking about estrogen and womens levels etc... This info I am sure is coming from his friend. She also talks about sucide and her mental health. I feel she is really mixing my son up. He has always had crushes on females that identify as females. I now see him having distate for them. Originally he told me he couldn't date this person b/c he wasn't gay - so did he "turn gay" ? This is really putting a wedge between us. She is biologically a female to be clear but if I call her a she he freaks out and says it is "because of people like you" ! He is so smart that I can't believe he buys into all of this stuff so easily. Any thoughts on what I should be doing ? Deprogramming etc...
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(26-Jul-2019, 03:50 AM)eioffer Wrote: Hi,
My son is dating a trans girl - He was new to the school system and joined the "Diversity club". I was so naive I didn't know it was full of all confused kids. He is 14 and in 8th grade going into 9th. I am pretty sure that this is his first romantic relationship. This "girl" went from Pan to trans. We have a no dating rule till 16 but he is breaking that. My solace is that I believe she is going to another school next year (Fingers crossed). I notice that he is talking about estrogen and womens levels etc... This info I am sure is coming from his friend. She also talks about sucide and her mental health. I feel she is really mixing my son up. He has always had crushes on females that identify as females. I now see him having distate for them. Originally he told me he couldn't date this person b/c he wasn't gay - so did he "turn gay" ? This is really putting a wedge between us. She is biologically a female to be clear but if I call her a she he freaks out and says it is "because of people like you" ! He is so smart that I can't believe he buys into all of this stuff so easily. Any thoughts on what I should be doing ? Deprogramming etc... Once your account is activated, you will find a lot of information. Be patient. It will be worth it.
Let love lead.  Canada
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Hello eioffer, and thanks for your patience. Your account has been activated.
Hi - my daughter came out as Bi 2 years ago, lesbian the year after and now trans 2 weeks ago. We FULLY support him in being whomever he chooses, this is his journey not ours. BUT, HE now refuses to go to school since they are using his 'dead name' and the wrong pronouns. Mind you, this is a school out of our district that we are driving to, to be away from those he may know. We've talked to the counselors, teachers etc. and they do okay but sometimes make mistakes because his 'dead name' is on the school records since there hasn't been a name change. What are other parents doing to help the trans kiddos at school? What rights do they have? Does anyone let their child do online school? We are trying and need help. I even got him into a local 1 n 10 group that supports him with his peers. Thank you.
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