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#51
Alana, you might get a better response if you can move this to “our stories section. I bet that the environment he is in has lead him to this decision. San Francisco has a huge trans community. Your best bet would be to get him out of California.
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#52
(02-Oct-2018, 11:14 PM)Condemned Wrote: Alana, you might get a better response if you can move this to “our stories section. I bet that the environment he is in has lead him to this decision. San Francisco has a huge trans community. Your best bet would be to get him out of California.

Thanks so much for replying so quickly. I'll move the post, but don't think I could convince my son to leave CA. He works for a small company about an hour away from SF and hasn't been exposed to Trans people, yet. I don't know what to think, I'm just scared to death for him.
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#53
Like many of you, I am hoping that I found a forum to voice my frustrations and fear surrounding my teenager coming out as “trans.”  As a parent, I love my child and want nothing more than her happiness, but am completely baffled by the change.  There was never any sign or indication that this was going to happen but we do believe that being an outsider and finding an accepting group, along with internet influences, did play some part.  
We’ve balked and called bull and sought counseling and asked for help all with the same result.   We waited almost a year to get into Washington Children’s Hospital only to find a doctor that was much more interested in exploiting our “trans” child and encouraging hormones and changes we are not comfortable with rather than trying to explore where this revelation came from?  
Our child has surely suffered some level of anxiety/depression associated with an early diagnosis of ADD/ADHD.  
We have struggled with the inability to limit internet access, despite being an IT professional.  They can be very creative when they want something.  I’ve found old phones in her room, and have always complained about the local cable company that advertises a public signal (that I cannot block.).  
I am really looking for support/information/encouragement in a group of like minded people who really just want the best for their children and are struggling with a situation that was never in the “What to Expect When You are Expecting” book!
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#54
This is my first time on this site, I fear I won’t get any sleep tonight, too much good stuff to read. Four weeks ago our 17 y/o son told me he feels like a girl. He has anxiety and OCD.  We have seen a psych dr. who just confirmed his feelings and validated my concerns but I wanted the dr. to question my sons feelings more and maybe he did but I wouldn’t know b/c he met with my son alone for the first hour. After reading the posts, I don’t feel so alone, so thank you everyone for sharing. I have an overwhelming sense of dread, hopelessness and deep sadness. I feel like I am fighting for my son’s life. I’m not ready to lose my son and I don’t think he truly is a girl. He never expressed feelings, as a child, of feeling like a girl, he never disliked his male body parts, he never displayed any of the other symptoms of truly transgender, this just came out of the blue( or should I say pink? LOL). I have a feeling I will find a lot of good advice on this site. Glad I’m here but I am sorry we are all here!
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#55
Hi Momortwo, and welcome. I'm sorry for what your son and you are going through. Your membership has been activated and you can now access all areas of the forum, including the members-only areas.

I hope you find some good advice and find the site helpful.
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#56
(04-Dec-2018, 05:13 AM)Momortwo Wrote: This is my first time on this site, I fear I won’t get any sleep tonight, too much good stuff to read. Four weeks ago our 17 y/o son told me he feels like a girl. He has anxiety and OCD.  We have seen a psych dr. who just confirmed his feelings and validated my concerns but I wanted the dr. to question my sons feelings more and maybe he did but I wouldn’t know b/c he met with my son alone for the first hour. After reading the posts, I don’t feel so alone, so thank you everyone for sharing. I have an overwhelming sense of dread, hopelessness and deep sadness. I feel like I am fighting for my son’s life. I’m not ready to lose my son and I don’t think he truly is a girl. He never expressed feelings, as a child, of feeling like a girl, he never disliked his male body parts, he never displayed any of the other symptoms of truly transgender, this just came out of the blue( or should I say pink? LOL). I have a feeling I will find a lot of good advice on this site. Glad I’m here but I am sorry we are all here!

Greetings - 
Regrettably, I'm new here too.
I'm sorry about your situation and yes, I was up late reading lots of things and am very encouraged by others' stories. 

My son age 20 came out a few months ago. He doesn't live at home and I think he's been "out" longer than we knew about. 
He also has anxiety/depression and anorexia and is SO thin -->insert very sad face here<--

I hope we can gather new info and support for this very crazy time in life.
 
-Garland
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#57
(08-Apr-2018, 02:02 PM)Lizzie Wrote: So glad that I am not alone in this and yet so sad that I even have to be here. My head is spinning with thoughts as I can identify with so many on here! I don’t know where to start. My 13 yo daughter told us about a year ago that the wanted to be a boy. Out of NOWHERE! So many things don’t add up when you read/hear about those that are truly trans, i.e. they have felt and acted that way from early on.
When she was younger she WAS a girly-girl, enjoyed shopping, make-up, nails, baby-dolls...the whole thing...none of that was ever pushed on her. She has an older brother so my take is that if she truly was/is she would have been more interested in his stuff then.
Coincidentally this all came about halfway through 6th grade. Our school boundaries are a little bit whacky, so most of her female friends all went to a different middle school than her. (However, they will all end up at the same high school.) I was not too concerned for her as she is/was very outgoing and never had trouble making friends. She would still see these girls on the soccer team and through other social actitivties. She also got her period in 5th grade and really started blooming shortly after. We all know this is a difficult time for kids at this age. I am wondering if her lack of female friends, on a regular basis, pushed her to wanting to be a boy so she could fit in with her male friends ?? I also went from a mostly part time, low demand job to a very full time, high demand job around this time. Again, she had always been so resilient. Looking back, did my “lack of time” for her present as uncaring and disinterested?

Other similarities to all these stories cell phone and internet influence. (I will have to go read the articles on how to block certain sites.) Just like others she is in the gifted program, but she has not been diagnosed with any mental issues (depression, adhd, etc), though her brother, also gifted, has. She is extremely creative and is a talented writer and artist. She used to write A LOT and kept her friends entertained with her stories. They would be on pins and needles waiting for her to finish the next chapter. Her art is impressive and she has taken to anime. THIS is where the similarities end... I haven’t seen anyone else mention their child being into anime. However, in other research I have seen a correlation to anime and the whole trans thing. I don’t know much about anime, but I do know that there are a lot of gender-neutral characters. She became friends with a boy at school through anime. This boy claims he is bi-sexual (according to her), I have met him. He is very nice and quite shy. I have also met his father, who is also very nice, but not shy, lol... I am thinking that she and this boy have clicked because neither of them feel/felt like they fit in at their school. This boy went to a different elem school and will go to a different hs, within our district. She told her counselor that she go the idea from an anime video!

She told me in a text message while i was at work! I was stunned and couldn’t react immediately. She eventually told my husband in a letter. We decided not to handle this lightly and sought counseling for her. Which i now feel was a BIG mistake. This counselor has made things worse. I think she meant well, but it just worsened the whole thing. Initially she asked my daughter to research it more, I guess thinking that she would say “oh, yeah, that’s not really me.” After a lot of money and many sessions, it came to my daughter wants her breasts removed, wants to keep her female reproductive system, wants to present as a boy, is attracted to boys, but is not gay, has a name “Leo” which i find laughable as it is her astrological sign....TALK ABOUT CONFUSED!! She is quite stubborn and our concern now is that she has rung this bell and doesn’t know how to un-ring it. Her periods were bad for a while. The girl who rarely cries would be balled up on the floor bawling in pain. I agreed to take her to a pediatric GYN (yes, there is such a thing.) and she was put on a very low dose pill. It has greatly eased her periods to being almost nothing. She has not seen the counselor since being on the pill. I am strongly considering not sending her back and letting this play out on it’s own.

I will be setting stricter rules regarding devices. They are not allowed to have their phones in their rooms at night, but currently I don’t restrict their daytime use. Additionally, both kids are home unsupervised 2-3 hours/day on school days. We dont have a landline, so I cannot take her phone away.

I am really hoping to find encouragement, support, and ideas on how to handle this.

Lizzie - I know you wrote this a while ago, but I just now discovered your post as I am new here. I just found today as I am struggling with taking my daughter who is now presenting more like a boy to my hometown to visit my parents for Christmas and worried it is not going to go over well. My daughter sounds EXACTLY like yours: 12 going on 13 daughter who recently announced that she doesn't feel like a girl anymore (says she is non-binary as she doesn't necessarily want to be a boy), previously a super girly-girl like wanting to wear a princess dress 24/7,  a talented writer & artist, obsessed with anime and draws trans anime characters all the time, trouble making friends / fitting in, gifted, stubborn, early bloomer (period came in 4th grade) so embarrased about having breasts early, terrible periods with bad cramping and overall just completely confused with who she is right now. Before she came out, she expressed repeatedly that she doesn't feel like other girls her age and complained that many of them are so immature.

I'm thankful that I found this site and that I'm not the only one! Went through hell when she first told us this fall and have felt extremely lonely with the struggle as it has been hard to know who I can and can't talk to about it without judgement.
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#58
Question 
(23-Oct-2018, 04:36 PM)Maddysmum Wrote:   
I am really looking for support/information/encouragement in a group of like minded people who really just want the best for their children and are struggling ...

I am looking for a group of caring, open-minded yet practical and prudent parents to bond and create a reality check with.  How do we connect?

(24-Dec-2018, 10:39 PM)doodlemom Wrote:
(08-Apr-2018, 02:02 PM)Lizzie Wrote: So glad that I am not alone in this and yet so sad that I even have to be here. My head is spinning with thoughts as I can identify with so many on here! I don’t know where to start. My 13 yo daughter told us about a year ago that the wanted to be a boy. Out of NOWHERE! So many things don’t add up when you read/hear about those that are truly trans, i.e. they have felt and acted that way from early on.
When she was younger she WAS a girly-girl, enjoyed shopping, make-up, nails, baby-dolls...the whole thing...none of that was ever pushed on her. She has an older brother so my take is that if she truly was/is she would have been more interested in his stuff then.
Coincidentally this all came about halfway through 6th grade. Our school boundaries are a little bit whacky, so most of her female friends all went to a different middle school than her. (However, they will all end up at the same high school.) I was not too concerned for her as she is/was very outgoing and never had trouble making friends. She would still see these girls on the soccer team and through other social actitivties. She also got her period in 5th grade and really started blooming shortly after. We all know this is a difficult time for kids at this age. I am wondering if her lack of female friends, on a regular basis, pushed her to wanting to be a boy so she could fit in with her male friends ?? I also went from a mostly part time, low demand job to a very full time, high demand job around this time. Again, she had always been so resilient. Looking back, did my “lack of time” for her present as uncaring and disinterested?

Other similarities to all these stories cell phone and internet influence. (I will have to go read the articles on how to block certain sites.) Just like others she is in the gifted program, but she has not been diagnosed with any mental issues (depression, adhd, etc), though her brother, also gifted, has. She is extremely creative and is a talented writer and artist. She used to write A LOT and kept her friends entertained with her stories. They would be on pins and needles waiting for her to finish the next chapter. Her art is impressive and she has taken to anime. THIS is where the similarities end... I haven’t seen anyone else mention their child being into anime. However, in other research I have seen a correlation to anime and the whole trans thing. I don’t know much about anime, but I do know that there are a lot of gender-neutral characters. She became friends with a boy at school through anime. This boy claims he is bi-sexual (according to her), I have met him. He is very nice and quite shy. I have also met his father, who is also very nice, but not shy, lol... I am thinking that she and this boy have clicked because neither of them feel/felt like they fit in at their school. This boy went to a different elem school and will go to a different hs, within our district. She told her counselor that she go the idea from an anime video!

She told me in a text message while i was at work! I was stunned and couldn’t react immediately. She eventually told my husband in a letter. We decided not to handle this lightly and sought counseling for her. Which i now feel was a BIG mistake. This counselor has made things worse. I think she meant well, but it just worsened the whole thing. Initially she asked my daughter to research it more, I guess thinking that she would say “oh, yeah, that’s not really me.” After a lot of money and many sessions, it came to my daughter wants her breasts removed, wants to keep her female reproductive system, wants to present as a boy, is attracted to boys, but is not gay, has a name “Leo” which i find laughable as it is her astrological sign....TALK ABOUT CONFUSED!! She is quite stubborn and our concern now is that she has rung this bell and doesn’t know how to un-ring it. Her periods were bad for a while. The girl who rarely cries would be balled up on the floor bawling in pain. I agreed to take her to a pediatric GYN (yes, there is such a thing.) and she was put on a very low dose pill. It has greatly eased her periods to being almost nothing. She has not seen the counselor since being on the pill. I am strongly considering not sending her back and letting this play out on it’s own.

I will be setting stricter rules regarding devices. They are not allowed to have their phones in their rooms at night, but currently I don’t restrict their daytime use. Additionally, both kids are home unsupervised 2-3 hours/day on school days. We dont have a landline, so I cannot take her phone away.

I am really hoping to find encouragement, support, and ideas on how to handle this.

Lizzie - I know you wrote this a while ago, but I just now discovered your post as I am new here. I just found today as I am struggling with taking my daughter who is now presenting more like a boy to my hometown to visit my parents for Christmas and worried it is not going to go over well. My daughter sounds EXACTLY like yours: 12 going on 13 daughter who recently announced that she doesn't feel like a girl anymore (says she is non-binary as she doesn't necessarily want to be a boy), previously a super girly-girl like wanting to wear a princess dress 24/7,  a talented writer & artist, obsessed with anime and draws trans anime characters all the time, trouble making friends / fitting in, gifted, stubborn, early bloomer (period came in 4th grade) so embarrased about having breasts early, terrible periods with bad cramping and overall just completely confused with who she is right now. Before she came out, she expressed repeatedly that she doesn't feel like other girls her age and complained that many of them are so immature.

I'm thankful that I found this site and that I'm not the only one! Went through hell when she first told us this fall and have felt extremely lonely with the struggle as it has been hard to know who I can and can't talk to about it without judgement.

I have a bird of a feather with our teen ftm.  Is there any way we can all connect and share our experiences and coping resources? I am new to forums and I do not know how to best work within them.
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#59
Welcome to all new members.

Good first steps are to review the various categories on this forum, and read thru recent posts.

Feel free, of course, to post your comments wherever they seem appropriate.

Put your stories on the subforum, "Our Stories."

Use the Search function to find others who are focused on the same issues.
Mom, D 21
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#60
Hi DolphinMomma,

I just approved your forum membership. All members are approved manually so sometimes it takes a bit of time. Since you are now an approved member, you have access to the members-only forums where you will find the parents you are looking for: parents who can offer coping strategies and other advice, and who understand what you and your daughter are going through. Cat has given great information above, as well, for navigating the forums.

Post back here if you have trouble accessing the members-only portion of the forum and we will see what we can work out. You should be able to easily access them now, though. Welcome.
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