Posts: 61
Threads: 7
Joined: Apr 2018
Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago!
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.
Posts: 3
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2018
Our son has high functioning autism too and has declared himself TG. You are not alone.
Posts: 550
Threads: 24
Joined: Sep 2017
(06-Apr-2018, 08:18 AM)Heroshero Wrote: Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago!
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.
It's just the same story over and over and over again with these "ftm" girls.
Unbelievable.
Maybe we should change our logo to a single light in the night for others to find in their darkness. Welcome and so sorry you have to be here, we all have similar stories and we find strength in the telling of our truths about the transgender trend. It’s not glitter and unicorns there are too many families that are being destroyed by it, daily if not more frequently.
Posts: 1
Threads: 0
Joined: Apr 2018
So glad that I am not alone in this and yet so sad that I even have to be here. My head is spinning with thoughts as I can identify with so many on here! I don’t know where to start. My 13 yo daughter told us about a year ago that the wanted to be a boy. Out of NOWHERE! So many things don’t add up when you read/hear about those that are truly trans, i.e. they have felt and acted that way from early on.
When she was younger she WAS a girly-girl, enjoyed shopping, make-up, nails, baby-dolls...the whole thing...none of that was ever pushed on her. She has an older brother so my take is that if she truly was/is she would have been more interested in his stuff then.
Coincidentally this all came about halfway through 6th grade. Our school boundaries are a little bit whacky, so most of her female friends all went to a different middle school than her. (However, they will all end up at the same high school.) I was not too concerned for her as she is/was very outgoing and never had trouble making friends. She would still see these girls on the soccer team and through other social actitivties. She also got her period in 5th grade and really started blooming shortly after. We all know this is a difficult time for kids at this age. I am wondering if her lack of female friends, on a regular basis, pushed her to wanting to be a boy so she could fit in with her male friends ?? I also went from a mostly part time, low demand job to a very full time, high demand job around this time. Again, she had always been so resilient. Looking back, did my “lack of time” for her present as uncaring and disinterested?
Other similarities to all these stories cell phone and internet influence. (I will have to go read the articles on how to block certain sites.) Just like others she is in the gifted program, but she has not been diagnosed with any mental issues (depression, adhd, etc), though her brother, also gifted, has. She is extremely creative and is a talented writer and artist. She used to write A LOT and kept her friends entertained with her stories. They would be on pins and needles waiting for her to finish the next chapter. Her art is impressive and she has taken to anime. THIS is where the similarities end... I haven’t seen anyone else mention their child being into anime. However, in other research I have seen a correlation to anime and the whole trans thing. I don’t know much about anime, but I do know that there are a lot of gender-neutral characters. She became friends with a boy at school through anime. This boy claims he is bi-sexual (according to her), I have met him. He is very nice and quite shy. I have also met his father, who is also very nice, but not shy, lol... I am thinking that she and this boy have clicked because neither of them feel/felt like they fit in at their school. This boy went to a different elem school and will go to a different hs, within our district. She told her counselor that she go the idea from an anime video!
She told me in a text message while i was at work! I was stunned and couldn’t react immediately. She eventually told my husband in a letter. We decided not to handle this lightly and sought counseling for her. Which i now feel was a BIG mistake. This counselor has made things worse. I think she meant well, but it just worsened the whole thing. Initially she asked my daughter to research it more, I guess thinking that she would say “oh, yeah, that’s not really me.” After a lot of money and many sessions, it came to my daughter wants her breasts removed, wants to keep her female reproductive system, wants to present as a boy, is attracted to boys, but is not gay, has a name “Leo” which i find laughable as it is her astrological sign....TALK ABOUT CONFUSED!! She is quite stubborn and our concern now is that she has rung this bell and doesn’t know how to un-ring it. Her periods were bad for a while. The girl who rarely cries would be balled up on the floor bawling in pain. I agreed to take her to a pediatric GYN (yes, there is such a thing.) and she was put on a very low dose pill. It has greatly eased her periods to being almost nothing. She has not seen the counselor since being on the pill. I am strongly considering not sending her back and letting this play out on it’s own.
I will be setting stricter rules regarding devices. They are not allowed to have their phones in their rooms at night, but currently I don’t restrict their daytime use. Additionally, both kids are home unsupervised 2-3 hours/day on school days. We dont have a landline, so I cannot take her phone away.
I am really hoping to find encouragement, support, and ideas on how to handle this.
Posts: 125
Threads: 38
Joined: Apr 2018
Anime isn't an anomaly. At all. There are a few threads in the ages/Tween forum for Members.
Including the anime, our story is nearly identical. Girly child. Friends shuffling in middle school. Full time job for me after SAHM her whole life. The similarities are truly jarring, across these threads for FTM tweens and young teens.
D is 12, ADHDi, anxious, depressed self-described otaku
Posts: 294
Threads: 1
Joined: Nov 2017
(06-Apr-2018, 08:18 AM)Heroshero Wrote: Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago!
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.
My emotions are exactly as stated by Heroshero. In our case we have a son who at 151/2 came to us with the transgender announcement out of the blue. He is now nearing 17 and continuing in his belief that he is indeed female. My husband is "not happy" about this at all and would like it to end. But his emotional response has not been as deep as mine or hurt as I am. This has been one factor straining our 31 year marriage. This also has strained my relationship with our older kids..both have graduated form college already and are of the belief that gender is a "social construct". Whatever the hell that means???. The description of a cloud of sadness describes my felling for about the last 16 months. I know that most of the ROGD teens are girls but my son meets the description perfectly..he is on the Autism spectrum. I also pray to God all the time to return my wonderful, smart son back to me. Never thought something like this would happen to my family.
Mother of 22 year old ASD son who identifies as a woman for over 6 years. USA
Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults. My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male). I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope. I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female. I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely. I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first. I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male. I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters. Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome. Thank you.
Posts: 750
Threads: 38
Joined: Jul 2017
(09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults. My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male). I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope. I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female. I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely. I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first. I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male. I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters. Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome. Thank you.
You are certainly welcome here.
The age of our children varies a great deal.
We're here to support each other thru this nightmare whatever the age of our kids.
I wish you and your family the very best.
09-Apr-2018, 07:28 PM
(This post was last modified: 22-Aug-2020, 03:29 PM by Marge Bouvier Simpson.)
(09-Apr-2018, 07:21 PM)seeker Wrote: (09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults. My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male). I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope. I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female. I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely. I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first. I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male. I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters. Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome. Thank you.
You are certainly welcome here.
The age of our children varies a great deal.
We're here to support each other thru this nightmare whatever the age of our kids.
I wish you and your family the very best.
|
