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I really need to know what can I do to change this… My daughter said to me 2 years ago that she’s non binary, and it’s been like 8 month or so that she’s going by he/him online. Today she said she would like us (family) to call her by her chosen pronouns and even try her (awful) new name. Until puberty, no signs at all of GD. I fee that with the isolarion and pandemic her trans ideas deepened, because she would meet her friends online to chat and play games and Wouldn’t say no, I was worrying about her being “alone” in her bed and watched videos being worst… now I’m lost. She’s an inteovert, always shy, played house with girls’ toys but liked video/computer games a lot too. I don’t want a son, I eant my daughter. She did not have a problem being a girl during her whole childhood; back then she would say to me that she did not wanted to grow up; her GD started with puberty and having a beautiful, healthy woman’s body. Now she say’s she is assexual and “gay” - she always had crushes on male youtubers… I want to read stories of families that crossed to the other side, that beat this nightmare. Are those here? Am I dreaming that some day she’ll snap out of this? Help
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I am so happy (and a bit sad that it has to exist) to have found this forum.

My beautiful 12 year old daughter last week decided to come out as trans. First, it was a journal entry that she blatantly left out for us to read. I first ignored it and then a few days later she left a note taped to her window. And also wrote "I'm Trans" on the chalkboard and "I'm Pan" note taped out on the other window. The note stated that she was a trans boy. That she wanted to get her hair cut short and use chest binders.

She has never shown any indication before this that she wanted to be a boy. She isn't the most girly of girls but she does play with makeup and likes fashion. In fact, her school uniform has a skirt or a pants option, she ALWAYS wears the skirt. Both my husband and I don't really see how she suddenly could be trans. We're both liberal people so it's not matter of us being gay or trans phobes but a deep concern that she is being heavily influenced by social media and her friend circle. We kinda were loose with the phone and internet usage during the pandemic because it was only way she could interact with some of her friends but now it's biting us in the butt! We have since taken away the phones from both kids and shut off YouTube.

We did confront her after seeing the note and honestly she didn't give a very convincing argument as why she felt that she was a boy stuck "in a girls body". She mostly mentioned that she didn't like what girls are like. We tried to probe further of what she means and she just shrugged her shoulders. I think it has more to do with that she doesn't fit with more clique-y girls at school so she using this as an out.

Reading through this message board, I nodded my head a bunch, like, yep, that totally sounds like my kid. I am glad I am not alone. It took me awhile to find a place because everything that I searched for about trans kids was about total acceptance and affirmation and not questioning whether it is truly the right thing for your kid.

We are working on getting therapy and so glad that I have done some homework so I can find a neutral therapist instead of a "transgender specialist" which was my first instinct because I naively thought they would help my kid explore and discover who she really is and not just simply affirm and lead her down a path of making a life altering change with severe consequences.
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(27-Sep-2021, 12:31 PM)ChunkyMonkey Wrote: I am so happy (and a bit sad that it has to exist) to have found this forum.

My beautiful 12 year old daughter last week decided to come out as trans. First, it was a journal entry that she blatantly left out for us to read. I first ignored it and then a few days later she left a note taped to her window. And also wrote "I'm Trans" on the chalkboard and "I'm Pan" note taped out on the other window. The note stated that she was a trans boy. That she wanted to get her hair cut short and use chest binders.

She has never shown any indication before this that she wanted to be a boy. She isn't the most girly of girls but she does play with makeup and likes fashion. In fact, her school uniform has a skirt or a pants option, she ALWAYS wears the skirt. Both my husband and I don't really see how she suddenly could be trans. We're both liberal people so it's not matter of us being gay or trans phobes but a deep concern that she is being heavily influenced by social media and her friend circle. We kinda were loose with the phone and internet usage during the pandemic because it was only way she could interact with some of her friends but now it's biting us in the butt! We have since taken away the phones from both kids and shut off YouTube.

We did confront her after seeing the note and honestly she didn't give a very convincing argument as why she felt that she was a boy stuck "in a girls body". She mostly mentioned that she didn't like what girls are like. We tried to probe further of what she means and she just shrugged her shoulders. I think it has more to do with that she doesn't fit with more clique-y girls at school so she using this as an out.

Reading through this message board, I nodded my head a bunch, like, yep, that totally sounds like my kid. I am glad I am not alone. It took me awhile to find a place because everything that I searched for about trans kids was about total acceptance and affirmation and not questioning whether it is truly the right thing for your kid.

We are working on getting therapy and so glad that I have done some homework so I can find a neutral therapist instead of a "transgender specialist" which was my first instinct because I naively thought they would help my kid explore and discover who she really is and not just simply affirm and lead her down a path of making a life altering change with severe consequences.

Hello, ChunkyMonkey, and welcome to the board. I'm glad you've found us but sorry you have the need to. Your story sounds very familiar; so many of us have found ourselves in similar positions, with both boys and girls.

Your account has been activated. I recommend posting in the members-only area as forum members don't visit this public portion of the board all that much. I hope you find the forum helpful.

Best wishes.
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Hello, I would also like my account activated please.

My story seems to be mostly the same as the others. 13yo daughter wants to be a boy.

The biggest difference is that I also think she is mentally ill. Her behavior and personality had a sudden dramatic change. She went from being happy, healthy, goody-two-shoes, kind, lots of friends.... to emo-appearing, friendless, rude, plus stealing things, cutting, lying, and recently homicidal ideations.

I think we did find a good therapist. But my problem is that she needs actual psychiatric care and I am terrified of taking her to the wrong kind of place. I think she needs meds, but I don't know where to go. We really think that her personality change and scary behaviors are a result of being socially affirmed at school. So any psych facility that is affirming could make it a lot worse.

(13-Jul-2021, 03:06 PM)saramolly Wrote: Can someone post a list of the web sites that we should be concerned about (maybe to block)?

Hello, I'm sure there is info in the members-only area.  I'm not approved yet so idk.

But we blocked just about everything on our daughter's phone.  The only thing she can do is text and listen to music.  I have heard to block: reddit, youtube, ticktock, snapchat, tumbler, and any kind of anime/manga websites.
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(12-Oct-2021, 03:57 PM)giraffe4 Wrote: Hello, I would also like my account activated please.

My story seems to be mostly the same as the others.  13yo daughter wants to be a boy.

The biggest difference is that I also think she is mentally ill.  Her behavior and personality had a sudden dramatic change.  She went from being happy, healthy, goody-two-shoes, kind, lots of friends.... to emo-appearing, friendless, rude, plus stealing things, cutting, lying, and recently homicidal ideations. 

I think we did find a good therapist.  But my problem is that she needs actual psychiatric care and I am terrified of taking her to the wrong kind of place.  I think she needs meds, but I don't know where to go.  We really think that her personality change and scary behaviors are a result of being socially affirmed at school.  So any psych facility that is affirming could make it a lot worse.

(13-Jul-2021, 03:06 PM)saramolly Wrote: Can someone post a list of the web sites that we should be concerned about (maybe to block)?

Hello, I'm sure there is info in the members-only area.  I'm not approved yet so idk.

But we blocked just about everything on our daughter's phone.  The only thing she can do is text and listen to music.  I have heard to block: reddit, youtube, ticktock, snapchat, tumbler, and any kind of anime/manga websites.

Hi, giraffe4, your account is activated.

I's sorry about your daughter's mental health issues. Can you take her to a private psychiatrist for outpatient care? If so, try to find one who is older and well experienced, as they seem less apt to buy into gender nonsense. I also recommend posting your question in the members-only area, where it is likely to get more response.

I hope you find the forum helpful. Welcome.
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