From the Members

[MamaFighter]

I am both sad and grateful to have found this forum. I have not slept for 3 days. About a year ago my daughter got a girlfriend. She then said she was non binary and pan sexual. At the time we were very open band supportive. We told her it was totally normal to explore who you are and not have to settle on a definition. 3 days ago I happened to notice in her TikTok bio that she has switched to using he/him. A deep dive intowho she was following and it was alll trans accounts. I asked her about it and now she is saying she doesn't feel right in her body anymore. I told her that's what adolescence is and everyone feels like that. All her friends use different pronouns now too! She is so intelligent but very introverted. She has never shown any indication that would make us think any different while she said she has always felt different. We are in the process of having her diagnosed as being on the spectrum. I am so unbelievably terrified. I feel like my daughter has been completely indoctrinated and I'm a terrible person for not going along with the cult. I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I don't want to make it worse but every instinct in my body is telling me this is so wrong.

Sending you virtual Hugs. All I can say is we need to stick together. We need each other's support. Follow your instincts!! This is not just a phase. Do all you can before it is too late. Depending on her age a few options: Shut her phone off or lock it down so she can only be in contact with family. Remove all internet access. Homeschool, seriously. Don't let her out of your sight, spend more time together...

[Miriamelle]

Every time I read one of these stories (seems like a new one daily) along with the ones begging for reliable therapists, it reminds me of that scene in The Wall (Pink Floyd for any newbies) where the children are propelled down the conveyor belt into the meat grinder. It makes me so angry and just feels entirely like an alternate reality. I like the Army of Moms idea, gotta say.

[Wolfie]

Hi - I'm the mum of a very happy 9 year old daughter who doesn't conform to "girl". She wears "boys" clothes, all her friends are boys, and she hates anything girly. She has now asked that her long hair is cut short into a "boy" style. I've asked her if she wants to be a boy, and she has said no. I'm worried about what the future holds, that she is going to be subject to all kinds of pressures.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi - I'm the mum of a very happy 9 year old daughter who doesn't conform to "girl". She wears "boys" clothes, all her friends are boys, and she hates anything girly. She has now asked that her long hair is cut short into a "boy" style. I've asked her if she wants to be a boy, and she has said no. I'm worried about what the future holds, that she is going to be subject to all kinds of pressures.

Hi Wolfie,

You are smart to be looking and thinking ahead. It is great your daughter doesn't want to be a boy, since for one thing it is impossible! I think there may be ways you can "inoculate" your daughter against gender ideology, or at least increase the chances that she won't get pulled in and fall for the lie that liking things that supposedly only boys like, and wanting to play with boys, means she is a boy.

Your membership has been approved. I invite you to bring this conversation into our members-only area, as this public area of the forum doesn't get much traffic. You have the wonderful advantage of not only seeing nonconformity in  your daughter now at age 9, but also the lessons learned by those of us who were blind-sided several years ago before anyone realized what was going on, how pervasive and trendy being trans is among kids, and how kids are being taught in school that if someone doesn't fall in line with sexist stereotypes, it means that person is trans. I think forum members will have lots of positive ideas for you. If only I had had some sort of hint this was coming before age 15, if only I had known the types of things kids were being taught online... perhaps things would be different for my own daughter. Learn all you can, because your daughter might get a trans label suggested to her or even pushed on by others her due to her natural nonconformity. Unfortunately, that is the state of things currently.

Welcome to the forum.

[kat.jack.anon]

My daughter told me a few days ago she is trans. She is very uncomfortable with the changes her body has gone through due to puberty, and she wants to cut her hair short and wear baggy clothes to hide her breasts. She admitted to me she doesn't know if this feeling with last, but for now, she really feels like a boy, and wants to go by he/him pronouns.

I just don't know what to do. This has been consuming me since she told me. I can't think about anything else. I can't sleep or eat. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I'm so grateful to have found this forum.

[BefuddledParent]

Hi. I am hoping that I am posting good in the right area. I am looking for a discussion where parents can talk with each other and compare stories and just support each other. About 3 months ago my barely 20 year old son announced he was a girl. Two weeks ago he started estrogen. I am a wreck over this. I had suspected he might be gay because he had never had a girlfriend, but he didn't seem to like guys either. He says he is a lesbian. He now has a girlfriend. I am divorced and don't have much for people to talk about this with and am hoping to find people who think similar to me and have some personal experience to share.
thank you.

This board is set up for what parents like you. We tend to be sceptical about the whole "born in the wrong body"  thing, but aren't here to argue about it but are here to support each other and have a space to talk about how we feel. 

This area of the board, the public area, colored blue is open to anyone to read. If you like I can move your post (and this reply) to the members only area of the board. Just reply here and I will sort it out.

Do bear in mind that we cannot control who joins up, so you should take care not to reveal identifying information about yourself.

---

This is my very first post - my wife and I learned just 72 hours ago that our biological son (mid-20s and only child) and living in another state is transgender. We never had any signs, whatsoever, and this has hit us hard, shaking our world in a way we simply never imagined. The onset seems quite sudden to us and since "they" live alone, have not had much face-to-face interaction with people, except us an our monthly visits. It appears that all of his research, conversations, and virtual counseling happened after months into the covid lockdowns and protocols.

We love our child beyond all measure and want nothing but the best life for them but this seemingly rapid onset has us frightened and confused. Our child is exceptionally intelligent and in a grad program. They have NEVER rushed into anything like this before but they want us to trust that they are certain.

I kept it together until our visit ended but I burst into sobs when we got in the car and drove away. I feel like we have lost or are in grave danger of losing our adult child. I am currently seeking a therapist that my wife and I can speak with. 

I am so scared and we both feel so alone right now as we cannot tell anyone until our child is ready to come out.

Any thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi. I am hoping that I am posting good in the right area. I am looking for a discussion where parents can talk with each other and compare stories and just support each other. About 3 months ago my barely 20 year old son announced he was a girl. Two weeks ago he started estrogen. I am a wreck over this. I had suspected he might be gay because he had never had a girlfriend, but he didn't seem to like guys either. He says he is a lesbian. He now has a girlfriend. I am divorced and don't have much for people to talk about this with and am hoping to find people who think similar to me and have some personal experience to share.
thank you.

This board is set up for what parents like you. We tend to be sceptical about the whole "born in the wrong body"  thing, but aren't here to argue about it but are here to support each other and have a space to talk about how we feel. 

This area of the board, the public area, colored blue is open to anyone to read. If you like I can move your post (and this reply) to the members only area of the board. Just reply here and I will sort it out.

Do bear in mind that we cannot control who joins up, so you should take care not to reveal identifying information about yourself.

---

This is my very first post - my wife and I learned just 72 hours ago that our biological son (mid-20s and only child) and living in another state is transgender. We never had any signs, whatsoever, and this has hit us hard, shaking our world in a way we simply never imagined. The onset seems quite sudden to us and since "they" live alone, have not had much face-to-face interaction with people, except us an our monthly visits. It appears that all of his research, conversations, and virtual counseling happened after months into the covid lockdowns and protocols.

We love our child beyond all measure and want nothing but the best life for them but this seemingly rapid onset has us frightened and confused. Our child is exceptionally intelligent and in a grad program. They have NEVER rushed into anything like this before but they want us to trust that they are certain.

I kept it together until our visit ended but I burst into sobs when we got in the car and drove away. I feel like we have lost or are in grave danger of losing our adult child. I am currently seeking a therapist that my wife and I can speak with. 

I am so scared and we both feel so alone right now as we cannot tell anyone until our child is ready to come out.

Any thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.

Welcome, Befuddled. Now that your account has been activated, I invite you to post in our members-only area. Your post is more likely to be seen there, since members don't typically visit this public area of the forum too often.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I think you'll find helpful advice and fellowship in the members-only area. There are so many parents in similar situations. You are not alone.

[Sunflower]

Feel guilty for hoping this board was updating like a ticker tape.  Thousands and thousands of threads - too many to count - but still happy to read I'm not alone.

Admittedly, after I didn't sleep for a month prying - taking over transportation duties to remove influences - installing keyboard capture software - searching texts every night at 3am - I just went into a funk - a bit of a depression.  Found online the "dismal tide" was high, and there weren't any obvious voices.  Was I wrong?

Sure, it sounds crazy that 90% of the voices are screaming at those of us defining gender as evil.  Telling us we are outdated, yet telling our kids if they don't conform to the very gender norms we are hated for observing, then most likely their "identity is broken" - so they need to hate themselves and their body and mutilate it and take chemicals ASAP.  Why doesn't that sound like insanity anymore??

Seriously, why has HATE become disguised as "acceptance" - and how can we stop it?  How did a 19 year old introvert get convinced overnight that "accepting" herself for what she is - has only one alternative "death" - which apparently is the equivalent of a parent's ignorance and lack of understanding.  Yet, when I explain to her in clear, concise terms I love her "exactly" the way she is and she should celebrate her differences - I'm suddenly categorized - as she has been TAUGHT by this movement all of what is the equivalent of the "apologist tricks" of the un-accepting parent.  There is not a single 'logical', 'factual' argument that can be made...and yes...I found the videos on YouTube she 'started' with...and they are equally confused teens...'teaching' others [not out of hate, but simply out of a need for comradery] exactly what to say...what every parental response means...and very subtle in their revelation that "suicide" is a powerful tool.

...one day I spoke aloud about it to a single friend.  It wasn't easy.  His eyes got moist and he got antsy.  I thought he'd confided in my all his son's issues, but suddenly he felt relieved to tell me about a "3 months of shear Hell" where his introverted, socially awkward son - found the SAME influence very suddenly and quickly and it moved fast - but they got him here and there and moved quickly.  My friend calls the stress of it like "sitting with your back to something horrible, hoping it will disappear back into the darkness and not kill you" and I completely understand.   I also learned during that conversation it's a "dismal tide", parents afraid, scared to get kids in the 'wrong' counseling situation, in the wrong group, so afraid of tripping into the wrong influence...THARN.

   What is happening.  It's a question and a statement.

If you can destroy the family, you win. It's that simple

[saramolly]

Can someone post a list of the web sites that we should be concerned about (maybe to block)?

[Boo]

Hi everyone , 

So I’m a mom of 4 girls and mom to 3 step kids two girls and a boy. I lost my eldest daughter not long ago and have been a little lost.   I have a daughter who is 16 years old , who  at 14 decided she wanted to cut her long hair short, over the last two years we have let her develop her individuality, male clothes dyed hair piercings , with no concerns in fact she is a really good kid. A while ago she said that she felt she did not identify as a girl she is unsure of her sexuality and we have told her that we are here to support her. A letter arrived addressed to someone I didn’t no and when asked she said she had changed her name and now identified as he/him. The thing is she has never talked to us regarding this, although we said that we would support her in previously chats and nothing more was said . Over the last week she started college and her behaviour has changed I don’t no who my child is , we were told she was dating a female to male on testosterone  since the age of 14 not a problem at all , on Thursday morning at 4 am  my daughter left the house with the mother of this child , who  has purchased a binder for my daughter , and my child has pierced her own face, we asked the police for support to bring her home and was told she is 16 she does not have too , we asked for help everywhere and no help she was removed by the police to another friends house girl who identifies as jake she has known these people for 4 days 4 days . Last night she arrived at my home where my door was kicked off the hinges nearly, she was shouting pigs anti trans , I feel she is in a home very pro transgender and LGBTQ’s and feel there is no middle ground as we would be addressing all areas currently we feel she is only hearing one , they have been over heard saying you don’t have to go bk it’s your body say your parents did this say this  she was arrested and returned to the home of her friend , positive for her as she is allowed to do what she likes my concern is that I am not sure if this is a sexuality issue body dysmorphic disorder or rapid gender dysphasia we are open as long as my child is happy but I’m seeing a lot of reports on de transitioning and long term effects no one is supporting us al she is 16 and I want her to be sure be fully informed and understand treatment if this is who she wants to be but she does not have to return I’ve lost one child I could not go through that again currently hanging by a thread ?