From the Members

[Jane D]

Our daughter is 14 and was wearing make-up and skirts up until this past November.  Last month, she came out as a trans male.  She asked to be called by her new male name as well as using the correct pronouns him/his.  Her Dad and I were floored...I had intestinal issues for a week after from being so anxious and stressed.  We agreed to let her wear boys clothing and to get her very long, beauful curls cut to a boy cut.  I feel like the child I birthed has died and there is a new, unaffectionate...very cold person living with us.  Our hearts are broken.  Daddy no longer has his little girl.  Trying to make my brain recognize the girl we raised for 14 years...now as a boy...is nearly impossible.  I can't look at pictures of when she was a girl.  And when I look at her now, I don't know where our baby went.  She no longer hugs us and seems to not even like us very much.  She has lived a charmed life and I almost feel that she is doing this as part of her rebellion against us.  She has never had a boyfriend or girlfried...never been kissed.  She has OCD and anxiety and yes...glued to the internet with trans friend groups who she only knows via internet.  She is exceptionally smart.  I think that is part of the problem.  We would give anything for a solid C average kid at this point.  Our greatest worry is suicide.  It is the hardest of lives...being gay is socially acceptable, but being trans?  We fear when "guys" find out, they will beat the crap out of her.  I have nightmares about it.  I feel like I lost control and I can't protect my baby anymore.  We were always a very close knit family of 3 and she was a very loving and affectionate child...until this past Covid year of isolation.  We tell "him" we love him all the time...we said we will support him...but this is his decision to make when he is a legal adult....hormones, surgeries...etc.  We will not submit to allowing a child make these permanent changes, only to be blamed later for allowing it.  It is a very dangerous road and we are old and exhausted parents.  I look at my husband and my heart breaks.  He was a stay at home Dad...gave his all to raising her...he is so broken and trying hard.  I pray constantly that this too will pass, as did so many other phases.  She seems so bold online...but when in public, hides if she sees someone she knows?  And that is with a mask on?  Why isn't she proud?  We are hoping she is questioning herself.  It feels good to write this and feel support from other parents who understand.