From the Members

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello. I am so grateful to have found this site for support.
 To begin, my daughter is 24 years old and I have thought for some time that she might be gay. I have always told her she can talk to me about anything. I love her unconditionally and nothing will ever change that. She has never opened up to me, but I have always wanted her to know she could tell me anything. My husband, her dad, died two years ago and we have had a rough two years.

 Recently she did tell me that she has never thought of herself as female. I am so ignorant of all of this, but I want to be there for her no matter what. Last Sunday she said when she looks in a mirror, she wants to throw up at what she sees. I am so terrified for her and feel totally unsure of how to help her. I suggested she might talk to a therapist in this field who could help her make whatever decisions she needs to make,  but she said she didn't want to talk to a stranger. I wonder if maybe I should see a therapist in this field who could help me become better equipped to help her. I just don't know. 

 Please if anyone has suggestions for me, I would appreciate them. I also feel an unbearable sadness as if my child is disappearing.  Is this normal?.
 I have registered here so hopefully someone can teach me how to navigate this forum .

THANK YOU

Hello ProudMother, and welcome to the forum. Your account has been activated.

Rest assured your feelings are normal. It is incredibly difficult to think about or experience our children, in a sense, disappearing and turning into someone new. 


I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's feelings when she looks in the mirror. I think her feelings are probably very normal, as well. There is a lot of misogyny and hatred of lesbians, both blatant and subtle, out in the world. It seems it is a common occurrence these days for lesbian young women to "throw in the towel" so to speak and claim a male identity, perhaps thinking life wouldn't be so difficult if they were male. It certainly sounds as though therapy could be beneficial for your daughter, but I hope she will choose or allow you to help her choose a therapist who will slowly help her get to the bottom of these feelings she is having rather than rush her into believing she must change her body to appear male. Although, if she is an independent adult, your input may not be possible. 


It seems unbelievable that therapists would not take the slow, cautious route with patients before recommending medical transition, but crazily enough, fast-tracking transition is standard these days. It is very important that these types of therapists are avoided, but unfortunately they are the norm rather than the exception.


Now that your account is activated, I hope you'll continue this discussion in the members-only area, where you'll have a bit more privacy to discuss this, and also where your post is likely to get more responses. Our members can also help you with some advice on finding a therapist for your daughter, as well as ways you may be able to help her yourself.

Welcome, and best wishes.