From the Members

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello, H-Dad,

Yes your membership has been activated and you now have access to our members' forums. Welcome, and sorry to hear about your daughter having struggles. You'll find many more parents with similar stories in our forum, so come on in.

[LovingMom]

My 15 year old daughter suddenly came out as non-binary about a month ago. She was always a feminine girl, with no interest in "typically boyish" activities or things. She still isn't interested in "typical boyish" things. Now, she says she isn't a girl, but doesn't want to be a boy. She still wears make-up and dresses and skirts most of the time, but every so often she'll put on a baggy shirt and boy's shorts. It just doesn't make any sense. She wants everyone to call her they/them and she wants to bind her breasts (I said no to binding). She never told me she had any issues with her body until a month ago, but she says she has felt like this for a couple of years? I feel lost on how to deal with this, there was never any warning. She has self-diagnosed from watching videos on youtube and reading on Tumblr.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Welcome, LovingMom.

Your story sounds so similar to so many of ours. I'm assuming you've already read how so many of these ROGD kids have autism or other issues such as ADHD, OCD, BPD, depression, anxiety, etc. Some other common threads seem to be kids that have suffered trauma, whether that means sexual assault, bullying, rejection by friends, death of a loved one, family issues such as divorce or a sibling that is seriously ill or disabled, moving to a new town, etc. Some kids are coming to terms with being homosexual and additionally may have been bullied for being an effeminate boy or a masculine girl. Some are simply very suggestible and are following along with what friends are doing and saying. Personally I think some girls are so put off by the porn they are exposed to online, that becoming male seems like their best strategy for avoiding the sick sexual abuse depicted against women in porn. It seems some kids are attention-seeking, or perhaps more likely, want control. Kids who are low on the school social status scale come out as trans, and suddenly they get to tell their parents how to act and how to treat them, teachers bend over backwards for them, they get their own bathrooms at school, get to choose their own name, are protected from bullies, maybe even get a big school assembly in their honor or written up in the newspaper for being brave and wonderful.

Your d may not even understand her own reasons for what is going on.

You'll find the typical advice here is to avoid "gender specialists" at all costs, delete or at least heavily cut back on and monitor the internet, and to get your d involved in as many enrichment-type activities as possible, working in some critical thinking skills (Can a girl really become a boy? Any rational, critical thinker will say NO). Most parents here also let their kids wear whatever clothes and hairstyles they want, but draw the line at binders, name changes and opposite-sex pronouns (however, every family is different and each must work out what strategies are best for them).

I'm sorry you had a need for this site, but glad you found it. There is much more information and advice here than what I've written above. You'll find much emotional support here, as well. You are not alone.

[NotAnOstrich]

My 15 year old daughter suddenly came out as non-binary about a month ago. She was always a feminine girl, with no interest in "typically boyish" activities or things. She still isn't interested in "typical boyish" things. Now, she says she isn't a girl, but doesn't want to be a boy. She still wears make-up and dresses and skirts most of the time, but every so often she'll put on a baggy shirt and boy's shorts. It just doesn't make any sense. She wants everyone to call her they/them and she wants to bind her breasts (I said no to binding). She never told me she had any issues with her body until a month ago, but she says she has felt like this for a couple of years? I feel lost on how to deal with this, there was never any warning. She has self-diagnosed from watching videos on youtube and reading on Tumblr.

Welcome to the board. My daughter sounds a lot like yours. She came out as non-binary in the beginning of July. Her one ask, other than short hair and her baggy boyish clothes, was a binder. I drew a hard line. No binder. She really fought about it for a good month but seems to accept it now. No more binder fights. Yay! I’m feeling a lot more relaxed now. We’ve made our boundaries (dress how you want but you are a girl) and she seem so to be ok with it. I did buy her a spanxx type tank top as a concession. Got it from Kohl’s. She had it on for 10 minutes and declared that it was way too uncomfortable and she hasn’t tried it on since. She also ordered herself a binder from our Amazon account right after she “came out”. Huge fights ensued. I eventually opened the darn package and seeing how small and tight it was, let her try it on. It took forever to get on and off, she had it on for at most 5 minutes. At the time she said it felt “fine” but she’s never asked where I hid the thing. Even though she won’t  admit it I really think she’s concluded that binders are uncomfortable and that she really doesn’t want to wear one. She doesn’t even wear a sports bra. Just a normal bra everyday. I tried to tell her about all the health hazards; that didn’t move her at all. 

If you haven’t checked out Sasha Ayad’s site, inspiredteentherapy.com, I highly recommend it. Her perspective really helped me in how to talk to my daughter about this stuff.

[Aw1]

Hi. I am hoping that I am posting good in the right area. I am looking for a discussion where parents can talk with each other and compare stories and just support each other. About 3 months ago my barely 20 year old son announced he was a girl. Two weeks ago he started estrogen. I am a wreck over this. I had suspected he might be gay because he had never had a girlfriend, but he didn't seem to like guys either. He says he is a lesbian. He now has a girlfriend. I am divorced and don't have much for people to talk about this with and am hoping to find people who think similar to me and have some personal experience to share.
thank you.

This board is set up for what parents like you. We tend to be sceptical about the whole "born in the wrong body"  thing, but aren't here to argue about it but are here to support each other and have a space to talk about how we feel. 

This area of the board, the public area, colored blue is open to anyone to read. If you like I can move your post (and this reply) to the members only area of the board. Just reply here and I will sort it out.

Do bear in mind that we cannot control who joins up, so you should take care not to reveal identifying information about yourself.

---

Hi
I’m in a very similar situation to M2cozy1 and would like to discuss things but not publicly . Please can you let me know how to ?

Thank you

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello Aw1, and welcome.

Your membership has now been activated and you should have access to the members-only forums now, where you can post less publicly.

[Lisa]

Hi,
I’m new here.
My daughter says she does not feel like a girl or a boy. She wanted to get a chest binder, but we could convince her that it was a bad idea for health reasons.


Now she wants to change her name to a boy’s name.

I hope I can find help and support on these forums.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi Lisa. Your account has been activated and you now have access to the members-only areas. I think you'll find lots of support here. Welcome.

[Guest]

Hello! I'm seeing my name come up in the public forum but not seeing the members only forums yet - is there something else I need to do? Thank you.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

[quote pid='19499' dateline='1539212560']
Hello! I'm seeing my name come up in the public forum but not seeing the members only forums yet - is there something else I need to do? Thank you.
[/quote]
Hi there, and welcome.

Have you registered? Because you are showing as "guest" I'm wondering if perhaps you have not registered. If you have registered, keep in mind that all registrations must be activated by a moderator before registrants have access to the members-only forums. I believe all current registrations are now activated, so try again to log in with your chosen user name and password and see if you can now access the members-only forums.

Please post here again if you are still unable to log in.