Joining The Support Board

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello, 

I'm a young man who has a female friend ('Dani') who is going through a roughpatch.  

She is the daughter of one of my father's friends. We first met when she was 11 years old. I'm somewhat older than her, so I didn't spend much time with her back then, but I remember her well enough to know that she showed no evidence of childhood onset gender dysphoria. Over the years I would see her at parties and I never 'coded' her as being on the LGBT spectrum. She was a little tomboyish as a young teen but not excessively so. She fit in well with other girls, was happy, was outgoing, and dressed normally. 

The only noteworthy things about Dani were that: 

1) She sometimes had anxiety issues. This would happen at seemingly random times. 

2) She had an intense fascination with WWII, the Eastern Front, and the Baltic Countries. 

I ended up becoming reacquainted with her last year (she was 18) and it became clear that she had a very intense crush on me. She struck me as surprisingly attractive, gifted, and witty - but depressed. She didn't seem ready to be in a serious relationship and I had some health issues to deal with so I decided that we should be casual friends. 

We started chatting a bit a few months ago. I learned that all of Dani's other friends are LGBT and that she had been toying with various gender non-conforming identities. I also learned, from a relative, that Dani had lost nearly all of her non-LGBT friends under difficult circumstances (she had been bullied by two girls who she'd previously been friends with). 

Many of the traits described in this thread fit her: 

- Depressed. 
- Socially isolated. 
- Gifted. 
- Anxious and Shy. 
- Physically Feminine / AKA Not Masculine (she's actually quite big chested for a thin girl and I think this may have caused some anxiety for her growing up). 
- Difficult Relationship With Her Parents.



There's more that I can say, but I'd rather not put it on a public thread. 

Would deeply appreciate being able to read the rest of the forum and see others experiences.

Welcome to the forum, Alex99.

Your friend sounds like a classic case of a girl who may be in danger of using gender identity to either fit in, become someone new and brave, distract herself from her problems, etc. 

You are a kind friend to be concerned and to be looking for information that might help prevent her from becoming a lifelong medical patient and/or making irreversible changes she may regret.

I think you might be in a unique position to help her, since these kids are often taught to see parents as the enemy, or at best old-fashioned who just don't understand gender identity issues. Since you are a friend and closer to her age, she may be more willing to listen to you and consider what you have to say, although it can be tricky for sure when telling someone things they don't want to hear. A lot of our kids are deeply indoctrinated and refuse to consider or even listen to any other perspective. There is advice in the members-area on how to approach this.

Your account has been activated. Welcome to the forum.