02-Jun-2022, 11:23 PM
(02-Jun-2022, 06:13 PM)DadandMom Wrote: Mom and Dad (really just Dad) just joined.
2 nights ago our 17 yr old daughter wants to be a boy. While shocked, we probably took the cues not strong enough. (baggy clothing, cutting her hair off, being highly ingrained in the LGBTQ movement.)
The bad news. She has has already come out with her friends over a year ago. We are just catching up. She has done all of the research, etc, and has made up her mind 90% (her words)
The good news is she has a new boyfriend, (who is gay apparently?) It is the first real relationship she has had. She is also beautiful (when she want to be) as a girl. Meaning, and I dont know how to say this PC, so i apologize, skinny, nice "proportions" beautiful face, etc, etc. She is also a straight A student from a typical household. Loving family with 3 kids, all close in age. and she has friends.
I guess the reason why we are skeptical is because of her actions. Dresses up with makeup, wears crop tops. puts in contacts. All when she is going out with friends and wants to be noticed. (Especially her boyfriend) who we have met. Also she like to do girl stuff. (Again, i know this isn't PC and don't want to gender assign) sews, paints nails, etc, etc. She doesn't do anything that you would expect from a boy.
There is not a lot of resources out there that is not slanted. I know the first step is to talk to her plainly and be supportive. (If she really is trans, then fine, but all of the evidence and actions just don't jive)
The second step is to find a professional that she, us, and the rest of the family can talk to. (We dont even know where to start) What i am worried about is her having surgery and hormone treatments with out vetting 110%.
It is going to be a process, for Mom and Dad, just aren't going to say ok without questioning. (While being respectful and supportive)
Welcome.
I'm sorry yet another parent is having to deal with yet another kid who has come out as trans, suddenly and out of the blue.
It does sound like you are off to a good start as far as understanding what you are dealing with. You are correct that most resources are slanted toward the "affirmation only" approach. There's a podcast called "Gender: A Wider Lens" that offers lots of great information. It is often recommended as a place to start for parents in your position.
Be cautious when hiring a therapist or other professional. Most will immediately affirm. It can be very difficult to find one that is neutral. Some will even claim to be neutral when speaking with parents but will then secretly affirm when working with your child.
Your account has been activated. You'll find support from like-minded parents in the members-only area. Again, welcome. Best wishes.
