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Joining The Support Board
#35
(29-Nov-2018, 03:58 AM)dart Wrote: New to this topic and very concerned about a younger relation who is taking testosterone and going for "top" surgery. Appears to be sudden onset of "trans" after abuse in prior relationship and gay-male relationship which ended; very very intelligent and very ideological. .....  no one in family wants to hear about this 'trend' among young adult females. What to do???

Hi Dart - new to this also, my prayers are with you.  Getting on this board is a great step in the right direction.  Look for Sasha Ayad who is a Jungian Therapist.  Look at 4th Wave Now.  I'm in the midst of reading a book called "Freedom of Mind" by Steven Hassan about using the entire family and friends to get loved ones out of a cult.  There is a thread on this board that is active at the moment about how to explain to the family how this trans thing is the latest "fad".  (Like cutting, anorexia, etc.)  Obviously these are much more serious than the fads of pet rocks and fashion - but can grip them in a similar manner.

Sasha Ayad and many others talk about a "nuanced" approach.  (as does Hassan).  With my daughter I probably come on a bit too strong.  I try not to, but it is just so hard.  She too is smart - why can't she see that this isn't the answer to her social anxiety!?  But, if one comes on too strong they are programmed to disown you.

Do lots and lots of research.  Trust yourself, and your knowledge of your loved one.  It is VERY rare that gender dysphoria (a VERY REAL thing) is due to an "incompatible" body.  Often it is due to abuse (as with yours), and is also now prevalent in girls with anxiety, autisim, and other mental issues that make normal social relationships difficult. 

Before any interaction with my daughter I try to calm myself down, think solely about her, and the anguish that she must be going through to think that this transitioning is the solution.  Above all - I let her know that NO MATTER WHAT - I love her, and will love her.  (Heh - of course I don't use the term "her"!)   I do try to minimize the use of her real name in an attempt to respect her choices as an adult.  But she also knows that I don't use her boy name, and that I don't agree with her decision to continue with transition.

But, in spite of our differences on our views, if we can both be polite in dealing with each other, that at least allows for a conversation.  And hopefully we will both LEARN something from each other.
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Messages In This Thread
Joining The Support Board - by admin - 12-Oct-2017, 10:44 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by BandMom - 05-May-2018, 09:03 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by rheumy - 07-May-2018, 08:29 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by GCDad - 07-May-2018, 09:26 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Redlili - 10-May-2018, 06:29 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by georgie11 - 05-Jun-2018, 11:23 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by mom1211 - 25-Jun-2018, 04:45 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by GCDad - 25-Jun-2018, 04:51 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by theweegal - 26-Jun-2018, 09:48 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by coppola17 - 04-Apr-2019, 05:07 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Dinosaur chicken - 27-Jun-2018, 09:38 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by GCDad - 27-Jun-2018, 11:05 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by theweegal - 27-Jun-2018, 10:39 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by GrannyB - 30-Jul-2018, 03:21 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Nu Ren - 04-Aug-2018, 12:38 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by sortingitout - 28-Aug-2018, 07:07 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Obimomkenobi - 06-Sep-2018, 06:48 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Lisa - 23-Sep-2018, 02:23 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Barbara44 - 17-Oct-2018, 12:36 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Waddle12 - 08-Nov-2018, 05:01 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Waddle12 - 08-Nov-2018, 06:38 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by onyxie - 17-Nov-2018, 04:33 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by motherLV - 24-Nov-2018, 03:47 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by dart - 29-Nov-2018, 03:58 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Keith - 29-Nov-2018, 10:43 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Guest - 29-Nov-2018, 07:28 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Garland_ - 03-Dec-2018, 05:18 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by cat - 04-Dec-2018, 12:37 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Guest - 04-Dec-2018, 03:52 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by EverHopeful - 05-Dec-2018, 12:49 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by MomQuestions - 29-Dec-2018, 08:18 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by rensides - 11-Jan-2019, 05:05 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by NYCmom71 - 28-Mar-2019, 12:04 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by truthseeker - 07-Apr-2019, 04:43 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Guest - 07-Apr-2019, 09:34 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Gem670 - 08-Apr-2019, 08:29 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Mom of Two - 11-Apr-2019, 05:17 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Dispparent - 19-Apr-2019, 08:34 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by NeedSupport - 06-May-2019, 10:57 PM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Keith - 21-May-2019, 10:43 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by jaysmom - 19-Jul-2019, 05:13 AM
RE: Joining The Support Board - by Kurz0 - Yesterday, 02:49 PM

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