About the Gender Critical Support Board

[mrscarrey]

Hi, mom to 11 year old daughter here. Very creative, independent, always did her own thing, loves to role play, found "amino" chat group which shares art, but also has "communities" which include LGBTQ boards and I've found when kids post their artwork, they always assign a "gender and sexuality" to their characters, so she was probably introduced to these concepts online - other than basic discussions with us. 6th grade here is middle school and it's been very tough for her. Friends are changing, hormones (she's well into starting puberty, even started her first period - which she seemed excited about!), and has trouble staying focused on and turning in timely work at school. Also, found online video game - a psychological horror game called "Doki Doki Literature Club" where lesbians date each other, but one takes over the computer and you're forced to watch her manipulate all of the other girls to commit suicide. This along with the fact that she expresses feelings for girls (which we are totally fine with) I believe lead her to suicide ideation. After drawing scary pictures at school of nooses and cries for help, had to pick her up, go to crisis center and then 5 days in behavioral health facility. This has all been very surreal for us as she was always just a kid before 6th grade. There's a chance she may be high functioning spectrum, it's hard to know for sure and I've not had much luck in locating specialists in girls autism. Both my girls scored off the charts in reading in elementary school. When she went through intense feelings of sadness after starting 6th grade, starting working with a counselor. After 1.5 months, the counselor said she was going to start referring to her as "they/them" and asked us how we would feel about having a son instead of a daughter!! My husband and I were shocked to say the least! Now, I know that while transgender people exist and deserve dignity and respect for their feelings, we are talking about an 11 year old girl, who can't possibly understand what that life entails. I made the mistake of checking out LGBTQ books from the library in my effort to help her feel more comfortable about exploring, but these books included pro-nouns and transgender identities and I think she's become confused with normal feelings of not fitting in and of being a tomboy and possible lesbian with being born in the wrong body! I have serious grave concerns with "professionals" who just go along with the feelings of an 11 year old in terms of allowing them to so easily fall into the trap of social transition. We tried for a day or two and I just couldn't do it. She tried to use the men's bathroom once at the mall and ran out a minute later saying that "all the grown men were giving her bad looks" etc. To be honest, I was relieved, because that would only be the beginning of a very difficult life. I will not set my daughter down the path of social transition without allowing her to truly experience life as a girl and being gently reinforced that she is a girl and under no circumstances will I consider medical intervention. My hope is to help guide her and give her the tools to question herself so she can make the best decisions for her life. She has also brought up things like how girls and woman are depicted in media and how it's not fair that women can't play with men, etc, so she is obviously observing life and questioning these things. I did let her get her hair cut short and of course that made her feel excited and special at school which worries me that it reinforces, act like a boy to fit in. I am ok with clothing choices, hairstyle exploration, etc. but I don't want her to fall into an identity trap. We've also restricted all internet access at home. They don't like it, but I think it's helped. At this point, we're just trying to keep her engaged and talking to us (which she does and we're grateful) and will have her join some sports groups/ art groups etc to expand her circle of interests and friends. She still enjoys girl scouts and says she wants to stay in it (after asking another co-leader if one could be transgender and still be in girl scouts (sigh)). For now she's not pushed the "boy" issue for a little while and considers herself lesbian, but I have to be best prepared for if this issue raises it's head again. I am speaking with her counselor more at length tomorrow to see is she is the right fit. I've already expressed that I am not on board with supporting any type of transition and that my daughter needs to explore all others issues she's facing first. She said her goal was to create a "safe space" for my daughter to talk about anything. We'll see. Also, not sure if I can see any private forums or not? I don't think I can as everything seems to be under public umbrella? Thanks for reading...Concerned Parent!