30-Jul-2019, 01:41 PM
(30-Jul-2019, 01:03 PM)JM_211 Wrote: Hello everyone.
As a mother, reading through all these posts makes me feel that I am not alone. My daughter is 16 and now that I think back since she was in middle school "came out as PAN" to us. She is saying and doing all the same things I am currently reading from other parents, things like: not being happy in her body, cut her hair short, telling us to use the right pronouns, wearing baggy clothing, binding her breasts, talking about starting hormones and eventually getting upper surgery etc. She has been through a lot since she and I moved here to America when she was only 5 and I feel that she is certainly confused about her gender and is at that painful age. It is certainly a very trying time for her and us (parents including step-dad), but I think that the culture of the internet is indeed a big factor for her current situation.
I hope to learn more here for the sake my daughter. I love her very much. There are times that it is so hard to do and so hard to understand her.
I have not started any sort of psychotherapy for her although she wants it. She believes that it will cure her of everything. I might be open now to it because I feel that I need more help.
Hi JM-211, welcome to the forum. Your story sounds very familiar, your daughter sounds very much like many of the stories on this board. You are definitely not alone.
Your account has been activated, so please join us in the members-only area.
It seems many teens and tweens are turning to a transgender identity as a means of coping with anxiety, trauma, stress, social troubles, sexual assault or harassment, impending adulthood, OCD, ADHD, homosexuality, distasteful sex stereotypes, black-and-white thinking (autism) and a host of other challenges. Like your daughter, they often believe transitioning will cure them of all their troubles. This is obviously very oversimplified, short-sighted thinking, not surprising for a teen but incredibly surprising and troubling that a trained adult psychotherapist would agree with a child that transition is the answer to a child's troubles.
For you and for anyone else reading who might not yet be a member, be very wary of gender counselors or gender specialists, as they typically do zero digging to determine what is going on with a kid or teen who says they are trans. Instead, gender counselors typically take the child at their word and recommend immediate social transition followed quickly by medical transition. Many general therapists take this approach as well, but gender specialists are almost guaranteed to. Interview/vet psychotherapists carefully before your daughter meets with them, to find one who is willing to dig into her troubles and thoughts and feelings before putting any sort of trans label on her. It is very difficult to find such a therapist but you might just get lucky.
