06-Apr-2019, 10:49 PM
Sadly, I'm a new member of the club. My 20 year old son came from college over spring break a few weeks ago and told us he is transgender and wants to start hormone treatments. I've seen the term "out of the blue" used in describing rapid onset gender dysphoria, but to me it feels like it came from outer space. He has never shown any female tendencies. Growing up he was your typical boy. He never had an opinion on how he dressed until he was in junior high and then all he wanted to wear was t-shirts of rock bands, flannel shirts and blue jeans. This is still how he dresses. He has even had any female friends. He has always just hung out with the guys. I have to twist my brain into a pretzel in order to find anything that might suggest he is transgender. The only thing I can come up is...well, he never really liked sports. That's it. He says he isn't gay and wants to keep genitals. This whole thing makes zero sense, and my husband and I and we are naturally are extremely distraught.
When I question him and bring up these points, he says I'm a bigot. I'm not a bigot and I believe in equal rights for everyone. I'm actually very liberal, and I'm very active in the local democratic party. But what I truly am is just heartbroken. He is a gifted child with very high IQ and has so much potential. I'm scared he is going to ruin his life...He will be victim of hate crimes, he will be employable, he will be ostracized and live his life on the fringe of society, etc. And because he is 20 and a legal adult I only have so much control. He has agreed to seek counseling but hasn't contacted a therapist yet. However, I've read so many stories about how therapist tend to fast track people who claim gender dysphoria these days. This worries me. He is smart enough to have done is homework to answer the questions "correctly". He has always suffered from OCD and my husband and I strongly suspect that he has latched onto this idea of being transgender and it has become his new obsession.
Any suggestions on dealing with this without alienating him would be great.
When I question him and bring up these points, he says I'm a bigot. I'm not a bigot and I believe in equal rights for everyone. I'm actually very liberal, and I'm very active in the local democratic party. But what I truly am is just heartbroken. He is a gifted child with very high IQ and has so much potential. I'm scared he is going to ruin his life...He will be victim of hate crimes, he will be employable, he will be ostracized and live his life on the fringe of society, etc. And because he is 20 and a legal adult I only have so much control. He has agreed to seek counseling but hasn't contacted a therapist yet. However, I've read so many stories about how therapist tend to fast track people who claim gender dysphoria these days. This worries me. He is smart enough to have done is homework to answer the questions "correctly". He has always suffered from OCD and my husband and I strongly suspect that he has latched onto this idea of being transgender and it has become his new obsession.
Any suggestions on dealing with this without alienating him would be great.