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About the Gender Critical Support Board
#21
I’m in the same situation as most of you. My daughter is very smart, has never really fit in, always related to adults more than kids her age. Got into the My Little Pony crzy around 11yrs constantly in instragram with tons of followers and “friends” aka prople she didn’t know. Then hot into anime and manga. I found out that these stories have many characters who are non-conforming. Disturbing for someone age 12-13. The a friend announced she was trans. The next thing I know my daughter is trans and so are several of her friends. She is in a group of misfits. I don’t really know any of the parents. And don’t feel comfortable reaching out to any. She’s now 16 and really pushing the issue. At Highschool the teachers use male pronouns and her chosen name. (Ironic that her given name could be male or female but she had to change her name). 2 friends have desisted. But she won’t tell me anything about it and says i will use that against her. She’s been on anxiety meds and adhd meds for yrs. under a pyschotrist care and sees a physchologist weekly. But i swear they know nothing about ROGD. So frustrating! Many sleepless nights. She has also had suicidal thoughts. Went to out patient care for 2 months (after school). Praying for answers.
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#22
(20-Oct-2017, 12:43 AM)natsblog30 Wrote: This is so valuable when there are so few resources for parents grappling with these issues, so much that is written in the media and online takes such a completely non-critical look at these issues and we need more thorough questioning of the principles behind this great rush towards transgenderism.  My daughter is nearly 16 and for the last 2 years has gone from being a happy girl to being so depressed and consumed with adopting a male identity, after being strongly influenced by school friends and stuff she watched on the internet.  She is convinced she hates her girl body and is really a boy however she has never been so unhappy and confused and I watch on with huge anxiety hoping she will reconcile with who she really is and get back to being her happy self again.  I know how I felt myself, growing up and feeling uncomfortable with my adolescent body and shy and awkward. She is very sensitive and has been very much the same as I was approaching puberty, but the difference now is that young girls can ask google "why do I hate my breasts and my girl body?"  and the answer comes back very swiftly and surely  "because you have gender dysphoria and you will never be happy being a girl! you are really a boy in a girls body!  Embrace the real you!  Tell your parents to call you male pronouns and if they refuse tell them you are at risk of suicide if they don't support you!!!".  Girls aren't getting the chance to slowly grow into their new bodies and gradually find their identity as a young woman who can doing anything a boy can do!  My daughter has always been very feminine and confident but now she is so anxious living under a cloud of uncertainty about her future.  She is binding her breasts and wearing boys clothes and doesn't want to go out anymore, she just wants to be on the internet and assume her male identity online.  My beautiful girl has been brainwashed and I am gently trying to entice her off the internet and shower her with love and patience so she keeps trusting in my instincts and gives herself a chance at being a girl.  
It makes me so sad to see the trend amongst young women to join the transgender cult and its definitely a huge blow for feminism.   The medical world is being swept along before proper research has been done to determine the far reaching consequences of the hormone treatments on physical and mental health.  Mutilating surgeryies are being done and its some sort of crazy social experiment that only us in the 1st world areas can afford to indulge in.

 Wow I could've wrote this to myself about my own daughter.
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#23
Hello, I am new to this site, and new to the concept  ROGD, a term that I just learned this week. It describes what has happened to my daughter perfectly..
Our daughter announced herself as Trans at 15/16. She said she didn't want to take hormones, didn't want to be a boy but didn't want to be a girl either. Then it became more pronounced. She tried her hardest to look like a boy, became very argumentative and depressed. Changed her name the day she went to college and now wants to take hormones. She says she can't believe we aren't supportive. She is almost 20, but also extremely young and sheltered. At first we tried to find a therapist and they all supported her without questioning. It seemed so irresponsible...  We found a psychiatrist who began treating her symptoms of depression and anxiety, and she recommended we stop talking with our daughter about any of this and to placate her and use the they pronoun, etc. This eased tensions but it reinforced her beliefs. Now she feels fully certain she wants to be male, (although she still says she wants to look male, but not be male. She says its the secondary sexual characteristics that make her upset... of being a female. I think she wants to stay young... and androgynous, but she wants a beard?) She says her friends at college are supportive and that is why she wants to make the transition now. She says if she doesn't do it now she worries she never will. Are we too late?
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#24
Hi, Everyone. So grateful for all of you right now. Thank you ahead of time for reading this.

Our story is the same. Beautiful, gifted, 14yo daughter, who I will call, "A," came out before the holidays as non-binary (some days feels like a girl, others a boy) and then a couple of weeks later, said she was a boy. At first, thinking it was a phase, I was really supportive and asked her how I can help her. She wanted to cut off her waist-length hair to an undercut, wear boy's clothing, and change her name to a boy's name. I had discussions like, "Your sisters and I are not very girlie, so perhaps you are just trying to shed your ultra-female image," and "There are a lot of ways to be a girl and not conform to stereotypes," etc. etc. etc. She would just cry, and say, "No, I don't FEEL like a boy, I AM a boy." It was all like a punch in the stomach, but I knew it was a delicate situation. Her dad was thinking we should NOT affirm any of it. I was torn completely. I understood behavioral options as that is literally what I do for a living working with kids on the autism spectrum (one of my daughters is also on the spectrum). 

We saw a VERY GENDER-AFFIRMING therapist and she suggested a psychotherapy group that works with LGTBQ kids and, being a strong ally (my oldest daughter is bisexual), had a gut feeling A would not identify with this group, but considered it as a source of help if she needed it, or a way for her to realize she doesn't fit in and help her grow that awareness. Her dad, also an ally, agreed, but did NOT consider it. One therapist we worked with said, "Social contagion---Several years ago it was cutting, then it was suicide, now it's transgender." I completely agreed, but the question was, "How do I help her?"

A few other facts: 

A is the youngest of three girls. All three gifted, one with Aspergers. Oldest is very strong-willed but struggled with body image issues (overweight) and had a rough tween/teen period of rebellion and was "Emo" and cutting. However, by sophomore year, had completely changed back to her beautiful and confident self. She now considers that culture like a CULT she got wrapped up in because she had trouble fitting in to other peer groups and finds it hard to talk about. A has always idealized and "worshipped" her oldest sister, for better or for worse, lol. When oldest sister moved away to college two years ago, A seemed very lost without her and missed her. Older sister thinks A is going through a very similar situation as she did at that age. 

A has changed schools and names several times and has had trouble finding a peer group. She was at an elementary school and had an emotionally abusive teacher in 4th grade, and there was a mass exodus of kids in that grade to other schools because the school district wouldn't fire the abusive teacher. I moved A to another school and she asked to change to her full name instead of her shortened nickname she had always gone by. When she went to middle school, she applied to get into a special school for gifted (that her oldest sister HAD gotten into) and did not get in. This was a huge blow to her self-esteem. She went to the neighborhood middle school and was so depressed and anxious, she asked if she could go somewhere else the next year. After much consideration, she ended up at a private school on a college campus. THIS is where she met the friend group who has LGTBQ kids. ONE OF THEM COMMITTED SUICIDE - His parents had forced him into conversion therapy at his church and he hung himself in his bedroom Sad. This profoundly impacted by daughter, of course, and also scared the heck out of me because my daughter has been struggling and there are so many stories of suicide in the media.

Another thing that I think is important---She has said, "Boys are cat-calling me and making lewd comments about my breasts and ass." AND, the #MeToo movement, which escalated last year prior to her coming out, scared her about boys and men. 

One more point: She was using my computer a lot to get on tumblr and I happened to see she had created multiple accounts, each one a completely different persona (girl, bisexual; boy, gay; etc.) and they all communicated with each other and created a story about coming out. She was "shipping" characters from movies like Harry Potter, meaning saying two boys were a gay couple, for example. A lot of them were very creative, but also had sexist comments about women. The sexist comments REALLY bothered me. I got a Disney Circle for my house and blocked social media for her phone and laptop, and changed the password on my computer so she can't use it.

ALL of these variables are very important and I feel led to her decision to make this change. Right now, she digs her heels in about being a boy, but we are NOT affirming the name and pronouns. However, she wants to start yet another school in the fall so she can go as 100% a boy. We have forbidden her use of BOYS BATHROOMS. She tried using one at a theme park and it completely freaked her out and she went into the girls restroom the rest of the day.

If the trans community is like a cult, perhaps we look into research on how to help kids out of cults to inform how to deal with this??? One thing that helped my oldest was I pulled her out of school for the last half of 8th grade when the suicide ideations were occurring, took her phone, laptop, all devices, and just spent time with her on getting her through her school work, horseback riding (her passion), and completely isolated her from all influences. I considered it a "hard reset" on her life. Then, over the summer, she went to a 7-week camp that didn't allow devices. All of this WORKED. She stopped all of the behaviors and started back on the path to being herself again.

Thank you, again!
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#25
First of all I want to welcome Ariadne, whose post somehow slipped under my radar. Your membership is activated; I hope you'll venture into our members-only forum. It becomes difficult when our kids who are no longer minors are taken in by the trans trend. I'm glad she has a psychiatrist who wants to treat her other problems. This can sometimes help resolve dysphoria. Does your daughter live with you? If so, you may have more leverage to slow down her transition. You can say "no transition medical treatments under my roof or on my insurance or while I'm paying for college," etc.

I hope you'll visit the members-only forum and continue this conversation. You'll receive lots of ideas and support from parents in your same situation.

Now to mom1977, welcome. Your membership has also been activated. Because your post contains quite a bit of personal information, would you like me to move it into the members-only section of the forum? I think you'll find the members here very helpful, and with your background in working with kids on the autism spectrum.

Can you get your daughter, this summer, into a situation similar to what you did with your older daughter, when she underwent a "hard reset?" I realize it may be too late, but if you called around maybe there is wilderness program or camp with an opening?
Mom; D-19
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#26
I have had enough, been hospitalised twice in the last month, facing eviction from my safe haven from the person that was my son who tried to kill me last year for not "playing the game".  Please can this nightmare come to an end before I am six feet under, thank you
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#27
Hi exhausted, I'm so sorry to hear about what a tough time you're going through! Your account has been activated if you'd like to visit the members-only forum to compare notes, tell your story, ask for advice, or just plain vent. Welcome.
Mom; D-19
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#28
(07-Jul-2018, 10:00 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote: Hi exhausted, I'm so sorry to hear about what a tough time you're going through! Your account has been activated if you'd like to visit the members-only forum to compare notes, tell your story, ask for advice, or just plain vent.  Welcome.

I do not even have the energy to vent but thank you for the offer and for the welcome
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#29
(10-Jun-2018, 04:38 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote: First of all I want to welcome Ariadne, whose post somehow slipped under my radar. Your membership is activated; I hope you'll venture into our members-only forum. It becomes difficult when our kids who are no longer minors are taken in by the trans trend. I'm glad she has a psychiatrist who wants to treat her other problems. This can sometimes help resolve dysphoria. Does your daughter live with you? If so, you may have more leverage to slow down her transition. You can say "no transition medical treatments under my roof or on my insurance or while I'm paying for college," etc.

I hope you'll visit the members-only forum and continue this conversation. You'll receive lots of ideas and support from parents in your same situation.

Now to mom1977, welcome. Your membership has also been activated. Because your post contains quite a bit of personal information, would you like me to move it into the members-only section of the forum? I think you'll find the members here very helpful, and with your background in working with kids on the autism spectrum.

Can you get your daughter, this summer, into a situation similar to what you did with your older daughter, when she underwent a "hard reset?" I realize it may be too late, but if you called around maybe there is wilderness program or camp with an opening?
Yes, I actually sent her to visit older sister in her college city and they are having "Sister Camp" all summer. SHE IS DESISTING RAPIDLY! She said she realizes there are things going on with her--especially feeling abandoned by her sister when she went to college (which is when all of this started!). There are absolutely psychological reasons for the need for an identity change. I will post on the desisting thread about this because I have a lot of info that might help.
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