About the Gender Critical Support Board

[Mom2boys]

Hello everyone,

My child is a grown adult. He has always been a very sensitive and caring young man. He adopted feminism with his wife, which I supported as I have always been a feminist. They moved to another province far enough away that any access I have is very limited. I honestly see that my son has been some form of brainwashed. He was not a gender non conforming boy, sailed through the teen years, was well liked, had a few tragic romances and finally married. His wife is extremely supportive of his transition as a non-binary male. He's wearing dresses and makeup, which truly, I don't care about. I've been asked to use his new name and to use his gender neutral pronouns. He has become something of a rabid trans activist and here I am, someone who he would call a "terf". I love him, I worry terribly for him, he's taking hormones, not to become transgender but because he says it helps with his depression and suicidal thoughts. These are new and came with the non binary stuff. He may disagree but I see that clearly. How I support him is not something I have a choice in. If I want a relationship I have to 'respect' his new name and his pronouns. I am doing so. I don't want to lose the possibility of building a bridge back.

[Sharon Lee]

Hi everybody -- I just joined today and am so happy I found you. But I'm not sure how this works. Is what I write here appearing in public? Should I change my username to a less identifying pseudonym?

[Seeker]

Hi everybody -- I just joined today and am so happy I found you. But I'm not sure how this works. Is what I write here appearing in public? Should I change my username to a less identifying pseudonym?

Welcome and YES.

Do NOT use your real name or anything close.

There is no way to totally keep out people with bad intentions.

Registrants and posts are screened--but even among friendly, like-minded people, it is better to not reveal your identity to all.

[BelleMom]

Newbie...
Just joined today. My soon to be 18 year old daughter announced that she is trans last night. We've had hints recently that this was coming but this was still difficult to process. She has never given any indication that wasn't happy as a girl. In doing some research last night tho I've found some interesting things; she is extremely bright, which it seems is a frequent trait. She has experienced loss within the past year, her best friend suddenly had a new best friend and she was left floundering socially. She has started hanging out with some new kids and seems happy but I know the loss was difficult. Also, she had a huge crush on a boy in her class. They had an on again, off again relationship that I think was more just friendship for him. I think he's moved on to someone else. It actually seems as tho she's trying to be like him with her new style. She has the same hair, similar glasses, clothing style, etc. Prior to this boy she's had a few boyfriends and more recently a girlfriend. We are extremely liberal (a lesbian couple together for over 25 years) and have tried to be supportive all the way around. Anyway, what I found seems to indicate kids are more likely to feel gender dysphoria if they are smart or gifted, have experienced loss, are stressed or shown signs of depression. Our daughter exhibits all of these characteristics. If she is genuinely trans and in the wrong body we can accept that. We just want to make sure this is not a reaction to other issues in her life. She does spend a lot of time staring at her phone. I believe in privacy so I have not snooped to see what she's looking at. Doing my own research tho I discovered several videos and discussion of kids celebrating transition as the cure all to unhappiness. I am planning to have another discussion with her today about taking a step back and slowing things down. Asking her if it could possibly be a reaction to things going on in her life. We also would like to set limits on social media time and try to come up with other options for down time. I'm sure that much of this will go over like a lead balloon but I feel the need to try. We want her college experience (next fall) to be great and are very concerned that starting off as trans will pigeonhole her into a lifestyle without experiencing other options. We live in a small town which can be very limiting. I think once she gets to college and experiences the variety of people she may choose a different path. Just not sure how to get her to consider other options. Ugh! Sorry for the rambling message. It's impossible to describe the situation in a few paragraphs. There are so many variables to consider. Any advice would be appreciated on how to slow things down without driving her away. Thanks for listening!

[Kellogmom]

Welcome, I am sorry that you have had to find us, you are lucky to have this resource at the beginning of your journey I wasn’t as lucky a year ago when I was unceremoniously added to the passenger list of the current transgender train wreck. It’s going to be a a bumpy ride for you all so make sure you buckle up. My best wishes for you, and your family. If I remember right you can find us parents in the bar car!

[Seeker]

Welcome...and sorry that you share our issue.

But it sounds like you have already gotten good information, and there is a great deal of helpful info AND support on this forum.

You identified some of the key factors in susceptibility to trans ideology -- Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) seems to snare bright girls/young women with social issues, as well as mental health issues such as ADHD/Asperger's/Borderline/depression.

4th Wave Now has great info about this, too. In case you haven't seen this: https://4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender...one-thing/

The college issue is tricky, because almost all of them are overtaken by the trans ideology. Some families are not sending their kids to college for this reason.

Since your daughter has only recently IDed as trans, you have the chance to work with her. If she is the kind of person who will talk, communicate, and consider, that makes a big difference.

It seems that many of our Ds are not willing/able to discuss these issues.

There are many parents here who can help with more specific recommendations.

I wish you the very best.

[Just Another Mom]

Welcome Bellemom,

I am sorry for the reason that you here.
Yes, to what the others have said.

Consider reading some of Lisa Marchiano's articles:
http://quillette.com/2017/10/06/misunder...dysphoria/

I think it is safe to say that none of our children would have arrived at a trans identity--if not for social influences on the internet. Many also have peers doing the same thing in their friend group at school.
There are many You-Tubers, stuff on Tumblr, chat rooms, etc. Here is one basic example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwwIoyiMpnY

You could lose your daughter due to her screen influences. She is 18, so I don't know what you can do at this point. Turn off the WiFi to your house?

Honestly, do you think your daughter was born in the wrong body?
Was she calling herself a himself at a young age?

I hope you can get some good advice and counseling for your daughter.
Be very cautious about college.

Best to you and your family--

[Beth123]

Oh gosh I am hoping for some link to others. My daughter is nearly 17 and for the past 6 months has been saying she has gender dysphoria. She’s cut her waist length hair, started wearing baggy clothes and binding her chest. She has changed her name at college to her chosen male name without discussion. Two days ago I received a telephone call from a boys parent telling me that my daughter had been chatting to her son and that she was in crisis. She had locked herself in the bathroom and was cutting herself and saying she wanted to end it all. She told us she was having a bath! Of course we reated as any loving parent would I stayed with her, we agreed a word she could text me if she felt that way again and I immediately took the next day off work and took her to the gp. She has a history of severe anxiety and has already had cbt so they have referred her back to Cahms. I don’t believe she’s trans I think she looking for a place to fit in and has discovered this in chat rooms. She openly admits that she saw something on you tube and thought it was like how she was feeling and searched through more and ended up in the chat rooms. I have said to her that I think society in the future will not identify people as male and female but rather the person and she should take her time and not rush it. Is it wrong of me to worry cahms will not look at the route cause of the issue but encourage her instead. She is very immature in so many ways I worry if she goes down this route it will not make her feel any better just exhasberate what is already there. I am not sleeping, constantly listening out that she is not causing harm or worse. I can’t concentrate at work as I know she is at home. It’s the holidays she and my son are at home together what if she does something and he’s in the house alone with her I’d never forgive myself! I feel utterly hopeless and just can’t see how this will end positively

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi Beth, and welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. Your story sounds all too familiar. Don't feel bad for fearing that medical personnel may facilitate your daughter's transition rather than work with her to figure out her feelings. This is a very real concern.

Your account is now approved if you would like to check out the members-only portion and meet other parents in your situation.

You are not alone.

[RapidOnsetMom]

Thx for posting. We are in the same boat. I’m at a loss. No research on this yet. Therapists know nothing about this flavor of transgender. Its so difficult. 

This is so valuable when there are so few resources for parents grappling with these issues, so much that is written in the media and online takes such a completely non-critical look at these issues and we need more thorough questioning of the principles behind this great rush towards transgenderism.  My daughter is nearly 16 and for the last 2 years has gone from being a happy girl to being so depressed and consumed with adopting a male identity, after being strongly influenced by school friends and stuff she watched on the internet.  She is convinced she hates her girl body and is really a boy however she has never been so unhappy and confused and I watch on with huge anxiety hoping she will reconcile with who she really is and get back to being her happy self again.  I know how I felt myself, growing up and feeling uncomfortable with my adolescent body and shy and awkward. She is very sensitive and has been very much the same as I was approaching puberty, but the difference now is that young girls can ask google "why do I hate my breasts and my girl body?"  and the answer comes back very swiftly and surely  "because you have gender dysphoria and you will never be happy being a girl! you are really a boy in a girls body!  Embrace the real you!  Tell your parents to call you male pronouns and if they refuse tell them you are at risk of suicide if they don't support you!!!".  Girls aren't getting the chance to slowly grow into their new bodies and gradually find their identity as a young woman who can doing anything a boy can do!  My daughter has always been very feminine and confident but now she is so anxious living under a cloud of uncertainty about her future.  She is binding her breasts and wearing boys clothes and doesn't want to go out anymore, she just wants to be on the internet and assume her male identity online.  My beautiful girl has been brainwashed and I am gently trying to entice her off the internet and shower her with love and patience so she keeps trusting in my instincts and gives herself a chance at being a girl.  
It makes me so sad to see the trend amongst young women to join the transgender cult and its definitely a huge blow for feminism.   The medical world is being swept along before proper research has been done to determine the far reaching consequences of the hormone treatments on physical and mental health.  Mutilating surgeryies are being done and its some sort of crazy social experiment that only us in the 1st world areas can afford to indulge in.