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My 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy. That she feels like a boy. I have had my suspicions and knew the time had come to confront them.  We had a long talk and I told her that although I love her, will always be right by her side, and empathize with the confusion and torment she may be feeling over this, that I don’t BLAME HER for her feelings, but that we (she and I), will not agree to accept that lifestyle. I feel like my world is falling apart and just want my little girl back. I feel so alone and ashamed and I blame myself. I created her! I can’t stop crying. I did not share these feelings with her. Except that I blame myself. I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her until I figure out what to do. I realize that in my situation, immediate and consistent action is going to have to be taken. I am glad I found this board and hope that I can get some insight from it. I am at the beginning of what I believe is going to be a difficult road for me and my girl. And I just want my baby back.
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Hi, Brookiema79, and welcome. Your account has been activated.

I'm sorry about what you and your daughter are dealing with. Please don't blame yourself. There is so much influence directed at kids these days, making them believe that becoming someone else is the answer to their feeling uncomfortable with the demands of growing up in today's world.

You'll find lots of advice in the members-only area, as well as parents who understand your fears and what you're dealing with.

Again, welcome.
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Hello everyone:

We are on day two of my daughter is exploring the idea of trying on boy for size. I do not mean that to downplay anything. She is exploring options. I want to put a lot of context below, and apologize in advance. I am the father

She has feminine mannerisms, and loves lighter brighter colors. A matter a fact we are going to paint a cubby area for her art projects in Pink (We do not push so all choices are hers). She is light hearted, and has more girl friends than boy friends. She broke up with a boy last year, and she cried and was very upset. This lasted days. Eventually they became friends again.
She likes to go outside, likes nature, and calls animal adorable. She started her period about a year ago, and believe it is uncomfortable, as is the changes that are going on inside.

A lot of her friends are part of LGBTQ community, and we support people that truly want to affect change. This is one sphere of influence we believe.
She wanted to cut her hair short (pixie cut), and she likes wearing comfy clothes. Sometimes girlish clothes other times boyish clothes.
While she is testing this out she wanted to call herself Alex. Her good friend is Alexa so there might be something there.

She is into drama, art, nature, and she has had interest in dance, horse back riding, and some sports like softball, Soccer and Field hockey.

She is on a board/group in the LGBTQ community through the school, and I am trying to find a way to see and understand if they are luring her in like a beam, or if it is open support.
She does watch different skits and shows on tmblr, insta, youtube, tick tock....

I had a very open conversation with her. I wanted to get as much information from her so we can try and understand, and a decent amount willingly came out. I believe she was being honest and sincere. She is exploring the idea of being called a boys name, short hair, and some boy clothes. Nothing else at this time. At one moment I broke down and cried, and she started crying as well. Not sure what that means. I told her that I was not angry, my tears were from a lack of understanding as we just found out, and am trying me best to understand. Multiple times she told me she is just trying it out to se how it makes her feel. She wasn't putting up any expectations, but currently that is where she is, and may change.

We did tell her that we would like her and the two older boys to get out more, and get off of the devices. I am not sure this is enough, or if we should take a harder stance or not. It's a sensitive topic, and we do not want her to be defensive. In the end of the day I want her to be the Happiest, and Heathiest version of herself. She said that she doesn't want to loose who she is today. Meaning, nice, caring, loving, sensitive etc... If I think of some potential outcomes I just don't see how someone would be able to go full transgender and keep who they are as a person. We are hoping this is a phase, but are deeply concerned for her future, and afraid she is being lured in by a culture swing more so than what is best for her, and will make her happy even if that is a compromise. She is very young and can be immature at times. Not sure if there is anything there.

On a side note my wife just got home, and they both went shopping. They were looking at a waste basket, and my daughter picked a light blue one with a flower on it.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Again the goal is to support her, but make sure she is the happiest healthiest version.
Reply
(16-Jun-2020, 07:00 PM)Parker005 Wrote: Hello everyone:

We are on day two of my daughter is exploring the idea of trying on boy for size. I do not mean that to downplay anything. She is exploring options. I want to put a lot of context below, and apologize in advance. I am the father

She has feminine mannerisms, and loves lighter brighter colors. A matter a fact we are going to paint a cubby area for her art projects in Pink (We do not push so all choices are hers). She is light hearted, and has more girl friends than boy friends. She broke up with a boy last year, and she cried and was very upset. This lasted days. Eventually they became friends again.
She likes to go outside, likes nature, and calls animal adorable. She started her period about a year ago, and believe it is uncomfortable, as is the changes that are going on inside.

A lot of her friends are part of LGBTQ community, and we support people that truly want to affect change. This is one sphere of influence we believe.
She wanted to cut her hair short (pixie cut), and she likes wearing comfy clothes. Sometimes girlish clothes other times boyish clothes.
While she is testing this out she wanted to call herself Alex. Her good friend is Alexa so there might be something there.

She is into drama, art, nature, and she has had interest in dance, horse back riding, and some sports like softball, Soccer and Field hockey.

She is on a board/group in the LGBTQ community through the school, and I am trying to find a way to see and understand if they are luring her in like a beam, or if it is open support.
She does watch different skits and shows on tmblr, insta, youtube, tick tock....

I had a very open conversation with her. I wanted to get as much information from her so we can try and understand, and a decent amount willingly came out. I believe she was being honest and sincere. She is exploring the idea of being called a boys name, short hair, and some boy clothes. Nothing else at this time. At one moment I broke down and cried, and she started crying as well. Not sure what that means. I told her that I was not angry, my tears were from a lack of understanding as we just found out, and am trying me best to understand. Multiple times she told me she is just trying it out to se how it makes her feel. She wasn't putting up any expectations, but currently that is where she is, and may change.

We did tell her that we would like her and the two older boys to get out more, and get off of the devices. I am not sure this is enough, or if we should take a harder stance or not. It's a sensitive topic, and we do not want her to be defensive. In the end of the day I want her to be the Happiest, and Heathiest version of herself. She said that she doesn't want to loose who she is today. Meaning, nice, caring, loving, sensitive etc... If I think of some potential outcomes I just don't see how someone would be able to go full transgender and keep who they are as a person. We are hoping this is a phase, but are deeply concerned for her future, and afraid she is being lured in by a culture swing more so than what is best for her, and will make her happy even if that is a compromise. She is very young and can be immature at times. Not sure if there is anything there.

On a side note my wife just got home, and they both went shopping. They were looking at a waste basket, and my daughter picked a light blue one with a flower on it.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Again the goal is to support her, but make sure she is the happiest healthiest version.
Hi Parker005

So sorry you have ended up here but welcome.  You didn’t say how old your daughter is.  I’m not sure if you have access to the other parts of the forum yet but if not you will soon once your account has been activated.

There are lots of different sections ie age related, parents of girls etc.

 I have a son going through it so not much help on the girl/daughter side of things.

I’m sure a parent of a daughter will see this & reply.  Only other thing is, once your account is activated, search & read as much as you can.

Take care x
Son 20, Asd, gifted, UK
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Thanks, JDMum, for welcoming Parker005.

Parker005, your account has been activated. Welcome to the forum.
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Joined up after my 11 yr old daughter dropped what I see is being termed "the form letter" on me announcing her intent. So began researching and glad I found this forum. I cannot believe this is such a huge thing! I figured it was a niche issue however it's hundreds if not thousands of kids.
I've always thought of myself as an ally of the LGBTG community, where I support Adults making these decisions wholeheartedly, or at least I did.
Looking into it, it seems there are very militant trans adults trolling youtube for kids like my daughter and taking active measures to bring them into the trans fold.
I'm afraid I'm closing in on being a fascist about social media with her just to keep these people away. Local police could care less unless there is an attempt to traffic or entice for sex, yet I see it as being groomed just like those things are.
Does anyone know if there are any legal resources to go after adults that are actively seeking pre-teen children to coax into this con?

(07-Jun-2020, 02:10 PM)Brookiema79 Wrote: My 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy. That she feels like a boy. I have had my suspicions and knew the time had come to confront them.  We had a long talk and I told her that although I love her, will always be right by her side, and empathize with the confusion and torment she may be feeling over this, that I don’t BLAME HER for her feelings, but that we (she and I), will not agree to accept that lifestyle. I feel like my world is falling apart and just want my little girl back. I feel so alone and ashamed and I blame myself. I created her! I can’t stop crying. I did not share these feelings with her. Except that I blame myself. I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her until I figure out what to do. I realize that in my situation, immediate and consistent action is going to have to be taken. I am glad I found this board and hope that I can get some insight from it. I am at the beginning of what I believe is going to be a difficult road for me and my girl. And I just want my baby back.
 
How are we all going through this?  It's insane!  These should be the years we're talking about normal teenage stuff, not them becoming another person as if they can just discard who they are and start over new, and it's PROMOTED by professionals and the media.  I really hope you can find a path forward with your daughter and she comes back to you.
Reply
(03-Aug-2020, 10:13 PM)dharma blade Wrote: Joined up after my 11 yr old daughter dropped what I see is being termed "the form letter" on me announcing her intent. So began researching and glad I found this forum. I cannot believe this is such a huge thing!  I figured it was a niche issue however it's hundreds if not thousands of kids. 
I've always thought of myself as an ally of the LGBTG community, where I support Adults making these decisions wholeheartedly, or at least I did.
Looking into it, it seems there are very militant trans adults trolling youtube for kids like my daughter and taking active measures to bring them into the trans fold. 
I'm afraid I'm closing in on being a fascist about social media with her just to keep these people away.  Local police could care less unless there is an attempt to traffic or entice for sex, yet I see it as being groomed just like those things are. 
Does anyone know if there are any legal resources to go after adults that are actively seeking pre-teen children to coax into this con?

(07-Jun-2020, 02:10 PM)Brookiema79 Wrote: My 13 year old daughter told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy. That she feels like a boy. I have had my suspicions and knew the time had come to confront them.  We had a long talk and I told her that although I love her, will always be right by her side, and empathize with the confusion and torment she may be feeling over this, that I don’t BLAME HER for her feelings, but that we (she and I), will not agree to accept that lifestyle. I feel like my world is falling apart and just want my little girl back. I feel so alone and ashamed and I blame myself. I created her! I can’t stop crying. I did not share these feelings with her. Except that I blame myself. I am trying to put on a brave face in front of her until I figure out what to do. I realize that in my situation, immediate and consistent action is going to have to be taken. I am glad I found this board and hope that I can get some insight from it. I am at the beginning of what I believe is going to be a difficult road for me and my girl. And I just want my baby back.
 
How are we all going through this?  It's insane!  These should be the years we're talking about normal teenage stuff, not them becoming another person as if they can just discard who they are and start over new, and it's PROMOTED by professionals and the media.  I really hope you can find a path forward with your daughter and she comes back to you.

Hi dharma blade, and welcome. Your account has been activated.

You ask some great questions and raise some great points. I encourage you to take your questions and observations to our members-only forum, as this part of the forum does not receive much traffic from our members.

I'm sorry to hear of yet another 11-year-old getting swept up in this. The good news is that she has more than 6 years to go before she is a legal adult. Time is on your side. Yet, of course this doesn't mean there is no need to worry. 

Welcome to the forum; I hope you'll find the information and fellowship here helpful.
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signed up but unsure how to access the members section?

By way of introduction, our 16 y/o daughter revealed to me 2 weeks ago that she has been identifying as trans for a year, completely unbeknownst to me. We have been completely blindsided by this revelation and are left to wonder how we could have missed it...She's a very intelligent girl and good student, but has struggled with some anxiety and mild depression. There have been no indications in dress, interests or anything typically associated with maleness whatsoever - almost to the contrary. A few weeks worth of frantic research have brought to light for us this terrifying new trend in young teenage girls and has led us here seeking answers, information and support. We desperately love our child and are terrified of losing her and of her making decisions that could drastically impact the rest of her life. feeling utterly broken
Reply
(13-Sep-2020, 03:36 AM)MikeD Wrote: signed up but unsure how to access the members section?

By way of introduction, our 16 y/o daughter revealed to me 2 weeks ago that she has been identifying as trans for a year, completely unbeknownst to me. We have been completely blindsided by this revelation and are left to wonder how we could have missed it...She's a very intelligent girl and good student, but has struggled with some anxiety and mild depression. There have been no indications in dress, interests or anything typically associated with maleness whatsoever - almost to the contrary. A few weeks worth of frantic research have brought to light for us this terrifying new trend in young teenage girls and has led us here seeking answers, information and support. We desperately love our child and are terrified of losing her and of her making decisions that could drastically impact the rest of her life. feeling utterly broken

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about what you're dealing with.

Sorry for the delay in activating your membership; all memberships must be manually activated by a moderator and sometimes it takes us a bit to get to them. Your membership is now activated.

I hope you will find the forum useful.
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Hi Libby, I too am the parent of an adult and distressed by what he had chosen.

I'm the father of a 23-year old son who has been getting estrogen in the process of transitioning.  I am new to this site, and am so thankful to have found it.  My wife and I fortunately have the same view of what he is doing to himself -- concern about the harms he is doing to his body, and about the neglect of the real identity issues that he needs to be exploring, and convinced that the ideology that allows such treatments is dangerous and untrue.  Thank God we can talk to each other. 

But it seems there is no one else we can speak with, that the medical profession and psychological counselors have all subscribed to and celebrate that ideology.  I would talk to my son about it if I could.  But although he lives with us he minimally interacts with us, can be quite curt, and on this subject will speak not at all.  I have prayed he will come to see the truth about what he is doing and tried to share articles that will help him to do that.  Other than that it seems all we can do is of all things the most important, which is to love him.  But is it the only thing?

He works, but is on my health insurance and so in a sense it is my work that goes to support this destructive process that I utterly oppose.  I want to do something! Is there a way to keep the doctors from continuing to do this to him, keep the insurance from paying them?  Has anyone, for example, heard of legal actions to do this? I know he is in the eyes of the law an adult who makes his own medical decisions, but he has not fully developed an adult mind.  Nor do I think he has been honestly counseled.  Is there anything that I can do?  I feel as though I am watching, and even enabling, a great crime, crime against him, that I would do anything to stop.
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