03-Jul-2023, 11:38 PM
(02-Jul-2023, 06:23 PM)Guest Wrote: Hi,
I'm not quite sure if I'm posting in the right place, Apologies in incorrect.
We have a 13 year old daughter who has been questioning her gender. She is currently saying she is a demi boy. She never expressed any preference toward boyish clothes, toys etc as a child despite having a brother of similar age who had boys toys and dress up around she always was very girly. She had a group of girl friends who were very close, in year 6 she was given a phone and she got in to anime as did her friends. She spent all her time on her phone if she could and she became quiet and withdrawn, locking herself in her room. I have since found out that one of the friends suggested she is trans. And they started talking about gender and sexuality.
In senior school she has slowly lost all of her good friends and become friends with the LGBTQ group. I found out that she had tried self harming and I then started secretly checking her messages, she was in a group with all the LGBTQ kids one of which was sending her messages re self harm, this child is a trans girl who also gave my daughter presents like cuddly toys and a book that I found about transitioning. From checking her phone I found out she had a secret relationship with a boy who accepted her as a trans boy, he was sending coercive messages that had the intention of sex, calling her by her preferred name and pronouns. We found out about these messages and confronted her and explained what was happening to her. The police and school were involved in this. We took her phone away for a few weeks and took the lock off her door. We actively involved her in the family and attempted to get our daughter back. She reintroduced to school gradually and the boyfriend kept away. She was referred to councilling and I looked in to councilling, but I don't trust that these councillors are going to give a balanced view as they fear being labelled transphobic themselves so I decided to deal with this as a family.
Over the past 6 months we have set strict limits on phone access, no WhatsApp or socials etc, this has helped and she's not secluded in her room. She is still involved with the lgbtq kids though and this weekend she told me after my questioning her that she feels like a demi boy. She is wearing quite androgynous clothes and after months of asking I let her cut her hair shorter but we compromised to have it as a bob not the shaggy style she wanted.
I truly believe that during the early stages of puberty she was feeling different, she watched things she wasn't emotionally ready for and someone sewed a seed in her mind that made her think this could be the answer. I also think she could be dysbraxic or on the spectrum so she is quite socially awkward, this was an answer for her and she was accepted by these new children who reinforced her ideas. We've asked her if she wants to do physical changes and she's said I don't know yet.
We are absolutely broken by this, it's so hard to know where this is going and what she is intending on doing. We've told her our views and said that no physical changes can happen until she's 18, even then I don't know that I could accept it. I truly think this is brainwashing of vulnerable young girls.
Please help, what can I do? I am desperate for a way forward, its affecting my mental health and all the family.
So many similar stories. My daughter is 14 and you are welcome to read my posts so far to see where I'm at. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. The mental anguish is so hard sometimes. I agree that it seems vulnerable girls find kids who pull them in this direction and maybe for the first time feel accepted socially.
I have not been able to disconnect my daughter from social media and the internet, but I have been focusing on getting her involved in more activities outside the home and also just spending more time inviting her to do anything and everything with me. I don't know where we will end up, but I'm hoping she can build up her self esteem so that as she matures, she won't feel the need for the persona she seems to have created.
Your daughter and my daughter are still pretty young. I'm hoping we have time to help them find themselves as they grow up.
