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[quote pid='42729' dateline='1603174246']
Hi I also need my account to be actives. Thank you!
Does anyone know any connection between Buffy the Vampire Slayer or philosophy to gender dysphoria?
Thank you for anyone's help!
[/quote]

Hello, I believe you registered with the username "friend," is that correct? Your account has been activated and you should now have access to the members-only forums. Please post back if you're still not able to and I will see what I can do to help.

Welcome.
Reply
Hi
I too am waiting for my account to be activated. Like many of you, I feel lost, sad and very helpless. My 19 year old daughter has a chronic illness (Type I diabetes) that has made her put on weight and as a result, she has been mostly ostracized and left off the party lists through her high school years. I knew she wondered about her sexuality though every time a boy showed an interest in her, this seemed to be forgotten. Now she has moved on to the next phase, talking about surgery and testosterone. Like many of the posts I have seen on this site, she spent many hours on the net despite our attempts to restrict it, and it seems like the trans cult managed to get her hooked. We discuss things openly (so far) and we are trying to get her to postpone irreversible steps but it is very hard to enlist help from objective professionals. I am all for tolerance (being a minority myself) but we seem to have lost the ability to question anything for fear of being called a bigot or a hater. In trying to celebrate diversity, our children are being pigeon-holed and labelled even further.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this but what I'd really like is to find out if there is a subgroup for parents or even young adults/teens that have been affected by a chronic illness like diabetes. Any advice would be welcome- we don't want to lose our daughter to what I see as a recruitment movement.
Reply
(20-Oct-2020, 10:25 PM)adogslife Wrote: Hi
I too am waiting for my account to be activated. Like many of you, I feel lost, sad and very helpless. My 19 year old daughter has a chronic illness (Type I diabetes) that has made her put on weight and as a result, she has been mostly ostracized and left off the party lists through her high school years. I knew she wondered about her sexuality though every time a boy showed an interest in her, this seemed to be forgotten. Now she has moved on to the next phase, talking about surgery and testosterone. Like many of the posts I have seen on this site, she spent many hours on the net despite our attempts to restrict it, and it seems like the trans cult managed to get her hooked. We discuss things openly (so far) and we are trying to get her to postpone irreversible steps but it is very hard to enlist help from objective professionals. I am all for tolerance (being a minority myself) but we seem to have lost the ability to question anything for fear of being called a bigot or a hater. In trying to celebrate diversity, our children are being pigeon-holed and labelled even further.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this but what I'd really like is to find out if there is a subgroup for parents or even young adults/teens that have been affected by a chronic illness like diabetes. Any advice would be welcome- we don't want to lose our daughter to what I see as a recruitment movement.

Hello, adogslife, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. Before undergoing medical treatment, I hope she will consider how testosterone can effect her health in light of her diabetes. Testosterone being taken by a female with diabetes sounds ripe for complications, although I'll admit I don't know much about it.

Your account has been activated.
Reply
(09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults.  My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male).  I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope.  I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female.  I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely.  I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first.  I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male.  I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters.  Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome.  Thank you.
Hi Libby, do not feel badly about calling your daughter just exactly what she is, a "she."  You have every right to not suspend disbelief and believe your lying eyes. No matter how much medical intervention is thrown at the problem, a female will always be female down to her skeletal structure.  It's a matter of simple biology and nothing can change that.  My beautiful daughter was brainwashed in college and therefore not under my husband's and my direct supervision to try and intervene.  On a visit home her senior year she demanded we support her as a him; it was more of a manifesto/ultimatum.  We were completely unprepared as she'd never hinted at this before, and we encouraged waiting. She responded to our hesitation by being outraged we were not fully supportive, and spouted all the talking points given to her by her trans supporters, including that emotional blackmail trick of suicide.  She then defriended us on Facebook and didn't speak with us for nearly 2 years.  We had to rely on friends and relatives to tell us what she was up to. After we lost our home in the Woosley Fire here in CA in Nov 18, our relationship was reestablished-- but only under the condition that we accept her as "him."  Then without our knowing it came "T", followed by top surgery, followed by egg freezing, followed just recently by a hysterectomy. My beautiful daughter is now poisoned, mutilated and sterile, with a deep voice and beard, and I'm just supposed to say how wonderful, I'm so happy for you!?  
I've just finished reading a book by Abigail Shrier called "Irreversible Damage," and I recommend it to you.  It will anger you at how helpless we parents are and what we're up against.  You will learn how powerful the trans movement is, both online and in our community, and how corrupt the medical and psychological community has become. (Know thy enemy!)  Here's how it works:  kids diagnose themselves through brainwashing by a powerful trans activist community who prey on especially vulnerable young girls.  These kids are then directed to an activist psych who affirms their diagnosis instead of properly treating them for what's obviously gender dysphoria and who also then helps them access all the medical resources they need to transition. Finally, activist doctors violate their Hippocratic Oath by performing radical double mastectomies and hysterectomies on perfectly healthy young girls.  The worst part of what's driving all of this:  thanks to ObamaCare, all of these services and drugs are enshrined in every insurance program now due to equality laws, so the expensive hormones and surgeries are completely free (or nearly so) to the kids.  And, thanks to patient protections, parents cannot know what's going on, even if the child is underage. You might even get social services knocking on your door if your child is underage and you dissent.  (Really wish I were kidding about that.) 
I'm not transphobic or homophobic and resent this labeling.  It's the trans activist community's way of saying "if you're not 100% with us then you're against us!"  I am grateful for this website, as it seems like I'm the only parent out there pulling the fire alarm on this mess!  If your daughter has not transitioned yet, even as she's in her mid-20's, you are still the parent.  Provide the guardrails she so desperately needs and get her to a psych who still has morals.  She will thank you in the future, I promise!
Reply
(21-Oct-2020, 09:50 PM)pvgirl Wrote:
(09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults.  My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male).  I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope.  I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female.  I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely.  I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first.  I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male.  I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters.  Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome.  Thank you.
Hi Libby, do not feel badly about calling your daughter just exactly what she is, a "she."  You have every right to not suspend disbelief and believe your lying eyes. No matter how much medical intervention is thrown at the problem, a female will always be female down to her skeletal structure.  It's a matter of simple biology and nothing can change that.  My beautiful daughter was brainwashed in college and therefore not under my husband's and my direct supervision to try and intervene.  On a visit home her senior year she demanded we support her as a him; it was more of a manifesto/ultimatum.  We were completely unprepared as she'd never hinted at this before, and we encouraged waiting. She responded to our hesitation by being outraged we were not fully supportive, and spouted all the talking points given to her by her trans supporters, including that emotional blackmail trick of suicide.  She then defriended us on Facebook and didn't speak with us for nearly 2 years.  We had to rely on friends and relatives to tell us what she was up to. After we lost our home in the Woosley Fire here in CA in Nov 18, our relationship was reestablished-- but only under the condition that we accept her as "him."  Then without our knowing it came "T", followed by top surgery, followed by egg freezing, followed just recently by a hysterectomy. My beautiful daughter is now poisoned, mutilated and sterile, with a deep voice and beard, and I'm just supposed to say how wonderful, I'm so happy for you!?  
I've just finished reading a book by Abigail Shrier called "Irreversible Damage," and I recommend it to you.  It will anger you at how helpless we parents are and what we're up against.  You will learn how powerful the trans movement is, both online and in our community, and how corrupt the medical and psychological community has become. (Know thy enemy!)  Here's how it works:  kids diagnose themselves through brainwashing by a powerful trans activist community who prey on especially vulnerable young girls.  These kids are then directed to an activist psych who affirms their diagnosis instead of properly treating them for what's obviously gender dysphoria and who also then helps them access all the medical resources they need to transition. Finally, activist doctors violate their Hippocratic Oath by performing radical double mastectomies and hysterectomies on perfectly healthy young girls.  The worst part of what's driving all of this:  thanks to ObamaCare, all of these services and drugs are enshrined in every insurance program now due to equality laws, so the expensive hormones and surgeries are completely free (or nearly so) to the kids.  And, thanks to patient protections, parents cannot know what's going on, even if the child is underage. You might even get social services knocking on your door if your child is underage and you dissent.  (Really wish I were kidding about that.) 
I'm not transphobic or homophobic and resent this labeling.  It's the trans activist community's way of saying "if you're not 100% with us then you're against us!"  I am grateful for this website, as it seems like I'm the only parent out there pulling the fire alarm on this mess!  If your daughter has not transitioned yet, even as she's in her mid-20's, you are still the parent.  Provide the guardrails she so desperately needs and get her to a psych who still has morals.  She will thank you in the future, I promise!

Hi pvgirl,

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter getting caught up in these cult-like beliefs. Your account has been activated. I encourage you to take your discussion into our members-only forums where your posts are more likely to be seen by fellow members. This public area of the forum doesn't get much traffic from our members. You've come to the right place if you are looking for support and camaraderie (commiseration?) among like-minded parents who are dealing with the exact issues you are.

Welcome. You are not alone.
Reply
I am a straight-A graduate student, "assigned female at birth," who is almost 30, and I have been having transgender thoughts and feelings for over a decade that occasionally impact my mood. Lately it's been tough. I'm hoping if I surround myself with people who don't approve of that sort of thing, I can successfully get the thoughts and feelings to go away again.
Reply
(26-Oct-2020, 07:42 PM)iwantobenormal Wrote: I am a straight-A graduate student, "assigned female at birth," who is almost 30, and I have been having transgender thoughts and feelings for over a decade that occasionally impact my mood. Lately it's been tough. I'm hoping if I surround myself with people who don't approve of that sort of thing, I can successfully get the thoughts and feelings to go away again.

Hi iwantobenormal,

Welcome. I'm sorry you've been struggling, and struggling for more than 10 years, at that. I hope that you'll find the forum useful or helpful, though we are not therapists, we are just parents who are struggling ourselves. We are dealing with the absolute shock of a kid telling us out of the blue that they are trans, though they showed zero or very little gender nonconforming behavior prior, and no signs of being unhappy with their sex or wishing to be the opposite sex. Then we are shocked again when we seek professional help for our kids, and are told during the first session with the professional that there's no need for psychological exploration because our kid is trans if they say they're trans, and here's a pamphlet from the local pediatric gender center, we need to give them a call to set up an appointment to discuss blockers and hormones.

So it's not that we "don't approve of that sort of thing" as you put it, it's that when it comes to kids and young adults -- many of whom have never explored their sexuality, gone on a date or had their first kiss, many of whom are dealing with mental health issues related to autism, ADHD and OCD, many of whom are dealing with unresolved trauma -- we don't believe it is wise or appropriate to immediately affirm them as trans and let them believe transitioning will magically end their woes. We'd prefer our kids wait it out as you have done, while resolving their mental health issues if possible, embracing their gender nonconformity and accepting the fact they cannot change their sex.

As an adult who is almost 30, you certainly have entered a point in your life when you do not need parents or strangers to approve of your decisions. At the same time, if you "want to be normal," there are ways that others have managed their dysphoria without transition. However, you may be familiar with all these strategies already if you've been dysphoric for over a decade, and perhaps these methods have not worked for you.

Could our members help "talk you down" from being trans? I don't know. I guess it is possible, however, most of us are sad, weary, traumatized and hurting. Despite our own troubles, we are a caring, thoughtful group who may be able to provide you with some comfort, general advice and perhaps even friendship. There are probably other groups that are closer to what you're looking for, like u/detrans on reddit, but we are happy to help if we can.

Welcome to the forum. Your account has been activated.
Reply
I am a transwoman (born male) in my late 30s. I have lived "full time" in my gender for a number of years, including many surgeries and therapies to get there. That may be all you need to know to not like me, and that's fair, but I do wish to critically examine things with you all. I've read a great deal of your posts, and do sympathize with all of you. In some regards, you will find I agree with you on many things too(even exploring my own resolve and commitment by considering a detransition). As such, I'm not here to defend trans, call you wrong or phobic, change your kids, or demand anything more than maybe being a resource. 
The poster a bit above is not wrong. The hormones have sterilized me, I've surgically altered my body in many ways, often painful and costing tens of thousands of dollars, I'm required to take very dangerous hormones for the rest of my life, which put me at double risk for things like cancer (or even outright kill me), some hormone replacement parts I take are experimental cancer pharmaceuticals, very very expensive, but as poster above said, Obamacare guarantees it. Though I have a very successful career, educated, traveled, quite passing female to point of modeling and in a reasonably good place in life, I have been raped, assaulted, pornographically exploited, and given money for sex--not because I need money, I make great money, I just wanted the affirmation. 
I understand, you don't want your kids to be me, who would wish that on anybody? That's terrifying. Granted, not all trans are me, that is my experience. 
To further your possible disdain, I am who your children confide in, currently. I've met a great deal of self identifying trans youth over the years, and everyday. When they haven't told you, when they're in the closet, when they've come out and met resistance, when they're "free" of parents and off to college, they find me. Over time I see some transition, some hurt themselves with black market alternatives and self-transitioning, some exploit themselves sexually, and some hurt by their parents and loved ones to point of absolute breakdown and suicide. I am not medically qualified, nor promote myself as such a person. They find me because they are desperate and confused. I try to steer them towards a parent, a family member, a professional, even a school counselor, but they ultimately want my help. If you wish a very genuine, and perhaps uncomfortable look into this from a person that has experienced it all, and the confidant of your kids then I can provide that. 
Honestly, the amount of online resources for your side seem muted and gagged, which is not cool. Even if I didn't agree, muting the very real concerns or uncomfortable view points only stops us from helping to fix anything. 
So, I may not be welcome, but I'd like to learn a great deal from you all and perhaps my unique situation can be a boon to you, sincerely, thank you.
Reply
I just poured myself a half a cup of coffee at almost 9 pm because I wanted to finally post in a safe environment. We have been going through hell for over two years on our mental health journey with our 14-year-old daughter. The non-binary, trans, gender fluid issue is newer and evolving as more time passes and with each additional treatment program. While the main focus for what should be therapy and coping skills for pervasive and persistent depression and anxiety, it ends up getting hijacked by "why won't you call me by my new name?. . .Yeah but my parents don't use the right pronouns" to tears and isolating herself because I won't buy her a chest binder for Christmas.
My daughter will yell at us in therapy that she doesn't have any friends but up through mid-fifth grade she made friends easily, and was athletic. Our daughter always was always very active and had a natural athletic drive. I had our kids in activities so they could try different things, see what they liked and what they might be good at and meet other kids. By sixth grade her energy level in activities and friends had plummeted. I didn't understand or realize why she was taking on-line medical quizzes: "Maybe I'm this, Maybe I'm bipolar," I would hear her tell a friend. Right before seventh grade, she broke down in tears that she had this overwhelming sadness and she didn't know why.
Two years later, as parents we are exhausted by the multiple hospitalizations, treatment programs and honestly the non-gender specific pronouns. What may feel like a sense of belonging in treatment groups or friends online looks small and isolates them from most of their peers at school who are enjoying activities, goofy fun and dreaming of their futures.
I realize that many of these "professionals" risk losing their jobs and credentials if they don't go along with this new agenda but this approach and 54 different gender descriptions on social media don't help kids who are struggling with other issues. It adds another layer to the main problem and interferes in the process of getting effective treatment. Our daughter loved sports, playing outside, any physical feat, pink cowboy boots, purses and seeing friends and family. Now saying tomboy isn't pc. I long for those days and hope our dearly loved little girl isn't gone for good. We need the real help from professionals who can teach are kids to love themselves not conform to a new identity. You are not alone.
Thank you for this forum. I found the link on 4thWaveNow which was mentioned in a book I'm reading. Thank you for this.
Reply
(16-Nov-2020, 04:20 AM)Gonegirl Wrote: I just poured myself a half a cup of coffee at almost 9 pm because I wanted to finally post in a safe environment.  We have been going through hell for over two years on our mental health journey with our 14-year-old daughter.  The non-binary, trans, gender fluid issue is newer and evolving as more time passes and with each additional treatment program.  While the main focus  for what should be therapy and coping skills for pervasive and persistent depression and anxiety, it ends up getting hijacked by "why won't you call me by my new name?. . .Yeah but my parents don't use the right pronouns" to tears and isolating herself because I won't buy her a chest binder for Christmas. 
My daughter will yell at us in therapy that she doesn't have any friends but up through mid-fifth grade she made friends easily, and was athletic.  Our daughter always was always very active and had a natural athletic drive.  I had our kids in activities so they could try different things, see what they liked and what they might be good at and meet other kids.  By sixth grade her energy level in activities and friends had plummeted.  I didn't understand or realize why she was taking on-line medical quizzes: "Maybe I'm this, Maybe I'm bipolar," I would hear her tell a friend.  Right before seventh grade, she broke down in tears that she had this overwhelming sadness and she didn't know why. 
Two years later, as parents we are exhausted by the multiple hospitalizations, treatment programs and honestly the non-gender specific pronouns.  What may feel like a sense of belonging in treatment groups or friends online looks small and isolates them from most of their peers at school who are enjoying activities, goofy fun and dreaming of their futures. 
I realize that many of these "professionals" risk losing their jobs and credentials if they don't go along with this new agenda but this approach and 54 different gender descriptions on social media don't help kids who are struggling with other issues.  It adds another layer to the main problem and interferes in the process of getting effective treatment.  Our daughter loved sports, playing outside, any physical feat, pink cowboy boots, purses and seeing friends and family. Now saying tomboy isn't pc.  I long for those days and hope our dearly loved little girl isn't gone for good.  We need the real help from professionals who can teach are kids to love themselves not conform to a new identity.  You are not alone.
Thank you for this forum.  I found the link on 4thWaveNow which was mentioned in a book I'm reading.  Thank you for this.

Hello, and welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. Your account has been activated.

You are not alone.
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