Gender Critical Support Board
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RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Alice in Wonderland - 24-Aug-2019

Hi. I'm hoping to have found a like-minded place. Our delightful 14.5 year old son announced to us at breakfast yesterday and out of the blue that he feels he is a girl, would like us to use female pronouns and call him our daughter. I never saw this coming, and I am not proud of how I am reacting to it. I do not wish to shame him, to invalidate his experience, to try to convince him of something that isn't true inside him. But I cannot help being skeptical. I've been completely distracted by this since he told us, and don't know what to do. I spent most of the day yesterday trying to just be at peace with it, telling myself there is nothing I can do. My husband and I talked about finding a therapist who will help us all navigate this transition, but then we woke up this morning and asked ourselves, what if we just told him no, this is not how we see you? Would it just drive him away from us?
Today we had another conversation with our son. I asked him when he says he feels like he's a girl, what does that look like, or feel like? He was unable to articulate it, and I asked him what it looks like or feels like to be a boy--also unable to articulate it. I told him he has given us a lot to think about in the past 24 hours, that I am supportive of whoever he is, but I don't believe it is the right approach to apply the label and make the sudden pronouncement first, when he hasn't sorted out his own feelings. He doesn't understand the ramifications of this, and he hasn't explored what gender identity means to him at all. He's 14; that's still a CHILD!
I feel like a terrible parent. I am not unsupportive of transgender people; I think we should have gender free bathrooms, trans adults should serve in the military and in Congress, and should be treated with dignity and respect. 
And this is not me saying it's fine for others, just not for my child. I am fully supportive of him trying on female behaviors and female presentations. If he wants to start wearing dresses and makeup and growing his hair long, or whatever, I am on board. But can we just not call it transgender yet? There is a very broad spectrum of what a male can be like, and he might be somewhere on that, rather than pronouncing himself female and taking whatever extraordinary measures he might take to complete that transition.
My membership is not activated yet, so I look forward to reading more on here, and hopefully finding support.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Marge Bouvier Simpson - 25-Aug-2019

Hello Alice, and welcome. I do believe you have come to the right place. We are a group of parents who love our kids and want to support them in every way that is beneficial and appropriate, but we (in general) do not think that transition or sex change is a decision that should be made so young, especially when for many of our kids it seems there are underlying issues or outside influences at play, affecting our kids' desires to be the opposite sex. We also are wary of the physical harms and dangers associated with transition drugs and surgeries.

Your account has been activated. Thanks for your patience.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - stratocast23 - 26-Aug-2019

Hello, I'm a parent whose child has recently told us he is trans after an entire chlidhood with zero symptoms of dysphoria whatsoever. Would love my account to be activated and would love access to the members only forum. Thank you.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - hismom - 26-Aug-2019

Hi Alice, you are not alone. Our 16 yr old son told us he was transgender in February, after telling us he was bisexual last August. Its been a long 6 months as I've tried to learn everything I can about this. Like you, I doubt he is transgender but he has completely bought into this new identity. I too feel like I am in wonderland or bizarro-land or somewhere other than the real world. I just discovered this board (it was recommended on another GC site that I follow) and hope to join the discussion soon. Sad to see that so many of us are struggling with this but relieved to know I'm not alone.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Aug-2019

Hello and welcome to hismom and stratocast23. Your accounts have been activated. Welcome to the forum. I hope you'll find it helpful.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - WorriedMother - 11-Sep-2019

Hello, I'm hoping that I can get help with my daughter 14 year old daughter that just last week told me she thinks she is trans.  Sorry I had to edit this because I didn't realize how much info I provided that could identify me. Thanks

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Marge Bouvier Simpson - 11-Sep-2019

Hi WorriedMother. Your story sounds very familiar. Your account is now activated and you have access to the members-only boards. Welcome.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Guest - 26-Sep-2019

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RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Marge Bouvier Simpson - 03-Oct-2019

Hi Ruby12345, your account has been activated. Welcome.

RE: About the Gender Critical Support Board - Bonnie151 - 06-Oct-2019

Hi- I’m another mum of a 14 year old daughter who previously showed no signs of being unhappy as a girl. In fact, in childhood, she was a very girly girl! She changed schools at 11, just as puberty started to hit and both struggled socially and developed acne/needed braces/needed glasses etc, all of which made her very unhappy within herself. She has always enjoyed living in fantasy worlds, pretending to be different characters etc, and gets obsessive about TV shows, other pop culture.

At 11, 2 months after starting at her new school, she ran away from home. The following year she threatened suicide (was in a very toxic friendship with a “best friend”), the next year she announced she was asexual and non binary (this was two months after starting to go to the school’s LBGT group because her current friend was bi- she spent weeks asking me if it was OK for her to go because she was straight!) and now she has announced that she is not a girl; she is a boy. She is uncomfortable being called “she” and wants to bind her breasts (which I won’t allow). The school have embraced this whole heartedly.

She was seeing a psychologist last year who felt she is ASD, but my daughter doesn’t want to be formally diagnosed.

We started calling her by her chosen non binary name over the summer, but now I am wondering if this is just reinforcing and normalising all these beliefs.