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Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Oct-2020, 02:06 AM
(26-Oct-2020, 07:42 PM)iwantobenormal Wrote: I am a straight-A graduate student, "assigned female at birth," who is almost 30, and I have been having transgender thoughts and feelings for over a decade that occasionally impact my mood. Lately it's been tough. I'm hoping if I surround myself with people who don't approve of that sort of thing, I can successfully get the thoughts and feelings to go away again.

Hi iwantobenormal,

Welcome. I'm sorry you've been struggling, and struggling for more than 10 years, at that. I hope that you'll find the forum useful or helpful, though we are not therapists, we are just parents who are struggling ourselves. We are dealing with the absolute shock of a kid telling us out of the blue that they are trans, though they showed zero or very little gender nonconforming behavior prior, and no signs of being unhappy with their sex or wishing to be the opposite sex. Then we are shocked again when we seek professional help for our kids, and are told during the first session with the professional that there's no need for psychological exploration because our kid is trans if they say they're trans, and here's a pamphlet from the local pediatric gender center, we need to give them a call to set up an appointment to discuss blockers and hormones.

So it's not that we "don't approve of that sort of thing" as you put it, it's that when it comes to kids and young adults -- many of whom have never explored their sexuality, gone on a date or had their first kiss, many of whom are dealing with mental health issues related to autism, ADHD and OCD, many of whom are dealing with unresolved trauma -- we don't believe it is wise or appropriate to immediately affirm them as trans and let them believe transitioning will magically end their woes. We'd prefer our kids wait it out as you have done, while resolving their mental health issues if possible, embracing their gender nonconformity and accepting the fact they cannot change their sex.

As an adult who is almost 30, you certainly have entered a point in your life when you do not need parents or strangers to approve of your decisions. At the same time, if you "want to be normal," there are ways that others have managed their dysphoria without transition. However, you may be familiar with all these strategies already if you've been dysphoric for over a decade, and perhaps these methods have not worked for you.

Could our members help "talk you down" from being trans? I don't know. I guess it is possible, however, most of us are sad, weary, traumatized and hurting. Despite our own troubles, we are a caring, thoughtful group who may be able to provide you with some comfort, general advice and perhaps even friendship. There are probably other groups that are closer to what you're looking for, like u/detrans on reddit, but we are happy to help if we can.

Welcome to the forum. Your account has been activated.
Posted by iwantobenormal - 26-Oct-2020, 07:42 PM
I am a straight-A graduate student, "assigned female at birth," who is almost 30, and I have been having transgender thoughts and feelings for over a decade that occasionally impact my mood. Lately it's been tough. I'm hoping if I surround myself with people who don't approve of that sort of thing, I can successfully get the thoughts and feelings to go away again.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 22-Oct-2020, 03:11 PM
(21-Oct-2020, 09:50 PM)pvgirl Wrote:
(09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults.  My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male).  I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope.  I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female.  I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely.  I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first.  I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male.  I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters.  Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome.  Thank you.
Hi Libby, do not feel badly about calling your daughter just exactly what she is, a "she."  You have every right to not suspend disbelief and believe your lying eyes. No matter how much medical intervention is thrown at the problem, a female will always be female down to her skeletal structure.  It's a matter of simple biology and nothing can change that.  My beautiful daughter was brainwashed in college and therefore not under my husband's and my direct supervision to try and intervene.  On a visit home her senior year she demanded we support her as a him; it was more of a manifesto/ultimatum.  We were completely unprepared as she'd never hinted at this before, and we encouraged waiting. She responded to our hesitation by being outraged we were not fully supportive, and spouted all the talking points given to her by her trans supporters, including that emotional blackmail trick of suicide.  She then defriended us on Facebook and didn't speak with us for nearly 2 years.  We had to rely on friends and relatives to tell us what she was up to. After we lost our home in the Woosley Fire here in CA in Nov 18, our relationship was reestablished-- but only under the condition that we accept her as "him."  Then without our knowing it came "T", followed by top surgery, followed by egg freezing, followed just recently by a hysterectomy. My beautiful daughter is now poisoned, mutilated and sterile, with a deep voice and beard, and I'm just supposed to say how wonderful, I'm so happy for you!?  
I've just finished reading a book by Abigail Shrier called "Irreversible Damage," and I recommend it to you.  It will anger you at how helpless we parents are and what we're up against.  You will learn how powerful the trans movement is, both online and in our community, and how corrupt the medical and psychological community has become. (Know thy enemy!)  Here's how it works:  kids diagnose themselves through brainwashing by a powerful trans activist community who prey on especially vulnerable young girls.  These kids are then directed to an activist psych who affirms their diagnosis instead of properly treating them for what's obviously gender dysphoria and who also then helps them access all the medical resources they need to transition. Finally, activist doctors violate their Hippocratic Oath by performing radical double mastectomies and hysterectomies on perfectly healthy young girls.  The worst part of what's driving all of this:  thanks to ObamaCare, all of these services and drugs are enshrined in every insurance program now due to equality laws, so the expensive hormones and surgeries are completely free (or nearly so) to the kids.  And, thanks to patient protections, parents cannot know what's going on, even if the child is underage. You might even get social services knocking on your door if your child is underage and you dissent.  (Really wish I were kidding about that.) 
I'm not transphobic or homophobic and resent this labeling.  It's the trans activist community's way of saying "if you're not 100% with us then you're against us!"  I am grateful for this website, as it seems like I'm the only parent out there pulling the fire alarm on this mess!  If your daughter has not transitioned yet, even as she's in her mid-20's, you are still the parent.  Provide the guardrails she so desperately needs and get her to a psych who still has morals.  She will thank you in the future, I promise!

Hi pvgirl,

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter getting caught up in these cult-like beliefs. Your account has been activated. I encourage you to take your discussion into our members-only forums where your posts are more likely to be seen by fellow members. This public area of the forum doesn't get much traffic from our members. You've come to the right place if you are looking for support and camaraderie (commiseration?) among like-minded parents who are dealing with the exact issues you are.

Welcome. You are not alone.
Posted by pvgirl - 21-Oct-2020, 09:50 PM
(09-Apr-2018, 06:23 PM)Libby Wrote: Hi, this is the first time I have found this board and I was wondering if it is for parents of only children and young adults.  My reasons for asking are I have a child (mid-twenties) who is seriously thinking of transitioning (female to male).  I am so distressed and am really struggling to cope.  I love my daughter so much and, up until recently, had believed that she was bi-sexual and felt a sort of mix of male and female.  I am genuinely a supportive and caring parent who wants the absolute best for my child but I feel shaken to the core that she may transition completely.  I'm truly not transphobic but can't help thinking that other avenues should be explored first.  I realise this isn't about looks but she's very feminine looking and soft and gentle so it feels even harder to reconcile somehow with her telling me she is in fact male.  I realise my child seems to be considerably older than the children of other posters.  Maybe I just have to be completely accepting of her decision (I feel 'bad' even saying 'she'!) but any support would be so very welcome.  Thank you.
Hi Libby, do not feel badly about calling your daughter just exactly what she is, a "she."  You have every right to not suspend disbelief and believe your lying eyes. No matter how much medical intervention is thrown at the problem, a female will always be female down to her skeletal structure.  It's a matter of simple biology and nothing can change that.  My beautiful daughter was brainwashed in college and therefore not under my husband's and my direct supervision to try and intervene.  On a visit home her senior year she demanded we support her as a him; it was more of a manifesto/ultimatum.  We were completely unprepared as she'd never hinted at this before, and we encouraged waiting. She responded to our hesitation by being outraged we were not fully supportive, and spouted all the talking points given to her by her trans supporters, including that emotional blackmail trick of suicide.  She then defriended us on Facebook and didn't speak with us for nearly 2 years.  We had to rely on friends and relatives to tell us what she was up to. After we lost our home in the Woosley Fire here in CA in Nov 18, our relationship was reestablished-- but only under the condition that we accept her as "him."  Then without our knowing it came "T", followed by top surgery, followed by egg freezing, followed just recently by a hysterectomy. My beautiful daughter is now poisoned, mutilated and sterile, with a deep voice and beard, and I'm just supposed to say how wonderful, I'm so happy for you!?  
I've just finished reading a book by Abigail Shrier called "Irreversible Damage," and I recommend it to you.  It will anger you at how helpless we parents are and what we're up against.  You will learn how powerful the trans movement is, both online and in our community, and how corrupt the medical and psychological community has become. (Know thy enemy!)  Here's how it works:  kids diagnose themselves through brainwashing by a powerful trans activist community who prey on especially vulnerable young girls.  These kids are then directed to an activist psych who affirms their diagnosis instead of properly treating them for what's obviously gender dysphoria and who also then helps them access all the medical resources they need to transition. Finally, activist doctors violate their Hippocratic Oath by performing radical double mastectomies and hysterectomies on perfectly healthy young girls.  The worst part of what's driving all of this:  thanks to ObamaCare, all of these services and drugs are enshrined in every insurance program now due to equality laws, so the expensive hormones and surgeries are completely free (or nearly so) to the kids.  And, thanks to patient protections, parents cannot know what's going on, even if the child is underage. You might even get social services knocking on your door if your child is underage and you dissent.  (Really wish I were kidding about that.) 
I'm not transphobic or homophobic and resent this labeling.  It's the trans activist community's way of saying "if you're not 100% with us then you're against us!"  I am grateful for this website, as it seems like I'm the only parent out there pulling the fire alarm on this mess!  If your daughter has not transitioned yet, even as she's in her mid-20's, you are still the parent.  Provide the guardrails she so desperately needs and get her to a psych who still has morals.  She will thank you in the future, I promise!
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 21-Oct-2020, 03:32 PM
(20-Oct-2020, 10:25 PM)adogslife Wrote: Hi
I too am waiting for my account to be activated. Like many of you, I feel lost, sad and very helpless. My 19 year old daughter has a chronic illness (Type I diabetes) that has made her put on weight and as a result, she has been mostly ostracized and left off the party lists through her high school years. I knew she wondered about her sexuality though every time a boy showed an interest in her, this seemed to be forgotten. Now she has moved on to the next phase, talking about surgery and testosterone. Like many of the posts I have seen on this site, she spent many hours on the net despite our attempts to restrict it, and it seems like the trans cult managed to get her hooked. We discuss things openly (so far) and we are trying to get her to postpone irreversible steps but it is very hard to enlist help from objective professionals. I am all for tolerance (being a minority myself) but we seem to have lost the ability to question anything for fear of being called a bigot or a hater. In trying to celebrate diversity, our children are being pigeon-holed and labelled even further.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this but what I'd really like is to find out if there is a subgroup for parents or even young adults/teens that have been affected by a chronic illness like diabetes. Any advice would be welcome- we don't want to lose our daughter to what I see as a recruitment movement.

Hello, adogslife, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. Before undergoing medical treatment, I hope she will consider how testosterone can effect her health in light of her diabetes. Testosterone being taken by a female with diabetes sounds ripe for complications, although I'll admit I don't know much about it.

Your account has been activated.
Posted by adogslife - 20-Oct-2020, 10:25 PM
Hi
I too am waiting for my account to be activated. Like many of you, I feel lost, sad and very helpless. My 19 year old daughter has a chronic illness (Type I diabetes) that has made her put on weight and as a result, she has been mostly ostracized and left off the party lists through her high school years. I knew she wondered about her sexuality though every time a boy showed an interest in her, this seemed to be forgotten. Now she has moved on to the next phase, talking about surgery and testosterone. Like many of the posts I have seen on this site, she spent many hours on the net despite our attempts to restrict it, and it seems like the trans cult managed to get her hooked. We discuss things openly (so far) and we are trying to get her to postpone irreversible steps but it is very hard to enlist help from objective professionals. I am all for tolerance (being a minority myself) but we seem to have lost the ability to question anything for fear of being called a bigot or a hater. In trying to celebrate diversity, our children are being pigeon-holed and labelled even further.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this but what I'd really like is to find out if there is a subgroup for parents or even young adults/teens that have been affected by a chronic illness like diabetes. Any advice would be welcome- we don't want to lose our daughter to what I see as a recruitment movement.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 20-Oct-2020, 02:42 PM
[quote pid='42729' dateline='1603174246']
Hi I also need my account to be actives. Thank you!
Does anyone know any connection between Buffy the Vampire Slayer or philosophy to gender dysphoria?
Thank you for anyone's help!
[/quote]

Hello, I believe you registered with the username "friend," is that correct? Your account has been activated and you should now have access to the members-only forums. Please post back if you're still not able to and I will see what I can do to help.

Welcome.
Posted by - 20-Oct-2020, 06:10 AM
Hi I also need my account to be actives. Thank you!
Does anyone know any connection between Buffy the Vampire Slayer or philosophy to gender dysphoria?
Thank you for anyone's help!
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 14-Oct-2020, 12:49 AM
(13-Oct-2020, 11:30 AM)Ngir Wrote: Hi there, my account is supposed to be activated but I cannot seem to see the members area, thanks

Hello, Ngir, and welcome to the forum.

Thank you for your patience. All accounts must be manually activated by a forum moderator, so that's the reason for the delay. Your account is now activated. I hope you'll find the forum helplful.
Posted by Ngir - 13-Oct-2020, 11:30 AM
Hi there, my account is supposed to be activated but I cannot seem to see the members area, thanks
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