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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 23-Aug-2019, 02:42 PM
Hello, Aenea, and welcome.

I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles. Your account has now been activated and you have access to the members-only forums. Please post back if you have trouble accessing them.
Posted by Aenea - 23-Aug-2019, 08:01 AM
Hi, I have Not posted here before but would like to tell my daughters story and ask for advice because I feel like my reality is crumbling and I'm terrified for my girl, my amazing trippy, intelligent and funny daughter entered my bedroom at midnight a few weeks ago with a letter she had written (suposedly) it wasn't worded in the manner she usually writes. In this letter she declared that she was trans, wanted me to now call her Danny, respect her pronouns and wanted a binder and if I didn't agree to these things I was being oppressive and unsupportive. My girl has Never before expressed any issues with her sex ever. In January this year she told me she was a lesbian, this did not come as a great surprise to me I already knew! She has hashimotos hypothyroidism and really struggles with her weight and feeling shit. She hates her body so to her this must mean she is a boy. What do I do? Last night things got really bad she told me she wants me to die so she can live with a supportive family, that's normal for a teen I know and I take it with a pinch of salt but I can't gear the pain she is in and want to help her but don't know how or what to don't or the best. If itbwas just me she was hurting I could cope but its impacting on my 11 year old daughter whom us frightened and scared. I don't know what to do or how to handle my daughter, I try to get her out to spend time together but she won't. Do I risk going to my GP for help. We live in Hull UK is there anyone here who lives in Yorkshire or any support groups for parents that any one knows about? I am desperate.

Sorry I think I posted the wrong place
Posted by Kacie Chitwood - 08-Aug-2019, 03:42 AM
(09-Apr-2018, 06:02 PM)missingmyboy Wrote:
(06-Apr-2018, 08:18 AM)Heroshero Wrote: Add yet one more family to this collection of similar stories.
We’re nearly identical to others: 13 yr old, smart quirky girl binges on YouTube and announces she’s actually a boy. Now 14 1/2, diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd. Also implementing a similar strategy to others: getting her busy in interests, limited internet, limited phone, gender neutral clothing, no changing name/pronouns. Trying hard to slow it down.
Boy do I wish I’d seen this site a year ago! 
So many sleepless nights. Often a black cloud of sadness resides in our hearts. Hard on our marriage. Hard on all of our relationships. So hard to know who to trust. Crying out to God to wake our daughter up.
Feels great to know we’re not alone. Feels terrible to know we’re not alone. It’s membership in the most awful club.

My emotions are exactly as stated by Heroshero.  In our case we have a son who at 151/2 came to us with the transgender announcement out of the blue.  He is now nearing 17 and continuing in his belief that he is indeed female.  My husband is "not happy" about this at all and would like it to end.  But his emotional response has not been as deep as mine or hurt as I am.  This has been one  factor straining our  31 year marriage.  This also has strained my relationship with our older kids..both  have graduated form college already and are of the belief that gender is a "social construct".  Whatever the hell that means???.  The description of a cloud of sadness describes my felling for about the last 16  months.  I know that most of the ROGD teens are girls but my son meets the description perfectly..he is on the Autism spectrum. I also pray to God all the time to return my wonderful,  smart son back to me.  Never thought something like this would happen to my family.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 08-Aug-2019, 02:35 AM
(07-Aug-2019, 10:42 PM)gemdamon Wrote: Hi - my daughter came out as Bi 2 years ago, lesbian the year after and now trans 2 weeks ago. We FULLY support him in being whomever he chooses, this is his journey not ours. BUT, HE now refuses to go to school since they are using his 'dead name' and the wrong pronouns. Mind you, this is a school out of our district that we are driving to, to be away from those he may know. We've talked to the counselors, teachers etc. and they do okay but sometimes make mistakes because his 'dead name' is on the school records since there hasn't been a name change. What are other parents doing to help the trans kiddos at school? What rights do they have? Does anyone let their child do online school? We are trying and need help. I even got him into a local 1 n 10 group that supports him with his peers. Thank you.

Hello gemdamon,

I'm not sure how thoroughly or closely you've read the posts preceding yours. This board is for parents whose kids have suddenly come out as trans and want to immediately be affirmed by the world as trans -- but as parents we want to take the slow approach. We believe it is ill-advised and short-sighted to immediately (or within weeks or even months) allow a child/teen/young adult to change their name, pronouns, school records, etc. and get started down the road to medical transition. Studies have shown that socially transitioned kids are more likely to medically transition, so we desire to slow down even social transition.

I hesitate to speak for an entire group, but in general the parents of this forum view a transgender identity as a symptom, a "maladaptive coping mechanism" if you will, for kids who are dealing with various issues such as ADHD, OCD, RAD, autism/Aspergers, peer rejection, homosexuality, sexual assault, bullying, family problems such as divorce or the death of a loved one, rejection of stereotypical gender roles, social pressure, or simply puberty, to name a few.

You stated your child has already come out as bi, then lesbian, and now trans. This is a typical pattern seen in many of our kids. The parents of this forum view these ever-changing labels our kids are trying on and then shedding as convincing rationale to carefully watch and wait, saving transition as a last resort so that our kids can continue to evolve and grow, without first finding themselves painted into a corner with a "new" transgender identity -- which can be very difficult for a kid to walk back from once it has become fully entrenched. 

We also have discovered that medical transition drugs and surgeries are incredibly damaging and unhealthful for the body, as well as poorly studied. Puberty blockers, testosterone in females and estrogen in males are all used off-label. Testosterone especially is poorly studied in females and not FDA approved for female use. We believe transition should be a last resort and an adult decision, and see the current uptick in regretful detranitioners, who went quickly from coming out as trans to medical transition, as proof that taking it slow is prudent and wise.

As I'm sure you understand this is a complex, difficult topic and the few short paragraphs above barely scratch the surface. I just wanted to give you a short overview of this forum's general philosophy before activating your membership. Please post back and let me know if this forum is one you'd like to join, now that you know where the parents here are coming from, and I will be happy to activate your membership. 

Best wishes to you and your child. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Posted by gemdamon - 07-Aug-2019, 10:42 PM
Hi - my daughter came out as Bi 2 years ago, lesbian the year after and now trans 2 weeks ago. We FULLY support him in being whomever he chooses, this is his journey not ours. BUT, HE now refuses to go to school since they are using his 'dead name' and the wrong pronouns. Mind you, this is a school out of our district that we are driving to, to be away from those he may know. We've talked to the counselors, teachers etc. and they do okay but sometimes make mistakes because his 'dead name' is on the school records since there hasn't been a name change. What are other parents doing to help the trans kiddos at school? What rights do they have? Does anyone let their child do online school? We are trying and need help. I even got him into a local 1 n 10 group that supports him with his peers. Thank you.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 26-Jul-2019, 04:50 AM
Hello eioffer, and thanks for your patience. Your account has been activated.
Posted by Hummingbird - 26-Jul-2019, 04:13 AM
(26-Jul-2019, 03:50 AM)eioffer Wrote: Hi,
My son is dating a trans girl - He was new to the school system and joined the "Diversity club". I was so naive I didn't know it was full of all confused kids. He is 14 and in 8th grade going into 9th. I am pretty sure that this is his first romantic relationship. This "girl" went from Pan to trans. We have a no dating rule till 16 but he is breaking that. My solace is that I believe she is going to another school next year (Fingers crossed). I notice that he is talking about estrogen and womens levels etc... This info I am sure is coming from his friend. She also talks about sucide and her mental health. I feel she is really mixing my son up. He has always had crushes on females that identify as females. I now see him having distate for them. Originally he told me he couldn't date this person b/c he wasn't gay - so did he "turn gay" ? This is really putting a wedge between us. She is biologically a female to be clear but if I call her a she he freaks out and says it is "because of people like you" !  He is so smart that I can't believe he buys into all of this stuff so easily. Any thoughts on what I should be doing ? Deprogramming etc...
Once your account is activated, you will find a lot of information.  Be patient.  It will be worth it.
Posted by eioffer - 26-Jul-2019, 03:50 AM
Hi,
My son is dating a trans girl - He was new to the school system and joined the "Diversity club". I was so naive I didn't know it was full of all confused kids. He is 14 and in 8th grade going into 9th. I am pretty sure that this is his first romantic relationship. This "girl" went from Pan to trans. We have a no dating rule till 16 but he is breaking that. My solace is that I believe she is going to another school next year (Fingers crossed). I notice that he is talking about estrogen and womens levels etc... This info I am sure is coming from his friend. She also talks about sucide and her mental health. I feel she is really mixing my son up. He has always had crushes on females that identify as females. I now see him having distate for them. Originally he told me he couldn't date this person b/c he wasn't gay - so did he "turn gay" ? This is really putting a wedge between us. She is biologically a female to be clear but if I call her a she he freaks out and says it is "because of people like you" ! He is so smart that I can't believe he buys into all of this stuff so easily. Any thoughts on what I should be doing ? Deprogramming etc...
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 20-Apr-2019, 10:44 PM
Hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Your membership has been activated, if you'd like to discuss what's going on in the members-only area, which is a somewhat more private setting.
Posted by Dispparent - 19-Apr-2019, 09:29 PM
(17-Apr-2019, 01:19 PM)lckystarr Wrote: I'm a new member, as well.  I have been struggling with my daughter and the trans issue for three years.  She was a normal, beautiful functioning young girl, but when she turned 14 she all of a sudden wanted to cut off her breasts and identify as a boy.  I would not support it and got into so much trouble in the state of CA.  She was very rebellious and tried to get me in trouble with the state and was successful in doing so, so much that she ended up in foster care for 6 months.  I am a single/widowed mother and it has been holy hell.  Does anyone know what is going on?  I moved to Minnesota and 3 years later I am still dealing with this shit with her.  I'm so done...and still don't support it. I have to be careful who I tell this too.
I completely understand. I am also in CA and my 15 year old daughter is going through the same thing. She has gone to the school and changed her name to a boy name. I went to the school frustrated by getting email messages from them with this name and they told me that because of some bill that was passed they have to allow this. How do these kids have more rights than the parents? How are we supposed to be parents when we are restricted? My daughter has now been in and out of treatment centers, crisis centers and acute facilities. She is in an acute facility now due to her suicidal attempt. Since she is there, I decided to go through her chat account and I was shocked. The things these kids talk about is completely unhealthy and there is definitely dangerous. I was so upset that I logged in and gave them a piece of my mind. This particular teen, so I think it's a teen, was completely emotionally manipulating. While she is has been out, I have removed all the inappropriate drawings on her wall. I'm placing lock on the closet door and placing the computer, pills and knives in it. This has all happened within the course of the past year. She keeps saying she was "born" this way. I keep telling her it is not true. She was a girly girl, into cheetah print, glitter and only stop playing with barbies at age 14. She has made comments about her self image that she is overweight. I am tired of these therapist validating her feeling of being a "boy" instead of treating and addressing her self esteem issues. I'm beyond frustrated and it seems that I'm fighting a losing battle.
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