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Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 11-Jan-2019, 04:37 PM
(11-Jan-2019, 05:05 AM)rensides Wrote: Hi there!  I registered and received an activation code but I don’t know where to enter it in order to activate my account.  I can only see public forums at the moment

Hi and welcome. All those who register must also be manually activated by a moderator. I have just activated your account, so you should now have access to all forums. Please post back if you do not.
Posted by rensides - 11-Jan-2019, 05:05 AM
Hi there!  I registered and received an activation code but I don’t know where to enter it in order to activate my account.  I can only see public forums at the moment
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 29-Dec-2018, 10:20 PM
Hi MomQuestions, all accounts must be approved manually by a board moderator before a new member gains access to the members-only boards, and so that is probably why you couldn't see them earlier. Your membership has been approved, so you should now have access. Please post back if you do not. Welcome.
Posted by MomQuestions - 29-Dec-2018, 08:18 PM
Hello, I've activated my email, but can only see the public boards.
Posted by EverHopeful - 05-Dec-2018, 12:49 AM
Welcome Garland. I’m the parent of a son too. See you in the forum.

Mom S19
Posted by - 04-Dec-2018, 03:52 PM
cat - Thank you!
I'll be searching boards for "survival strategies" as the holidays for sure!!

sincerely,
Garland
Posted by cat - 04-Dec-2018, 12:37 AM
Hi, Garland,

Welcome.

Glad you found your way to us -- sorry that you needed to...

But we're all in this together....

There are so many empathetic, helpful parents here. And if you use the search function you can also find specific topics, in addition to reviewing the various topics.

You may get more visibility of your post if you also place this under "Our Stories". Also, of course, please jump in on other threads, ask questions, etc. I think there is a thread (or two) about the upcoming holidays, where parents are discussing survival strategies.

It sounds like you are doing your very best with a very difficult situation -- please take whatever time you can to take care of yourself and keep up your strength.

It is horrible that your family has not gotten the quality health care needed -- but this is a sad reality of the psychiatric sphere these days: so few therapists think these situations through, and focus primarily on trans.

However, there ARE some very wise and wonderful therapists out there--you can find out more about them here. They might not be close by, but they publish articles and podcasts, etc., which can help you navigate.

I know other parents will chime in here to help...I wish you the very best.
Posted by Garland_ - 03-Dec-2018, 05:18 AM
hi - I'm new here and looking for support. I'm not sure where to find the members only board and forums are a bit challenging for me! ...but I'm ready to learn. If this post is in the WRONG place, please remove and get back to me as to the best place to post. Thanks. 

Here's a bit about what's going on in my world:

This past summer our 20y/o son (third born of four) "came out" as trans/queer to my husband and me. He's struggled with anxiety/depression and self-esteem issues since he dropped out of university in early 2017. He began seeing a therapist this past summer to deal with his depression but from my limited perspective, this counselor more concerned about helping our son transition to female than helping him with his mental health. He lives with friends in an apartment nearby and we have been watching him wither away... quite literally. Diagnosed with atypical anorexia in September, he admitted himself to a residential treatment center for eating disorders in late October; we were thrilled that he was able to seek the needed help. This facility, which is about 6 hours from our town, is non-discriminating and accepting of whatever identity one desires. This has been troubling for us as parents because it appears they are reinforcing his gender dysphoria while treating his eating disorder! He is scheduled to be discharged next week and then will attend a partial hospitalization program (PHP) in a city about 45 minutes from home for about 40 hours a week. He also "came out" on Facebook recently too; changed his name online and requested she/her pronouns. I'm still in a bit of shock and do not really know what to do next.
He is an adult, which makes it tough to intervene. We'll all be together this Christmas season (three other brothers, and girlfriends coming home from university and work to be here... I'm totally stressed about all that!!)

I've been researching online (that's how I found you) and reading a lot.
Any words of wisdom, advice and/or encouragement is welcome.

Thank you for providing a place to come and be real.

Garland
Posted by - 29-Nov-2018, 07:28 PM
Thank you Keith...I keep looking for more info. such as a book I might send regarding "gender dysphoria" which outlines some of the "non-trans" reasons for female young adults experiencing such dysphoria; there is also terminal illness involved, although stable for now, and that cannot be easy for a young person. Appreciate your kind reply!
Posted by Keith - 29-Nov-2018, 10:43 AM
(29-Nov-2018, 03:58 AM)dart Wrote: New to this topic and very concerned about a younger relation who is taking testosterone and going for "top" surgery. Appears to be sudden onset of "trans" after abuse in prior relationship and gay-male relationship which ended; very very intelligent and very ideological. .....  no one in family wants to hear about this 'trend' among young adult females. What to do???

Hi Dart - new to this also, my prayers are with you.  Getting on this board is a great step in the right direction.  Look for Sasha Ayad who is a Jungian Therapist.  Look at 4th Wave Now.  I'm in the midst of reading a book called "Freedom of Mind" by Steven Hassan about using the entire family and friends to get loved ones out of a cult.  There is a thread on this board that is active at the moment about how to explain to the family how this trans thing is the latest "fad".  (Like cutting, anorexia, etc.)  Obviously these are much more serious than the fads of pet rocks and fashion - but can grip them in a similar manner.

Sasha Ayad and many others talk about a "nuanced" approach.  (as does Hassan).  With my daughter I probably come on a bit too strong.  I try not to, but it is just so hard.  She too is smart - why can't she see that this isn't the answer to her social anxiety!?  But, if one comes on too strong they are programmed to disown you.

Do lots and lots of research.  Trust yourself, and your knowledge of your loved one.  It is VERY rare that gender dysphoria (a VERY REAL thing) is due to an "incompatible" body.  Often it is due to abuse (as with yours), and is also now prevalent in girls with anxiety, autisim, and other mental issues that make normal social relationships difficult. 

Before any interaction with my daughter I try to calm myself down, think solely about her, and the anguish that she must be going through to think that this transitioning is the solution.  Above all - I let her know that NO MATTER WHAT - I love her, and will love her.  (Heh - of course I don't use the term "her"!)   I do try to minimize the use of her real name in an attempt to respect her choices as an adult.  But she also knows that I don't use her boy name, and that I don't agree with her decision to continue with transition.

But, in spite of our differences on our views, if we can both be polite in dealing with each other, that at least allows for a conversation.  And hopefully we will both LEARN something from each other.
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