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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by EverHopeful - 05-Dec-2018, 12:49 AM
Welcome Garland. I’m the parent of a son too. See you in the forum.

Mom S19
Posted by - 04-Dec-2018, 03:52 PM
cat - Thank you!
I'll be searching boards for "survival strategies" as the holidays for sure!!

sincerely,
Garland
Posted by cat - 04-Dec-2018, 12:37 AM
Hi, Garland,

Welcome.

Glad you found your way to us -- sorry that you needed to...

But we're all in this together....

There are so many empathetic, helpful parents here. And if you use the search function you can also find specific topics, in addition to reviewing the various topics.

You may get more visibility of your post if you also place this under "Our Stories". Also, of course, please jump in on other threads, ask questions, etc. I think there is a thread (or two) about the upcoming holidays, where parents are discussing survival strategies.

It sounds like you are doing your very best with a very difficult situation -- please take whatever time you can to take care of yourself and keep up your strength.

It is horrible that your family has not gotten the quality health care needed -- but this is a sad reality of the psychiatric sphere these days: so few therapists think these situations through, and focus primarily on trans.

However, there ARE some very wise and wonderful therapists out there--you can find out more about them here. They might not be close by, but they publish articles and podcasts, etc., which can help you navigate.

I know other parents will chime in here to help...I wish you the very best.
Posted by Garland_ - 03-Dec-2018, 05:18 AM
hi - I'm new here and looking for support. I'm not sure where to find the members only board and forums are a bit challenging for me! ...but I'm ready to learn. If this post is in the WRONG place, please remove and get back to me as to the best place to post. Thanks. 

Here's a bit about what's going on in my world:

This past summer our 20y/o son (third born of four) "came out" as trans/queer to my husband and me. He's struggled with anxiety/depression and self-esteem issues since he dropped out of university in early 2017. He began seeing a therapist this past summer to deal with his depression but from my limited perspective, this counselor more concerned about helping our son transition to female than helping him with his mental health. He lives with friends in an apartment nearby and we have been watching him wither away... quite literally. Diagnosed with atypical anorexia in September, he admitted himself to a residential treatment center for eating disorders in late October; we were thrilled that he was able to seek the needed help. This facility, which is about 6 hours from our town, is non-discriminating and accepting of whatever identity one desires. This has been troubling for us as parents because it appears they are reinforcing his gender dysphoria while treating his eating disorder! He is scheduled to be discharged next week and then will attend a partial hospitalization program (PHP) in a city about 45 minutes from home for about 40 hours a week. He also "came out" on Facebook recently too; changed his name online and requested she/her pronouns. I'm still in a bit of shock and do not really know what to do next.
He is an adult, which makes it tough to intervene. We'll all be together this Christmas season (three other brothers, and girlfriends coming home from university and work to be here... I'm totally stressed about all that!!)

I've been researching online (that's how I found you) and reading a lot.
Any words of wisdom, advice and/or encouragement is welcome.

Thank you for providing a place to come and be real.

Garland
Posted by - 29-Nov-2018, 07:28 PM
Thank you Keith...I keep looking for more info. such as a book I might send regarding "gender dysphoria" which outlines some of the "non-trans" reasons for female young adults experiencing such dysphoria; there is also terminal illness involved, although stable for now, and that cannot be easy for a young person. Appreciate your kind reply!
Posted by Keith - 29-Nov-2018, 10:43 AM
(29-Nov-2018, 03:58 AM)dart Wrote: New to this topic and very concerned about a younger relation who is taking testosterone and going for "top" surgery. Appears to be sudden onset of "trans" after abuse in prior relationship and gay-male relationship which ended; very very intelligent and very ideological. .....  no one in family wants to hear about this 'trend' among young adult females. What to do???

Hi Dart - new to this also, my prayers are with you.  Getting on this board is a great step in the right direction.  Look for Sasha Ayad who is a Jungian Therapist.  Look at 4th Wave Now.  I'm in the midst of reading a book called "Freedom of Mind" by Steven Hassan about using the entire family and friends to get loved ones out of a cult.  There is a thread on this board that is active at the moment about how to explain to the family how this trans thing is the latest "fad".  (Like cutting, anorexia, etc.)  Obviously these are much more serious than the fads of pet rocks and fashion - but can grip them in a similar manner.

Sasha Ayad and many others talk about a "nuanced" approach.  (as does Hassan).  With my daughter I probably come on a bit too strong.  I try not to, but it is just so hard.  She too is smart - why can't she see that this isn't the answer to her social anxiety!?  But, if one comes on too strong they are programmed to disown you.

Do lots and lots of research.  Trust yourself, and your knowledge of your loved one.  It is VERY rare that gender dysphoria (a VERY REAL thing) is due to an "incompatible" body.  Often it is due to abuse (as with yours), and is also now prevalent in girls with anxiety, autisim, and other mental issues that make normal social relationships difficult. 

Before any interaction with my daughter I try to calm myself down, think solely about her, and the anguish that she must be going through to think that this transitioning is the solution.  Above all - I let her know that NO MATTER WHAT - I love her, and will love her.  (Heh - of course I don't use the term "her"!)   I do try to minimize the use of her real name in an attempt to respect her choices as an adult.  But she also knows that I don't use her boy name, and that I don't agree with her decision to continue with transition.

But, in spite of our differences on our views, if we can both be polite in dealing with each other, that at least allows for a conversation.  And hopefully we will both LEARN something from each other.
Posted by dart - 29-Nov-2018, 03:58 AM
New to this topic and very concerned about a younger relation who is taking testosterone and going for "top" surgery. Appears to be sudden onset of "trans" after abuse in prior relationship and gay-male relationship which ended; very very intelligent and very ideological. What if anything can anyone recommend to assist with coping with this situation. As so many seem to be these days, it affects a group of friends, but no others are going so far with this. Had eating disorders, cutting, and other emotional issues, many moves, difficulties with being so smart in a population at school which was not, stated lesbian and one relationship in this area previously (1 year) self-diagnosed as "borderline"; took ability for a time; told at 12 was "depressed"; now denies this as being "real"; "true self is trans fTm"; currently 1 year on testosterone ; no one in family wants to hear about this 'trend' among young adult females. What to do???
Posted by motherLV - 24-Nov-2018, 03:47 PM
(12-Oct-2017, 10:44 PM)admin Wrote: Our Bulletin Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

Anyone in that situation is welcome to join us. But first:

Some points about confidentiality:

The board was set up as a place for us to discuss our stories, issues and problems in a respectful and non-judgemental space. However, we have no way to verify the identity of members. 

We Cannot Guarantee Confidentiality.

Therefore, we cannot guarantee that everyone on the board will be there in good faith. It is probably safe to operate under the assumption that the forum is being watched by those who would wish us ill. 

Choose an anonymous user name, don't reveal identifying details about yourself, and use appropriate caution when interacting with others on the forum. 

The system requires a valid email address as part of the registration process. This email is stored in case you forget your password, but is not visible to other members unless you explicitly choose to make it visible.

The system logs all personal messages and emails sent from the board.  These are not visible to other members, but can be seen by the moderators and may be examined if you are suspected of abusive behaviour. The moderators may examine the message logs to check that personal messages are not being abused. The moderators have not wish to police what people think or say, but will try protect the members from abuse and take whatever steps they feel are needed.

What's On the board Stays on the board 

We ask you to respect the privacy and confidentiality of other members of the board.
 
By registering on this discussion system you agree that you will not disclose, share, download or copy any information or text posted on the discussion system by other users without their explicit permission. You will not describe, discuss or report information about the system, users or material that they have posted. 

Any information you provide on these forums will not be disclosed to any third party without your complete consent, although the staff cannot be held liable for any hacking attempt in which your data is compromised, or for the behaviour of other members of the board.

By continuing with the sign up process you agree to the above rules and any others that the Administrator specifies.

If you wish to join us, you can click the registration link above. After you have filled in and submitted your details, you will receive an email. If you follow the instructions in the email, your membership will then be held up until a moderator approves it, when you will receive another email to tell you that you are a full member of the board.

Once you are registered.

You will be able to see the members sections of the board.
(24-Nov-2018, 03:47 PM)motherLV Wrote:
(12-Oct-2017, 10:44 PM)admin Wrote: Our Bulletin Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

Anyone in that situation is welcome to join us. But first:

Some points about confidentiality:

The board was set up as a place for us to discuss our stories, issues and problems in a respectful and non-judgemental space. However, we have no way to verify the identity of members. 

We Cannot Guarantee Confidentiality.

Therefore, we cannot guarantee that everyone on the board will be there in good faith. It is probably safe to operate under the assumption that the forum is being watched by those who would wish us ill. 

Choose an anonymous user name, don't reveal identifying details about yourself, and use appropriate caution when interacting with others on the forum. 

The system requires a valid email address as part of the registration process. This email is stored in case you forget your password, but is not visible to other members unless you explicitly choose to make it visible.

The system logs all personal messages and emails sent from the board.  These are not visible to other members, but can be seen by the moderators and may be examined if you are suspected of abusive behaviour. The moderators may examine the message logs to check that personal messages are not being abused. The moderators have not wish to police what people think or say, but will try protect the members from abuse and take whatever steps they feel are needed.

What's On the board Stays on the board 

We ask you to respect the privacy and confidentiality of other members of the board.
 
By registering on this discussion system you agree that you will not disclose, share, download or copy any information or text posted on the discussion system by other users without their explicit permission. You will not describe, discuss or report information about the system, users or material that they have posted. 

Any information you provide on these forums will not be disclosed to any third party without your complete consent, although the staff cannot be held liable for any hacking attempt in which your data is compromised, or for the behaviour of other members of the board.

By continuing with the sign up process you agree to the above rules and any others that the Administrator specifies.

If you wish to join us, you can click the registration link above. After you have filled in and submitted your details, you will receive an email. If you follow the instructions in the email, your membership will then be held up until a moderator approves it, when you will receive another email to tell you that you are a full member of the board.

Once you are registered.

You will be able to see the members sections of the board.
(12-Oct-2017, 10:44 PM)admin Wrote: Our Bulletin Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

Anyone in that situation is welcome to join us. But first:

Some points about confidentiality:

The board was set up as a place for us to discuss our stories, issues and problems in a respectful and non-judgemental space. However, we have no way to verify the identity of members. 

We Cannot Guarantee Confidentiality.

Therefore, we cannot guarantee that everyone on the board will be there in good faith. It is probably safe to operate under the assumption that the forum is being watched by those who would wish us ill. 

Choose an anonymous user name, don't reveal identifying details about yourself, and use appropriate caution when interacting with others on the forum. 

The system requires a valid email address as part of the registration process. This email is stored in case you forget your password, but is not visible to other members unless you explicitly choose to make it visible.

The system logs all personal messages and emails sent from the board.  These are not visible to other members, but can be seen by the moderators and may be examined if you are suspected of abusive behaviour. The moderators may examine the message logs to check that personal messages are not being abused. The moderators have not wish to police what people think or say, but will try protect the members from abuse and take whatever steps they feel are needed.

What's On the board Stays on the board 

We ask you to respect the privacy and confidentiality of other members of the board.
 
By registering on this discussion system you agree that you will not disclose, share, download or copy any information or text posted on the discussion system by other users without their explicit permission. You will not describe, discuss or report information about the system, users or material that they have posted. 

Any information you provide on these forums will not be disclosed to any third party without your complete consent, although the staff cannot be held liable for any hacking attempt in which your data is compromised, or for the behaviour of other members of the board.

By continuing with the sign up process you agree to the above rules and any others that the Administrator specifies.

If you wish to join us, you can click the registration link above. After you have filled in and submitted your details, you will receive an email. If you follow the instructions in the email, your membership will then be held up until a moderator approves it, when you will receive another email to tell you that you are a full member of the board.

Once you are registered.

You will be able to see the members sections of the board.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 17-Nov-2018, 09:57 PM
Hi onyxie. Welcome.

Sorry for the delay. Because all members must be approved manually, the timing depends upon admin availability. Your account has been activated and you should now have access. Please post back here if you do not.
Posted by onyxie - 17-Nov-2018, 04:33 PM
Hello, I can't access forums either and I didn't seem to receive confirmation email
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