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Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 14-Mar-2023, 02:17 PM
(14-Mar-2023, 04:28 AM)Taka Wrote: My little sister has announced that she's trans and right now I feel like the only real adult in the house. My parents are just kind of going along with it, and my other sister (I'm the oldest) is actually supporting her. Sometimes I wonder if there's something I should have done - my little sister was always kinda hero-worshipping me and following me round and I was okay with it. Now suddenly she's decided she's a boy. And the rest of my family thinks its normal??

Welcome to the board. Your account has been activated. I hope your parents and sister are able to see how trans has become a fad and/or a social contagion among teens, tweens and young adults. If your family members can be supportive and understanding of her identity issues without jumping into blind affirmation, this will give your sister some room to figure out what's going on. More and more young people are experimenting with a trans identity for a year or two or three, and then leaving it behind. However, realizing that they are not really trans becomes much more difficult when they are immediately affirmed, praised and socially or medically transitioned.

I hope your family members will get on board with the "watchful waiting" approach.

Welcome to the board. You are not alone.
Posted by Taka - 14-Mar-2023, 04:28 AM
My little sister has announced that she's trans and right now I feel like the only real adult in the house. My parents are just kind of going along with it, and my other sister (I'm the oldest) is actually supporting her. Sometimes I wonder if there's something I should have done - my little sister was always kinda hero-worshipping me and following me round and I was okay with it. Now suddenly she's decided she's a boy. And the rest of my family thinks its normal??
Posted by deeply-concerned - 01-Mar-2023, 12:13 PM
(28-Feb-2023, 06:15 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote:
(28-Feb-2023, 01:49 PM)mollyr Wrote: Good morning, I just joined this board. I'm in Massachusetts. My daughter went on hormones 2 years ago, which I deeply regretted. She was 20 and I couldn't stop her. We agreed to disagree. Now she/they wants top surgery. She's got a pcp and a therapist at college who have already written letters of support. I am desperate, and finding it hard to live with myself having let things get this far. So glad for this list. Would like to find Boston area parents for support.

Hi, mollyr. welcome to the board. Your account has been activated.

I'm so sorry about all of this. As tragic as it is and as badly as you feel about it, please don't blame yourself. Once a person is 18, they can legally undergo whatever medical transition treatments they want. Please don't feel like it's anything you've "allowed." In fact, many of us find that our kids dig their heels in harder and deeper when a parent tries to prevent their child from medicalizing, even when done in the most kind, sensitve manner. Other adults, such as the child's friends, teachers, doctors and therapists encourage medicalization and facilitiate it very quickly, while parents are vilified for expressing doubts and asking the pateint to slow down, do their own research and approach transition more cautiously.

As far as finding a parent support group, this board offers informal online support and we are happy to have you, though sad you have reason to join. The organization Parents of ROGD Kids can connect you with others in your area. Go to this link:  https://www.parentsofrogdkids.com/  and follow the prompts to join. Do keep in mind that this organization is run be a couple of parents who are volunteers, so please be patient when waiting to hear that your membership has been approved.

Best wishes and welcome to the board. You are not alone.

Thank you so much, Marge. Your message means alot to me. When you've gotten to know me a bit better, I have technology skills and would be like to help run the website. Spent 20 years in academic ed tech.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 28-Feb-2023, 06:15 PM
(28-Feb-2023, 01:49 PM)mollyr Wrote: Good morning, I just joined this board. I'm in Massachusetts. My daughter went on hormones 2 years ago, which I deeply regretted. She was 20 and I couldn't stop her. We agreed to disagree. Now she/they wants top surgery. She's got a pcp and a therapist at college who have already written letters of support. I am desperate, and finding it hard to live with myself having let things get this far. So glad for this list. Would like to find Boston area parents for support.

Hi, mollyr. welcome to the board. Your account has been activated.

I'm so sorry about all of this. As tragic as it is and as badly as you feel about it, please don't blame yourself. Once a person is 18, they can legally undergo whatever medical transition treatments they want. Please don't feel like it's anything you've "allowed." In fact, many of us find that our kids dig their heels in harder and deeper when a parent tries to prevent their child from medicalizing, even when done in the most kind, sensitve manner. Other adults, such as the child's friends, teachers, doctors and therapists encourage medicalization and facilitiate it very quickly, while parents are vilified for expressing doubts and asking the pateint to slow down, do their own research and approach transition more cautiously.

As far as finding a parent support group, this board offers informal online support and we are happy to have you, though sad you have reason to join. The organization Parents of ROGD Kids can connect you with others in your area. Go to this link:  https://www.parentsofrogdkids.com/  and follow the prompts to join. Do keep in mind that this organization is run be a couple of parents who are volunteers, so please be patient when waiting to hear that your membership has been approved.

Best wishes and welcome to the board. You are not alone.
Posted by deeply-concerned - 28-Feb-2023, 01:49 PM
Good morning, I just joined this board. I'm in Massachusetts. My daughter went on hormones 2 years ago, which I deeply regretted. She was 20 and I couldn't stop her. We agreed to disagree. Now she/they wants top surgery. She's got a pcp and a therapist at college who have already written letters of support. I am desperate, and finding it hard to live with myself having let things get this far. So glad for this list. Would like to find Boston area parents for support.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 06-Jan-2023, 03:10 AM
(05-Jan-2023, 07:27 PM)SongBirdy Wrote:
(12-Oct-2017, 09:30 PM)admin Wrote: The Gender Critical Support Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

We are critical of the phenomenon of transgender youth growing at epidemic rates. 

The forum provides support for parents and families who would like a thoughtful and cautious approach to intervention for their gender dysphoric child. 

Most of the content is only visible to members of the board. This, publicly visible, forum is here to share what the board is about and provide a space for the members to have a voice.

Together, we share our stories, promote public awareness and respectful protest, and seek solutions and answers to questions. 

If you have a child who has desisted from a trans identification, your presence is especially welcome on the forum, and we hope you will join us. You can help other parents learn how to help their child resolve his or her distress without resorting to life-long medical intervention. 

There is strength in numbers. If parents find each other, we can offer each other support and know we are not alone. We can have a louder voice when speaking to schools, professionals, and policy makers. Please come find us. We look forward to seeing you there.

These personal accounts of your children all resonate with me. My daughter is now 14. She grew up loving dresses, makeup, jewelry, princesses, and everything girly. She was always so precocious, and smart, reading everything she could get her hands on and writing stories. The daughter of a single mom when she was very young (me), my daughter was always so proud of me and was a staunch "feminist," even speaking out in class, as young as 9 and 10 years old about the importance of women's rights.

At 11 yrs old, she suddenly changed her name and pronouns at school to a male name/gender. All of her teachers and peers were calling her by her new name and pronouns. The kicker of it all is that I was never notified. No one from the school thought to call me and talk to me about this at all. And this change with my child had officially taken place in the eye of the school administration for several months and I knew nothing. She was living a double life.  I uncovered all of this when I accidentally stumbled upon it, while looking through her phone one day.

She had recently joined the LGBTQ+ group at school and had made several friends with girls who identified as male and had changed their names/pronouns, as well. I quickly found that they all encouraged each other, provided transition websites on youtube, and even bullied each other by claiming that one or the other was too "cis-gender" to "pass" or even call themselves "trans." At one point last year, our daughter brought up the idea that maybe she wanted to go back to being a girl and be called by her real name at school. When we discussed it with the therapist, trying to put together a plan of action with the school, the therapist told our daughter to sit with the idea for a few weeks and think about whether she really wanted to do that. It created enough pause within her that she decided to stick with her male name and not make any changes at all. When my husband and I questioned why she decided not to move forward with changing back, she mentioned something about her fear of being called a "trender" if she did something like that, and that she wouldn't be accepted amongst her peers. The peer pressure and societal pressure to be "authentic and certain" of who they are is too much for these kids.

This has been an awful experience with doctors, therapists, and peers. Each one rushing to affirm our child's gender before she's has a chance to explore who she is. One doctor even told my daughter in front of me that she's the "gender affirming doctor" and can provide her hormone blockers when she's ready. This is when my child was 13 years old!

Our children aren't allowed to smoke, get tattoos, fight in a war, vote, drink, consent to sexual activities, and in some cases, depending upon age, drive a vehicle. The reasons for this are clear. Life altering choices aren't a good fit for children to make. Their beautiful little brains aren't finished developing. They don't have enough years under their belts to make heavy decisions based upon experience. They are still young, figuring out who they are. They are learning and growing. It's extremely unfair to put something like this in their hands. It's quite frankly child abuse to encourage or even ask children what pronouns they prefer to go by. Every child feels strange in their bodies, as they're growing up. It's a difficult rite of passage. And some children experience body image issues/depression/anxiety, etc. These children need to be treated with kindness, love, compassion, support and the ability to grow without being categorized and being labeled. These kids are being fed a message that the challenges they experience are because they are inherently broken. And are only fixable by a solution of medications and surgeries. I am sick over it. I want desperately to protect my sweet girl and all of the kids that are struggling.  I feel lost. I feel afraid for her and all of the other vulnerable children.

Hello, songbirdy, and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry for what you and your daughter are dealing with but glad you found the forum. 

You have very eloquently put into words what so many of us are thinking, feeling and going through. In the members-only area, you'll find support from like-minded parents and advice for dealing with this awful situation. Your account has been activated, so you should have access to the members-only area now. Post back if for some reason you need help accessing it.

Welcome and best wishes.
Posted by SongBirdy - 05-Jan-2023, 07:27 PM
(12-Oct-2017, 09:30 PM)admin Wrote: The Gender Critical Support Board is run for parents and families by parents and families who share the experience of coping with a child, teenager or young adult who believes she or he is transgender. 

We are critical of the phenomenon of transgender youth growing at epidemic rates. 

The forum provides support for parents and families who would like a thoughtful and cautious approach to intervention for their gender dysphoric child. 

Most of the content is only visible to members of the board. This, publicly visible, forum is here to share what the board is about and provide a space for the members to have a voice.

Together, we share our stories, promote public awareness and respectful protest, and seek solutions and answers to questions. 

If you have a child who has desisted from a trans identification, your presence is especially welcome on the forum, and we hope you will join us. You can help other parents learn how to help their child resolve his or her distress without resorting to life-long medical intervention. 

There is strength in numbers. If parents find each other, we can offer each other support and know we are not alone. We can have a louder voice when speaking to schools, professionals, and policy makers. Please come find us. We look forward to seeing you there.

These personal accounts of your children all resonate with me. My daughter is now 14. She grew up loving dresses, makeup, jewelry, princesses, and everything girly. She was always so precocious, and smart, reading everything she could get her hands on and writing stories. The daughter of a single mom when she was very young (me), my daughter was always so proud of me and was a staunch "feminist," even speaking out in class, as young as 9 and 10 years old about the importance of women's rights.

At 11 yrs old, she suddenly changed her name and pronouns at school to a male name/gender. All of her teachers and peers were calling her by her new name and pronouns. The kicker of it all is that I was never notified. No one from the school thought to call me and talk to me about this at all. And this change with my child had officially taken place in the eye of the school administration for several months and I knew nothing. She was living a double life.  I uncovered all of this when I accidentally stumbled upon it, while looking through her phone one day.

She had recently joined the LGBTQ+ group at school and had made several friends with girls who identified as male and had changed their names/pronouns, as well. I quickly found that they all encouraged each other, provided transition websites on youtube, and even bullied each other by claiming that one or the other was too "cis-gender" to "pass" or even call themselves "trans." At one point last year, our daughter brought up the idea that maybe she wanted to go back to being a girl and be called by her real name at school. When we discussed it with the therapist, trying to put together a plan of action with the school, the therapist told our daughter to sit with the idea for a few weeks and think about whether she really wanted to do that. It created enough pause within her that she decided to stick with her male name and not make any changes at all. When my husband and I questioned why she decided not to move forward with changing back, she mentioned something about her fear of being called a "trender" if she did something like that, and that she wouldn't be accepted amongst her peers. The peer pressure and societal pressure to be "authentic and certain" of who they are is too much for these kids.

This has been an awful experience with doctors, therapists, and peers. Each one rushing to affirm our child's gender before she's has a chance to explore who she is. One doctor even told my daughter in front of me that she's the "gender affirming doctor" and can provide her hormone blockers when she's ready. This is when my child was 13 years old!

Our children aren't allowed to smoke, get tattoos, fight in a war, vote, drink, consent to sexual activities, and in some cases, depending upon age, drive a vehicle. The reasons for this are clear. Life altering choices aren't a good fit for children to make. Their beautiful little brains aren't finished developing. They don't have enough years under their belts to make heavy decisions based upon experience. They are still young, figuring out who they are. They are learning and growing. It's extremely unfair to put something like this in their hands. It's quite frankly child abuse to encourage or even ask children what pronouns they prefer to go by. Every child feels strange in their bodies, as they're growing up. It's a difficult rite of passage. And some children experience body image issues/depression/anxiety, etc. These children need to be treated with kindness, love, compassion, support and the ability to grow without being categorized and being labeled. These kids are being fed a message that the challenges they experience are because they are inherently broken. And are only fixable by a solution of medications and surgeries. I am sick over it. I want desperately to protect my sweet girl and all of the kids that are struggling.  I feel lost. I feel afraid for her and all of the other vulnerable children.
Posted by Heather - 03-Jan-2023, 06:56 PM
Quote:Hello,

Our daughter told us that she is unhappy with her body and wants to take hormones and remove her breasts when she turns 18. We are still under shock and do not know what to do.
We analysed and this has been going on for about 2 years. Many similarities with what other parents have faced:
- High interest in Animes
- Too much time spent on internet: instagram, tiktok, youtube, discord (i have not seen this one mentioned on the public forum)
- Too much gaming
- Difficulty making friend at school

We discovered that she is part of an online group of friends that are thinking about transitioning. This group of 5-6 teens are from US, Singapore, Australia...

She mentioned to school counselor that she has these thought. They have referred her to a counselor specialized in helping girls transition. We knew about the therapist but we did not know that it was specialized as such. I find it "strange" that the school did not tell us about it. She only had 2 sessions so far.

After reading lots of stories on this forum and 4thwave + other websites, I think that it is imperative that we block/restrict all internet access. Already tried and faced a strong push back. I am afraid that pushing this too hard might have a big impact on her so we have no idea how to do this. I did mention to her to start doing it progressively but even that was not accepted.
I looked for help and tried to find some therapist that could get her out of her gaming/internet addiction and it feels like I am talking to a 100 years old. They have no clue that such thing exist so how could they help with the issue.

We are working on getting a therapist that we will vet. There are probably other underlying things that led to this so she needs help with that.

We are currently expats and we are thinking on going strong on this and go back home for 1 year or so and follow therapy there. In the current country, the few therapists I spoke with are on the belief that she should continue with her affirmation.

It is so frustrating to see that there is no support whatsoever for this, with so many cases around. Luckily found this forum and hope I can get some idea / guidance on how to sort it out. 

Thank you.


Welcome, new member. It sounds like you have done a lot of investigating already, and I hope what other parents have already shared here will help you get some ideas on how best to approach your situation with your daughter. Prepare to do a lot of reading, as there is a lot that parents have written about their experiences which may give you some ideas and more insights into your own relationship with your daughter and how you wish to proceed.
Posted by abulafia - 03-Jan-2023, 06:43 PM
Hello,

Our daughter told us that she is unhappy with her body and wants to take hormones and remove her breasts when she turns 18. We are still under shock and do not know what to do.
We analysed and this has been going on for about 2 years. Many similarities with what other parents have faced:
- High interest in Animes
- Too much time spent on internet: instagram, tiktok, youtube, discord (i have not seen this one mentioned on the public forum)
- Too much gaming
- Difficulty making friend at school

We discovered that she is part of an online group of friends that are thinking about transitioning. This group of 5-6 teens are from US, Singapore, Australia...

She mentioned to school counselor that she has these thought. They have referred her to a counselor specialized in helping girls transition. We knew about the therapist but we did not know that it was specialized as such. I find it "strange" that the school did not tell us about it. She only had 2 sessions so far.

After reading lots of stories on this forum and 4thwave + other websites, I think that it is imperative that we block/restrict all internet access. Already tried and faced a strong push back. I am afraid that pushing this too hard might have a big impact on her so we have no idea how to do this. I did mention to her to start doing it progressively but even that was not accepted.
I looked for help and tried to find some therapist that could get her out of her gaming/internet addiction and it feels like I am talking to a 100 years old. They have no clue that such thing exist so how could they help with the issue.

We are working on getting a therapist that we will vet. There are probably other underlying things that led to this so she needs help with that.

We are currently expats and we are thinking on going strong on this and go back home for 1 year or so and follow therapy there. In the current country, the few therapists I spoke with are on the belief that she should continue with her affirmation.

It is so frustrating to see that there is no support whatsoever for this, with so many cases around. Luckily found this forum and hope I can get some idea / guidance on how to sort it out. 

Thank you.
Posted by Heather - 31-Dec-2022, 12:19 PM
(31-Dec-2022, 04:36 AM)Bubbles Wrote: Hello 

I can't describe how I feel right now... It hit me so hard.. I always said that the only thing that can possibly break me is my children and here I am broken, torn apart. All I can think of is my beautiful baby girl, my first child. I thought I can concur the world for her instead I am falling apart. I know in my heart how wrong it is, I am terrified what else is yet to come. I just need help in finding professional help. NOT somebody who can pat her on the back and reassure that mom is crazy. There got to be a way! Where do I find help?
Hi Bubbles,

I am so sorry for your situation. If you can find a helpful therapist to help you find your own way to be resilient in the face of this thing, that will be good. It is a very difficult time to find good-quality psychiatric help. 

I encourage you to post in the members-only area, where your post is more likely to be seen and receive replies.

You can find advice here on how to make sure that you get a good therapist by asking a lot of questions before you agree to hire them; because there are a lot of not so good ones out there . . . and they can do a lot of damage, and waste a lot of your time and money too.

But, this forum also exists as a place where you can reassure yourself that you are not crazy and you are not the only one going through this crazy period of history in our cultures, and you can find some comfort in that. Some people use this forum as a place to vent their emotions, to try to explain clearly what they are experiencing, to read about the experiences of other parents and see if they can recognize patterns, to get advice from other parents whose children are further along in this horrible phase, to get news on what is happening in the wider world . . . 

Mainly, I hope you can find some comfort from knowing that you are not alone.
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