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Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 6 hours ago
(Yesterday, 06:50 PM)ConfusedParent99999 Wrote:
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
I'm new here as well and trying to figure out this site.  A while back he met a new group of friends online and then started dating a girl (yes, real girl) in another state.  Prior to that he was working out in the gym, would talk politics and was pretty conservative in that aspect.  About two years ago he went to another state to meet the girl he started dating.  then another trip (longer this time) after which he no longer would discuss politics but was still going to the gym.  Then COVID shut down the Gyms, he spent more time in the other state an two weeks ago I learned that my 23 YO biological male child came to the realization last August he was Trans but also still likes girls. Before telling us he got psychiatric consult that confirmed to him his belief. He has ZERO female characteristics, typical slob of a boy.  He claims he likes girls cloths and putting on nail polish but so far other than trying on some things my wife bought him he has done none of that (we are trying to be supportive to not push him away but we are lost).

So what 'girl' doesn't like trying on outfits, mixing and matching to try and put things together.  We've given him nail polish, but he's not attempted to put it on yet.  I don't know what to think but this doesn't strike me as a girl and then there is his sexual interests with girls so I guess he's thinks he's really a lesbian?

Meanwhile my wife and I feel like we've lost our child.  I know he's still here, he's not doing drugs (well not the recreational kind) but the heart still hurts like on some level our son has died.  Thinking over his childhood he's never expressed any interest in girl clothes, toys or anything else.  

anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to hear from other parents about if they felt this way, how did they cope?  Are their boys similar, how common is this 'lesbian transsexual' thing, anything at all that can help.

I think I'm a member now but can't seem to navigate the site and don't even know if I'll find my way back to any replies but if anyone has anything to offer, please do.


Hello, ConfusedParent99999 and welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your son's situation. You've come to the right place. There are certainly lots of parents here going through the same situation. The grief is real.

All accounts must be manually activated by a moderator before they can access the members-only area. Your account has now been activated, and once you click around a bit in the members-only forum you should be able to navigate easily once you've gotten a little more familiar with the site. This public area of the site can be confusing because it gets filled with spam posts, which are deleted, but the result is a thread full of deleted posts. I think you'll find the members-only area less confusing. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask and we can help you find your way around until you get accustomed to the site.

Welcome. You are not alone.
Posted by ConfusedParent99999 - Yesterday, 06:50 PM
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
I'm new here as well and trying to figure out this site.  A while back he met a new group of friends online and then started dating a girl (yes, real girl) in another state.  Prior to that he was working out in the gym, would talk politics and was pretty conservative in that aspect.  About two years ago he went to another state to meet the girl he started dating.  then another trip (longer this time) after which he no longer would discuss politics but was still going to the gym.  Then COVID shut down the Gyms, he spent more time in the other state an two weeks ago I learned that my 23 YO biological male child came to the realization last August he was Trans but also still likes girls. Before telling us he got psychiatric consult that confirmed to him his belief. He has ZERO female characteristics, typical slob of a boy.  He claims he likes girls cloths and putting on nail polish but so far other than trying on some things my wife bought him he has done none of that (we are trying to be supportive to not push him away but we are lost).

So what 'girl' doesn't like trying on outfits, mixing and matching to try and put things together.  We've given him nail polish, but he's not attempted to put it on yet.  I don't know what to think but this doesn't strike me as a girl and then there is his sexual interests with girls so I guess he's thinks he's really a lesbian?

Meanwhile my wife and I feel like we've lost our child.  I know he's still here, he's not doing drugs (well not the recreational kind) but the heart still hurts like on some level our son has died.  Thinking over his childhood he's never expressed any interest in girl clothes, toys or anything else.  

anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to hear from other parents about if they felt this way, how did they cope?  Are their boys similar, how common is this 'lesbian transsexual' thing, anything at all that can help.

I think I'm a member now but can't seem to navigate the site and don't even know if I'll find my way back to any replies but if anyone has anything to offer, please do.
Posted by C Jane - 25-Jan-2021, 06:38 PM
Hello. My 15 year old teenage son came out as gay before Christmas. We were completely accepting of this and he hasn’t said anything about it since, but today (prompted by an email from school saying that he hasn’t been handing in his homework whilst on lockdown) he broke down and said that he thinks he might be non binary or even trans. He said he is horribly confused- he doesn’t “think” he wants a surgical transition, or that he wants to live as a woman, but says he might at some point. I (gently) asked if he had tried cross-dressing and he said that he has not. I asked him how long he had felt this way and said for a couple of years- since puberty presumably.

He used the term skoliosexual, which in his understanding seems to mean has a sexual attraction to trans people. I again (gently) asked if he had been looking at trans porn and he said he had. I then asked him what real life attractions he has had- he told me he  had one crush on a boy (a heterosexual boy, so never disclosed his feelings) and years ago did like girls “a bit” but not now.

My conclusions so far as I can process my thoughts right now are:

- Gay or bisexual seem to me to be much more helpful ways for him to think about his sexuality. 
- He has no real life sexual experience with an actual person.
- He has been looking at porn and has confused a fantasy with a lifestyle
- He’s 15 and his hormones will be all over the place.

He knows he is loved and supported, but I’m terrified of him being drawn in by trans activists who will convince him that the only possible step is for him to transition.

In fact, he even said to me that he knows there is a diffference between biological sex and gender and that he doesn’t want to change his sex.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 25-Jan-2021, 04:04 PM
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.

Hello, Sheanna Linn, and welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear about your son's troubles. Your story sounds extremely familiar.

Your account has been activated. You are not alone.

(25-Jan-2021, 09:27 AM)YoYo Wrote: Do I have to do something to get to members area?  Desperate for some help.

Hello YoYo,

Thanks for your patience. All accounts must be manually activated by a moderator, which can take some time depending upon moderator availability.

Your account has now been activated and you now have access to all areas of the forum, including the members-only area. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it helpful.

You are not alone.
Posted by YoYo - 25-Jan-2021, 09:27 AM
Do I have to do something to get to members area? Desperate for some help.
Posted by sheana-linn - 25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM
Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>). Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 24-Jan-2021, 12:15 AM
(23-Jan-2021, 11:51 PM)Adam77 Wrote: My ex husband left when my son was 10, he was devastated and it has been a difficult 4 years. He sees his dad but has found all the changes difficult. My ex moved in with his girlfriend and her son really quickly after he left and stopped spending time with my son on his own, he struggled with that. We moved to a different area an new school for my 14yr old son.  A group of girls kind of latched on to him. He doesn't make friends easy, struggles a bit. He's not very confident. He really liked one of the girls she was cutting her self, so he starts cutting himself too, but he's telling lots of people he's doing it. Hes lost lots of weight. Stopped cutting himself when he got this girl out his head, the cutting didn't last longer than two months. Now they are telling him he's camp, my son is not camp in any way, my family are confused as to why anyone would say he is camp. Now he announced on snap chat that he's biasexual, did not tell me first, within days he is wearing eyeliner and black nail polish saying he's an Emo. He's never been with anyone. He's not listening to me. I'm finding it really hard. 14yrs I'm struggling he's still my baby. He's now saying hes a girl and he wants to be a girl. His dad is fully supporting him even referring to him as a she and called him by his girls name. I can't I don't believe that he is. I have never saw any signs of this till this past year since he's been hanging out with this group ans he has a girlfriend who also says she's biasexual. I am struggling so much with this especially because me ex is so supportive of it.

Hello Adam77,
I'm sorry to hear about all that's happening with your son and that your ex isn't questioning it like you are. This makes an already difficult situation even more so. 

Welcome to the forum. I hope you'll find it helpful. 

You are not alone.
Posted by Adam77 - 23-Jan-2021, 11:51 PM
My ex husband left when my son was 10, he was devastated and it has been a difficult 4 years. He sees his dad but has found all the changes difficult. My ex moved in with his girlfriend and her son really quickly after he left and stopped spending time with my son on his own, he struggled with that. We moved to a different area an new school for my 14yr old son.  A group of girls kind of latched on to him. He doesn't make friends easy, struggles a bit. He's not very confident. He really liked one of the girls she was cutting her self, so he starts cutting himself too, but he's telling lots of people he's doing it. Hes lost lots of weight. Stopped cutting himself when he got this girl out his head, the cutting didn't last longer than two months. Now they are telling him he's camp, my son is not camp in any way, my family are confused as to why anyone would say he is camp. Now he announced on snap chat that he's biasexual, did not tell me first, within days he is wearing eyeliner and black nail polish saying he's an Emo. He's never been with anyone. He's not listening to me. I'm finding it really hard. 14yrs I'm struggling he's still my baby. He's now saying hes a girl and he wants to be a girl. His dad is fully supporting him even referring to him as a she and called him by his girls name. I can't I don't believe that he is. I have never saw any signs of this till this past year since he's been hanging out with this group ans he has a girlfriend who also says she's biasexual. I am struggling so much with this especially because me ex is so supportive of it.
Posted by Jdmum - 16-Jan-2021, 09:03 PM
(16-Jan-2021, 06:30 PM)momofthree2021 Wrote: I'm really glad to have found this group.  I feel like the last 5 years of my life have been an emotional roller coaster and it good to read others know exactly what this is like.
When my daughter was 17, she abruptly broke up with her boyfriend of 18 months and told him she was gay.  She cut her hair short and started experimenting with relationships with girls. Before this, she was sweet, had a lot of friends and never got in any trouble.(she still never gets in trouble and is an excellent student)
Then came so many phases; the vegetarian phase, gay phase, goth phase.  She became more judgmental and irritable and only hung out with the cool LGBT kids. She went off to college and ended up rooming with a trans girl. I had no idea.  They ended up having a relationship and sex. she decided she liked that she (the roommate) had a penis too, in her words the best of both worlds. She was bisexual for the summer. fast forward to sophomore year, now she says she is transgender.
I want to be supportive, but there have been so many phases, I just don't know what to believe. She has been in therapy for 2 years and the therapist has uncovered some things. She apparently was abused by her boyfriend.
I do believe young girls becoming transgender today is a phenomenon that is growing at epidemic rates. I can't recall a single interest she had in anything masculine growing up or any time she expressed being uncomfortable as a girl.  I also think the she has had difficulty finding friends and fitting in a group and the transgender community at her school has filled this void for her.  It is cult like and encouraged by social media Tumblr etc.
I don't know where to turn and feel I will lose her.
Hi mum of three.  Once your account has been activated you will be able to access the members area where you will find a lot of parents going through the same as you x
Posted by momofthree2021 - 16-Jan-2021, 06:30 PM
I'm really glad to have found this group.  I feel like the last 5 years of my life have been an emotional roller coaster and it good to read others know exactly what this is like.
When my daughter was 17, she abruptly broke up with her boyfriend of 18 months and told him she was gay.  She cut her hair short and started experimenting with relationships with girls. Before this, she was sweet, had a lot of friends and never got in any trouble.(she still never gets in trouble and is an excellent student)
Then came so many phases; the vegetarian phase, gay phase, goth phase.  She became more judgmental and irritable and only hung out with the cool LGBT kids. She went off to college and ended up rooming with a trans girl. I had no idea.  They ended up having a relationship and sex. she decided she liked that she (the roommate) had a penis too, in her words the best of both worlds. She was bisexual for the summer. fast forward to sophomore year, now she says she is transgender.
I want to be supportive, but there have been so many phases, I just don't know what to believe. She has been in therapy for 2 years and the therapist has uncovered some things. She apparently was abused by her boyfriend.
I do believe young girls becoming transgender today is a phenomenon that is growing at epidemic rates. I can't recall a single interest she had in anything masculine growing up or any time she expressed being uncomfortable as a girl.  I also think the she has had difficulty finding friends and fitting in a group and the transgender community at her school has filled this void for her.  It is cult like and encouraged by social media Tumblr etc.
I don't know where to turn and feel I will lose her.
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