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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by Syusz01 - 06-Mar-2021, 01:46 PM
Hello,

I am happy to have found this support group.  In September of last year my 12 year old daughter told me that she was transmasculine (and wanted to be called by a male name and her pronouns were now he/him or they/them).  She informed me in a text message.  I didn't even know where to start with it.  So we had a slight conversation and after a day or 2 I showed my husband the text message (an naturally he was upset.  After all this is his little girl).  Him and I discussed it and decided to have a family meeting (I also have a 18 year old son).  I felt as though the conversation went well on how we will try to be as supportive as possible and try to use the preferred name and he/him. We also decided at this time that we would only tell a handful of people. (I have a very large family and an 81 year old mother who is set in her ways)

I know I will love my child no matter how this turns out (and no matter how hard it is on myself and my family) but the problem is I don't know how to be sure she is truly trans.  There are things that she says/does that doesn't scream boy.  She is very much still into some girl style clothing (a little on the Garth side) as well as wearing earings and some make up. 

So my question is how do we really know, and how to progress from the beginning stages to the next.

I can tell you that at her last dr's appt her pediatrician did diagnose her with depression which we are in the process of getting into therapy.  I can also tell you my child is strong willed, and very smart (high honor roll student) but part of the issue is she is pig headed and can't seem to rationalize our points of views when we discuss this matter.  I try to explain that I know I can't fully feel what she/he is going through but as a parent I need to be 100% sure this is truly what it is before we upend her/his life.  

Thank You in advance for listening to my rant and any advise on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated.
Posted by Jellymum - 06-Mar-2021, 10:41 AM
Hello everyone I am also new here. I have an 11 year old daughter who has always been a 'tom boy' or not a stereotypical girl anyway. I often wondered if she would turn out to be gay and have just supported her non typical girl style. She wears what she wants and has her hair how she wants. She joined a football team. She hangs out with the boys. It's fine and she is largely accepted in primary school for just being how she is. But het behaviour lately had been "off". I put it down to hormones and this horrendous lockdown situation (I am in the uk). But last night she burst into tears and told me she wants to be a boy. We had a cuddle and a calm chat and she agreed to just keep on as we are for the time being (she can dress like a boy and wear her hair short) but that nothing else changes for now (her name!). I said I will try and seek counselling if she wishes but I really dont want this pushed on her. She had always been so happy and joyful and she used to laugh when people called her a boy and say "girls can play sport too" or "girls dont have to wear dresses" and I used to say she can be who she wants to be and the world needs strong women...now I'm devastated that I've "caused" this. I have asked her has she been following gender queer social media but she says no. To make things a bit harder her step mums sister recently transitioned medically and is now identifying as Male. I'm so upset and confused and alone. I dont want to talk to her dad just yet he is a bit bloody useless if I'm honest. Hoping to get my account verified soon.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 12-Feb-2021, 02:16 PM
(12-Feb-2021, 03:34 AM)Lisa_E Wrote: I have a 14 yo daughter who is witty, smart, beautiful and has always suffered from FOMO (fear of missing out). We live in Ontario Canada (near Toronto) and have been in pandemic lockdown since March 2020. Our family has gone through drastic changes since 2016 (divorce, two house moves, job loss (dad), girlfriends, job changes, and ... puberty!). Summer 2020 she comes out as bi-sexual. Fall 2020 ... she starts insisting that she cuts her hair shorter and shorter. Winter 2020/2021 she comes out as trans. This is happening all so fast. She is the kid who fights for the underdog and would be burning her bra if we were in 1960. She is (IMO) not trans but rather... lonely, wanting, needing... feeling lost and disconnected. She is acting as though she is in a cult and drinking the kool aid by the gallon. She wants desperately to be the 'cool' kid... the outrageous one... the brave one... the one that is a bit different and gets the attention she desires. But is looking for affirmation in all the wrong places. Is there any other parent in the Toronto area that has or is dealing with this? While I don't believe she is trans and I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe she is trans... she would rather save face and do something crazy (b/c she's 14) than admit she might not be. At this point I feel like we are in a game of chicken or go and it's about saving face. Has anyone else experienced this as well?  My end goal.. to keep her safe, healthy and her options OPEN!

Hello and welcome. Your account has been activated. I'm sorry to hear about all you and your daughter are dealing with. You'll find support in the members-only area from plenty of like-minded parents who are dealing with similar situations. Welcome. You are not alone and your story will sound familiar to many.
Posted by Lisa_E - 12-Feb-2021, 03:34 AM
I have a 14 yo daughter who is witty, smart, beautiful and has always suffered from FOMO (fear of missing out). We live in Ontario Canada (near Toronto) and have been in pandemic lockdown since March 2020. Our family has gone through drastic changes since 2016 (divorce, two house moves, job loss (dad), girlfriends, job changes, and ... puberty!). Summer 2020 she comes out as bi-sexual. Fall 2020 ... she starts insisting that she cuts her hair shorter and shorter. Winter 2020/2021 she comes out as trans. This is happening all so fast. She is the kid who fights for the underdog and would be burning her bra if we were in 1960. She is (IMO) not trans but rather... lonely, wanting, needing... feeling lost and disconnected. She is acting as though she is in a cult and drinking the kool aid by the gallon. She wants desperately to be the 'cool' kid... the outrageous one... the brave one... the one that is a bit different and gets the attention she desires. But is looking for affirmation in all the wrong places. Is there any other parent in the Toronto area that has or is dealing with this? While I don't believe she is trans and I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe she is trans... she would rather save face and do something crazy (b/c she's 14) than admit she might not be. At this point I feel like we are in a game of chicken or go and it's about saving face. Has anyone else experienced this as well?  My end goal.. to keep her safe, healthy and her options OPEN!
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 29-Jan-2021, 09:42 PM
(29-Jan-2021, 09:14 PM)marathoner Wrote: Hello. Our family is going through what so many others are going through. Hoping to get activated soon to be able to access the members only areas of the site. Thank you so much.

Hello and welcome. Your account has been activated. I'm sorry to hear you're joining our ranks, but glad you found the site and hope you find it helpful.
Posted by marathoner - 29-Jan-2021, 09:14 PM
Hello. Our family is going through what so many others are going through. Hoping to get activated soon to be able to access the members only areas of the site. Thank you so much.
Posted by ConfusedParent99999 - 27-Jan-2021, 07:02 AM
(27-Jan-2021, 12:48 AM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote:
(26-Jan-2021, 06:50 PM)ConfusedParent99999 Wrote:
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
I'm new here as well and trying to figure out this site.  A while back he met a new group of friends online and then started dating a girl (yes, real girl) in another state.  Prior to that he was working out in the gym, would talk politics and was pretty conservative in that aspect.  About two years ago he went to another state to meet the girl he started dating.  then another trip (longer this time) after which he no longer would discuss politics but was still going to the gym.  Then COVID shut down the Gyms, he spent more time in the other state an two weeks ago I learned that my 23 YO biological male child came to the realization last August he was Trans but also still likes girls. Before telling us he got psychiatric consult that confirmed to him his belief. He has ZERO female characteristics, typical slob of a boy.  He claims he likes girls cloths and putting on nail polish but so far other than trying on some things my wife bought him he has done none of that (we are trying to be supportive to not push him away but we are lost).

So what 'girl' doesn't like trying on outfits, mixing and matching to try and put things together.  We've given him nail polish, but he's not attempted to put it on yet.  I don't know what to think but this doesn't strike me as a girl and then there is his sexual interests with girls so I guess he's thinks he's really a lesbian?

Meanwhile my wife and I feel like we've lost our child.  I know he's still here, he's not doing drugs (well not the recreational kind) but the heart still hurts like on some level our son has died.  Thinking over his childhood he's never expressed any interest in girl clothes, toys or anything else.  

anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to hear from other parents about if they felt this way, how did they cope?  Are their boys similar, how common is this 'lesbian transsexual' thing, anything at all that can help.

I think I'm a member now but can't seem to navigate the site and don't even know if I'll find my way back to any replies but if anyone has anything to offer, please do.


Hello, ConfusedParent99999 and welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your son's situation. You've come to the right place. There are certainly lots of parents here going through the same situation. The grief is real.

All accounts must be manually activated by a moderator before they can access the members-only area. Your account has now been activated, and once you click around a bit in the members-only forum you should be able to navigate easily once you've gotten a little more familiar with the site. This public area of the site can be confusing because it gets filled with spam posts, which are deleted, but the result is a thread full of deleted posts. I think you'll find the members-only area less confusing. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask and we can help you find your way around until you get accustomed to the site.

Welcome. You are not alone.
Thank you
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Jan-2021, 12:48 AM
(26-Jan-2021, 06:50 PM)ConfusedParent99999 Wrote:
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
I'm new here as well and trying to figure out this site.  A while back he met a new group of friends online and then started dating a girl (yes, real girl) in another state.  Prior to that he was working out in the gym, would talk politics and was pretty conservative in that aspect.  About two years ago he went to another state to meet the girl he started dating.  then another trip (longer this time) after which he no longer would discuss politics but was still going to the gym.  Then COVID shut down the Gyms, he spent more time in the other state an two weeks ago I learned that my 23 YO biological male child came to the realization last August he was Trans but also still likes girls. Before telling us he got psychiatric consult that confirmed to him his belief. He has ZERO female characteristics, typical slob of a boy.  He claims he likes girls cloths and putting on nail polish but so far other than trying on some things my wife bought him he has done none of that (we are trying to be supportive to not push him away but we are lost).

So what 'girl' doesn't like trying on outfits, mixing and matching to try and put things together.  We've given him nail polish, but he's not attempted to put it on yet.  I don't know what to think but this doesn't strike me as a girl and then there is his sexual interests with girls so I guess he's thinks he's really a lesbian?

Meanwhile my wife and I feel like we've lost our child.  I know he's still here, he's not doing drugs (well not the recreational kind) but the heart still hurts like on some level our son has died.  Thinking over his childhood he's never expressed any interest in girl clothes, toys or anything else.  

anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to hear from other parents about if they felt this way, how did they cope?  Are their boys similar, how common is this 'lesbian transsexual' thing, anything at all that can help.

I think I'm a member now but can't seem to navigate the site and don't even know if I'll find my way back to any replies but if anyone has anything to offer, please do.


Hello, ConfusedParent99999 and welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your son's situation. You've come to the right place. There are certainly lots of parents here going through the same situation. The grief is real.

All accounts must be manually activated by a moderator before they can access the members-only area. Your account has now been activated, and once you click around a bit in the members-only forum you should be able to navigate easily once you've gotten a little more familiar with the site. This public area of the site can be confusing because it gets filled with spam posts, which are deleted, but the result is a thread full of deleted posts. I think you'll find the members-only area less confusing. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask and we can help you find your way around until you get accustomed to the site.

Welcome. You are not alone.
Posted by ConfusedParent99999 - 26-Jan-2021, 06:50 PM
(25-Jan-2021, 04:41 AM)sheana-linn Wrote: Hello, I am new here. I recently discovered that my gaming addicted (discord/twitter user) son identifies as a girl, trans MTF. He uses an anime avatar on his social media accounts, and after all my research this weekend, I see the correlation there. He doesn't know that I know, because I came across this discovery by my own resourcefulness. He has sunken into a deep depression over the last year, and he claims not to sleep, says his mind won't stop which causes the insomnia. He hasn't mentioned being depressed, but a mother knows. I limit the games when i can, but am not always home, and my boys are at their father's half the time, so.....They will always find a way to get online anyway. He goes by a female name he has chosen for himself. I'm just so grateful I found this forum, by way of 4thWaveNow blog (also so grateful for). This was after two days of crying and coming to a form of acceptance that I would have a daughter (who ironically likes girls acccording to the conversations he has with his online trans friends <shakes head>).  Anyway, just saying hello and looking for more learning and support here.
I'm new here as well and trying to figure out this site.  A while back he met a new group of friends online and then started dating a girl (yes, real girl) in another state.  Prior to that he was working out in the gym, would talk politics and was pretty conservative in that aspect.  About two years ago he went to another state to meet the girl he started dating.  then another trip (longer this time) after which he no longer would discuss politics but was still going to the gym.  Then COVID shut down the Gyms, he spent more time in the other state an two weeks ago I learned that my 23 YO biological male child came to the realization last August he was Trans but also still likes girls. Before telling us he got psychiatric consult that confirmed to him his belief. He has ZERO female characteristics, typical slob of a boy.  He claims he likes girls cloths and putting on nail polish but so far other than trying on some things my wife bought him he has done none of that (we are trying to be supportive to not push him away but we are lost).

So what 'girl' doesn't like trying on outfits, mixing and matching to try and put things together.  We've given him nail polish, but he's not attempted to put it on yet.  I don't know what to think but this doesn't strike me as a girl and then there is his sexual interests with girls so I guess he's thinks he's really a lesbian?

Meanwhile my wife and I feel like we've lost our child.  I know he's still here, he's not doing drugs (well not the recreational kind) but the heart still hurts like on some level our son has died.  Thinking over his childhood he's never expressed any interest in girl clothes, toys or anything else.  

anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to hear from other parents about if they felt this way, how did they cope?  Are their boys similar, how common is this 'lesbian transsexual' thing, anything at all that can help.

I think I'm a member now but can't seem to navigate the site and don't even know if I'll find my way back to any replies but if anyone has anything to offer, please do.
Posted by C Jane - 25-Jan-2021, 06:38 PM
Hello. My 15 year old teenage son came out as gay before Christmas. We were completely accepting of this and he hasn’t said anything about it since, but today (prompted by an email from school saying that he hasn’t been handing in his homework whilst on lockdown) he broke down and said that he thinks he might be non binary or even trans. He said he is horribly confused- he doesn’t “think” he wants a surgical transition, or that he wants to live as a woman, but says he might at some point. I (gently) asked if he had tried cross-dressing and he said that he has not. I asked him how long he had felt this way and said for a couple of years- since puberty presumably.

He used the term skoliosexual, which in his understanding seems to mean has a sexual attraction to trans people. I again (gently) asked if he had been looking at trans porn and he said he had. I then asked him what real life attractions he has had- he told me he  had one crush on a boy (a heterosexual boy, so never disclosed his feelings) and years ago did like girls “a bit” but not now.

My conclusions so far as I can process my thoughts right now are:

- Gay or bisexual seem to me to be much more helpful ways for him to think about his sexuality. 
- He has no real life sexual experience with an actual person.
- He has been looking at porn and has confused a fantasy with a lifestyle
- He’s 15 and his hormones will be all over the place.

He knows he is loved and supported, but I’m terrified of him being drawn in by trans activists who will convince him that the only possible step is for him to transition.

In fact, he even said to me that he knows there is a diffference between biological sex and gender and that he doesn’t want to change his sex.
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