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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 6 hours ago
(9 hours ago)Live Wrote: I'm new here and am having difficulties just navigating the forum.
My son just told us a week ago that he was 'trans'. I didn't even know what it meant. How my husband and I are desperate to find a counselor that will not use an affirmation approach and a doctor who would discourage or refuse hormone therapy without proper counsel... Our son in s 18, in his Sr year, and waited until his 18th birthday to tell us.  PLease, are there therapists near Oconomowoc Wisconsin that anyone can recommend?

Hello, Live.

Welcome to the forum. You account has been activated and you now have access to the members-only area. I invite you to post your query there, as forum members don't always see the posts in this public area.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he will put off making any big decisions until he has undergone therapy and given his situation much consideration.

You are not alone.
Posted by Live - 9 hours ago
I'm new here and am having difficulties just navigating the forum.
My son just told us a week ago that he was 'trans'. I didn't even know what it meant. How my husband and I are desperate to find a counselor that will not use an affirmation approach and a doctor who would discourage or refuse hormone therapy without proper counsel... Our son in s 18, in his Sr year, and waited until his 18th birthday to tell us. PLease, are there therapists near Oconomowoc Wisconsin that anyone can recommend?
Posted by brown555 - 27-Nov-2020, 08:57 PM
(27-Nov-2020, 01:22 AM)Batman-n-robin Wrote: My daughter has come out as transgender rather suddenly over a letter, she was never like this as a child. She’s 18, at university that’s several hours away from home, and I find sickening that she waited until we had paid for everything and then come out. She changed her name behind our back, and I can’t bare the thought of whether she’s gone through with any of the surgeries or chemicals yet. It’s deeply saddening. I’d love to read accounts from other parents so I know I’m not alone in this.
Hello, you are not alone. We are here and can uniquely understand what you are going through.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Nov-2020, 03:19 PM
(27-Nov-2020, 01:22 AM)Batman-n-robin Wrote: My daughter has come out as transgender rather suddenly over a letter, she was never like this as a child. She’s 18, at university that’s several hours away from home, and I find sickening that she waited until we had paid for everything and then come out. She changed her name behind our back, and I can’t bare the thought of whether she’s gone through with any of the surgeries or chemicals yet. It’s deeply saddening. I’d love to read accounts from other parents so I know I’m not alone in this mess.

Hello Batman-n-robin. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Your account has been activated. You'll find lots of parents here in similar situations. We offer each other support and try our best to keep up with the latest developments on this subject.

Welcome to the board. You are not alone.
Posted by Batman-n-robin - 27-Nov-2020, 01:22 AM
My daughter has come out as transgender rather suddenly over a letter, she was never like this as a child. She’s 18, at university that’s several hours away from home, and I find sickening that she waited until we had paid for everything and then come out. She changed her name behind our back, and I can’t bare the thought of whether she’s gone through with any of the surgeries or chemicals yet. It’s deeply saddening. I’d love to read accounts from other parents so I know I’m not alone in this mess.
Posted by - 26-Nov-2020, 01:42 PM
thx much for the invitation :).
PS: How are you? I am from France :) very good forum :) mixx
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 24-Nov-2020, 03:14 PM
[quote pid='43495' dateline='1605973712']
I'm nearly in tears reading these stories and worried for my daughter.
She has always feminine; dresses, hair, earings etc but happy to do anything - climb trees, get muddy etc.  She is 13 years old and in a group of friends where they encourage each other to be LGBTQ - Straight, cis is just dull.
Several months ago she announced she was gender fluid, but I refused to go along and said she had to experiment a whole lot more before deciding on her gender. This morning she had a melt down as I still refuse to use gender neutral pronouns. I don't believe she's gender fluid, but don't want to ruin our relationship let alone have her going down the self-harm route because I'm not supporting her.

3 years ago she announced she was muslim and took 2 1/2 years to change her mind.  I don't want to be held to this for so long. Which route do I take - accept and go along, although it doesn't seem to make her happy, or continue to resist?
[/quote]

Hello guest,

Your story is so very familiar. You've hit the nail on the head that being "cis" or "straight" or the dreaded "cisheteronormative" is considered much too dull by many kids today. In some of these kids' minds, taking on a trans/queer identity is just the ticket to set them apart and maybe even garner them some extra attention or special treatment.

Regarding advice for handling this, you are in a tricky position, because using your daughter's requested pronouns can help cement her new identity and make it more difficult for her to desist, but refusing to use them can drive a wedge between the two of you. Because she is so young and has a history of this kind of thing, I recommend against using the pronouns. Your daughter is young enough that you can tell her she is too young for labels of any kind and that her identity will be constantly evolving for the next decade or more. She is simply too young to know what she will be like in 10 or 15 years. She should avoid labels at all costs at this point in her life.

I encourage you to register an account here and post your questions in the members-only area, as this public area of the forum doesn't get too much traffic from forum members. Other members will have more and better advice. Additionally, the members-only area has around three years' worth of threads containing information, resources and advice for your perusal.

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 23-Nov-2020, 05:40 PM
[quote pid='43531' dateline='1606114021']
I am in a similar situation but even harder because my son is 23 and away in grad school.  He waited until he was at out-of-state college for the first time to tell us.  We too cry every day and are desperate.  We cannot just take away phone and electronics because he does not live with us.  He won't even come home for christmas or thanksgiving because of "covid" he says.  A therapist took 3 short sessions to tell him he has "gender dyshporia".  We just found out he is seeing a psychiatrist and already on hormones which were given to him in one visit by an endocrinologist.  We feel like we are in a nightmare.  This beautiful boy now has let his hair grow and he looks like a crazy person.  He also now has little boobs. We are so sad and feel so helpless.  I found on kelseycoalition.org lots of good information, but where do we turn for help?  There was a testimonial of someone who saw a therapist through skype in UK and that therapist said "no gender dysphoria" for the child and that helped turn the child around.  I think if any real psychologist/therapist took the time to evaluate my son and try to get to the root of the problem, they too would say "no gender dysphoria" just depression.  Who can we turn to for help? We just pray.  Please advise.
Thanks!
[/quote]

Hello, guest. I'm sorry to hear what you're dealing with and that your son has been prescribed hormones without proper investigation into his thought process and mental health.

I invite you to register and join our support board so that you may read and post in the members-only area. This public portion of the forum does not get much traffic from our members. You'll receive more support and more responses if you post your story in the members-only area. To join, you do not need to use your real name or any identifying information. To ensure your privacy, choose a screen name that does not reveal your identity. You do need an email address to join; your email will never be visible on the forum but for your peace of mind you can always join with an anonymous email, as well.

I do hope you will join. You'll find a community of parents you'll be able to converse with, who are in similar situations to yours.
Posted by - 23-Nov-2020, 06:47 AM
I am in a similar situation but even harder because my son is 23 and away in grad school.  He waited until he was at out-of-state college for the first time to tell us.  We too cry every day and are desperate.  We cannot just take away phone and electronics because he does not live with us.  He won't even come home for christmas or thanksgiving because of "covid" he says.  A therapist took 3 short sessions to tell him he has "gender dyshporia".  We just found out he is seeing a psychiatrist and already on hormones which were given to him in one visit by an endocrinologist.  We feel like we are in a nightmare.  This beautiful boy now has let his hair grow and he looks like a crazy person.  He also now has little boobs. We are so sad and feel so helpless.  I found on kelseycoalition.org lots of good information, but where do we turn for help?  There was a testimonial of someone who saw a therapist through skype in UK and that therapist said "no gender dysphoria" for the child and that helped turn the child around.  I think if any real psychologist/therapist took the time to evaluate my son and try to get to the root of the problem, they too would say "no gender dysphoria" just depression.  Who can we turn to for help? We just pray.  Please advise.
Thanks!
Posted by - 21-Nov-2020, 03:48 PM
I'm nearly in tears reading these stories and worried for my daughter.
She has always feminine; dresses, hair, earings etc but happy to do anything - climb trees, get muddy etc. She is 13 years old and in a group of friends where they encourage each other to be LGBTQ - Straight, cis is just dull.
Several months ago she announced she was gender fluid, but I refused to go along and said she had to experiment a whole lot more before deciding on her gender. This morning she had a melt down as I still refuse to use gender neutral pronouns. I don't believe she's gender fluid, but don't want to ruin our relationship let alone have her going down the self-harm route because I'm not supporting her.

3 years ago she announced she was muslim and took 2 1/2 years to change her mind. I don't want to be held to this for so long. Which route do I take - accept and go along, although it doesn't seem to make her happy, or continue to resist?
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