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Thread Review (Newest First)
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 11-Sep-2019, 06:08 PM
Hi WorriedMother. Your story sounds very familiar. Your account is now activated and you have access to the members-only boards. Welcome.
Posted by WorriedMother - 11-Sep-2019, 01:54 PM
Hello, I'm hoping that I can get help with my daughter 14 year old daughter that just last week told me she thinks she is trans.  Sorry I had to edit this because I didn't realize how much info I provided that could identify me. Thanks
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 27-Aug-2019, 12:22 AM
Hello and welcome to hismom and stratocast23. Your accounts have been activated. Welcome to the forum. I hope you'll find it helpful.
Posted by hismom - 26-Aug-2019, 08:46 PM
Hi Alice, you are not alone. Our 16 yr old son told us he was transgender in February, after telling us he was bisexual last August. Its been a long 6 months as I've tried to learn everything I can about this. Like you, I doubt he is transgender but he has completely bought into this new identity. I too feel like I am in wonderland or bizarro-land or somewhere other than the real world. I just discovered this board (it was recommended on another GC site that I follow) and hope to join the discussion soon. Sad to see that so many of us are struggling with this but relieved to know I'm not alone.
Posted by stratocast23 - 26-Aug-2019, 03:30 AM
Hello, I'm a parent whose child has recently told us he is trans after an entire chlidhood with zero symptoms of dysphoria whatsoever. Would love my account to be activated and would love access to the members only forum. Thank you.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 25-Aug-2019, 03:35 AM
Hello Alice, and welcome. I do believe you have come to the right place. We are a group of parents who love our kids and want to support them in every way that is beneficial and appropriate, but we (in general) do not think that transition or sex change is a decision that should be made so young, especially when for many of our kids it seems there are underlying issues or outside influences at play, affecting our kids' desires to be the opposite sex. We also are wary of the physical harms and dangers associated with transition drugs and surgeries.

Your account has been activated. Thanks for your patience.
Posted by Alice in Wonderland - 24-Aug-2019, 07:59 PM
Hi. I'm hoping to have found a like-minded place. Our delightful 14.5 year old son announced to us at breakfast yesterday and out of the blue that he feels he is a girl, would like us to use female pronouns and call him our daughter. I never saw this coming, and I am not proud of how I am reacting to it. I do not wish to shame him, to invalidate his experience, to try to convince him of something that isn't true inside him. But I cannot help being skeptical. I've been completely distracted by this since he told us, and don't know what to do. I spent most of the day yesterday trying to just be at peace with it, telling myself there is nothing I can do. My husband and I talked about finding a therapist who will help us all navigate this transition, but then we woke up this morning and asked ourselves, what if we just told him no, this is not how we see you? Would it just drive him away from us?
Today we had another conversation with our son. I asked him when he says he feels like he's a girl, what does that look like, or feel like? He was unable to articulate it, and I asked him what it looks like or feels like to be a boy--also unable to articulate it. I told him he has given us a lot to think about in the past 24 hours, that I am supportive of whoever he is, but I don't believe it is the right approach to apply the label and make the sudden pronouncement first, when he hasn't sorted out his own feelings. He doesn't understand the ramifications of this, and he hasn't explored what gender identity means to him at all. He's 14; that's still a CHILD!
I feel like a terrible parent. I am not unsupportive of transgender people; I think we should have gender free bathrooms, trans adults should serve in the military and in Congress, and should be treated with dignity and respect. 
And this is not me saying it's fine for others, just not for my child. I am fully supportive of him trying on female behaviors and female presentations. If he wants to start wearing dresses and makeup and growing his hair long, or whatever, I am on board. But can we just not call it transgender yet? There is a very broad spectrum of what a male can be like, and he might be somewhere on that, rather than pronouncing himself female and taking whatever extraordinary measures he might take to complete that transition.
My membership is not activated yet, so I look forward to reading more on here, and hopefully finding support.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 06-Aug-2019, 10:26 PM
Hi Looking in the Tunnel,

Your account has been activated. Please join us in the members-only area where you will likely receive a larger response to your questions. 

Welcome. You are not alone.
Posted by Looking_in_the_tunnel - 06-Aug-2019, 08:29 PM
Hey all, my daughter said to me that she is male, she is 14 now and told me last year.I initially  told her I heard  her and did not mention it again. Till recently  Ibhad to take away all her gadgets and she had a total breakdown and said she was lonely  and had no friends.  I see now that their is a problem  her friends live in her phone. I have her choosen name which is male and was trying to use it but I don't believe  she is male at all. I tried to affirm her but I need to learn how to help her. She said she has felt this way since she was 11. She has a boy cut now, dresses in baggy clothes. I am going to take her to gp but need to find a cousellor in this country whom is not affirming.  I need support  other than my spouse whom is on the same page as me. She is gifted, academically and is a stunner... I am desperate for any guidance.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 02-Aug-2019, 09:59 PM
[quote pid='31157' dateline='1564774959']
I am new to this forum. I read the article parents trust your gut night gender therapist and I would love to find out what the parent did or how that’s parent supported their child to get their child to realize that it was just a phase.
[/quote]

Hello, guest, and welcome.

Please register as a member and you will have access to our members-only forum, which has much more information than this public portion of the forum. To register, click on the word "register" in the black bar at the top of the page. For your privacy, choose a user name which does not reveal any information about you.

You will also need an email address to register. Your email address will never be shown on the forum, but you may choose to use an anonymous email, if you prefer.

All memberships are manually activated by a moderator, so once you join, it may take a few hours or overnight before your account is activated and you have access to the full forum.

As far as the "listening to your gut" article on 4thwavenow, it has been awhile since I have read that article, so I'm not entirely familiar with the story. In general, the approach taken by most parents on this forum, is rather than immediately affirm the child as trans, to instead work on the child's issues other than their trans identity. Many of our kids are dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, autism/Aspergers, homosexuality, trauma from bullying, sexual assault or a death or divorce in the family. Many of them also seem to be thoroughly influenced and indoctrinated by online communities which glorify mental illness and transgenderism, and have little tolerance for those who do not 100% play by the "rules" of transgender ideology.

We also typically encourage our kids to slow things down as far as transition goes, stay busy, get in touch with the arts and nature, appreciate and use their bodies physically, limit time online, avoid certain online sites, socialize with people face-to-face rather than online, contribute to their home and family life, etc. We love and support our kids in every way possible other than telling them we believe they are the opposite sex, can become the opposite sex, should have been born be the opposite sex, have the wrong body, etc. We acknowledge their feelings of dysphoria but let them know their fantasies of "everything will be great once I transition" are unrealistic. We encourage them to wait until at least age 25 (when the human brain typically has fully matured) before undergoing any permanent body modifications.

We encourage psychotherapy to work on these issues when possible. I say "when possible" because it is extremely difficult to find a therapist who will not immediately affirm the child as trans complete with recommending a new name, new pronouns, and very quickly after social transition, medical transition. Gender therapists are just about guaranteed to put a child on a fast-track to transition, so the general advice is to stay as far away as gender therapists as possible. 

Some of our kids have psychiatrists who use medication to help them with their anxiety, ADHD, OCD, depression and other issues, with varying levels of success.

Time also sometimes helps; some of our kids who suddenly claimed to be trans as teens or tweens have outgrown the desire to be the opposite sex after a few years, with some taking more time than others.

Every case is different and there are many, many variables and levels of success. 

I encourage you to join the forum as what I have written here is very, very abbreviated. There is much, much more information in the members-only area.

Best wishes. Hope to see you "inside."
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