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Posted by - 21-Mar-2020, 07:54 AM
(02-Mar-2020, 04:58 PM)143mykid Wrote: I am looking for a therapist for my teen girl who has socially transitioned FTM.  I know there are underlying issues with her body that she is trying to escape and she is currently in a protective bubble in a school with a community of other ftm. I am in the New England area. Anyone have any luck in finding a traditional therapist in this area? Any help in this endeavor will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 09-Mar-2020, 01:04 AM
Hi Tinaar,

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband as well as what your daughter is going through. So many of our kids have some sort of grief or trauma they are dealing with. I believe you are spot on with your observation that her desire to be trans likely stems from her grief. Add in the changes of puberty and a "brave" friend who is making trans look like an attractive answer to life's problems, and that could be more than enough to send a kid wishing for her own new identity, her own transformation into someone strong and brave and different.

Your account has been activated. Welcome.

Welcome.
Posted by Tinaar - 08-Mar-2020, 09:55 PM
The story of my daughter seemingly over a months time of meeting a trans boy, she tells me she is trans. I truly believe since there was no showing of this ever before that this is unresolved grief. Her dad, my husband died almost 2 yrs ago. She is depressed, anxious and hates the changes her body is going through. I hate to see her so sad. I have tried several therapists for her and am currently waiting for a certain therapist to call me back. I need help as the sole working parent. I can’t keep it all afloat. I am anxiously awaiting approval to get access to the private forums. Anyone in Southern CA here?
Posted by Jdmum - 05-Mar-2020, 09:03 PM
(05-Mar-2020, 07:53 PM)BlueMom Wrote: I'm shaking as as write this. How did I end up here? And at the same time I'm so comforted that I'm not alone - so many parents going through the same thing... and I'm relieved to have found this forum... 

My beautiful 16-year old daughter has suddenly decided she is transgender - and like so many others - it is completely out of the blue. There have been no signs, no indications that she has ever wanting to be a boy. She has never been a tomboy, never dressed like a boy, never played like a boy, never expressed anything at anytime that would indicate that she is a boy. And like so many others - she "just knows" and "my friends agree too" and "you don't know me". 8 months ago she went from having a serious crush on a male schoolmate to having a girlfriend. And again - nothing has indicated she was bisexual. We have always been close, spending a lot of time together, talking until now. She has closed us out, "we don't understand" and of course all her information comes from numerous YouTube videos and now TikTok. I'm absolutely terrified she will act on her self-diagnosis and be able to find a random free clinic and get access to hormones. And I know she (and me and my husband) needs professional help and guidance  - and I'm frantically screening therapists to find someone who is not all about affirmation of a 16-year old's current mood which seems to be the mainstream response to this today. How do you find an old-school therapist who can guide her through this... 

We have realized we have just started a long marathon with an unknown ending. Just when we thought we were at the end of active parenting with only one year left of high school. I guess it's time to start running. Deep breath.... [Image: heart.png]
BlueMom

You are certainly not alone in all of this.  Once you have your account activated you’ll be able to access the forums & get lots of help & advice x
Posted by BlueMom - 05-Mar-2020, 07:53 PM
I'm shaking as as write this. How did I end up here? And at the same time I'm so comforted that I'm not alone - so many parents going through the same thing... and I'm relieved to have found this forum... 

My beautiful 16-year old daughter has suddenly decided she is transgender - and like so many others - it is completely out of the blue. There have been no signs, no indications that she has ever wanting to be a boy. She has never been a tomboy, never dressed like a boy, never played like a boy, never expressed anything at anytime that would indicate that she is a boy. And like so many others - she "just knows" and "my friends agree too" and "you don't know me". 8 months ago she went from having a serious crush on a male schoolmate to having a girlfriend. And again - nothing has indicated she was bisexual. We have always been close, spending a lot of time together, talking until now. She has closed us out, "we don't understand" and of course all her information comes from numerous YouTube videos and now TikTok. I'm absolutely terrified she will act on her self-diagnosis and be able to find a random free clinic and get access to hormones. And I know she (and me and my husband) needs professional help and guidance  - and I'm frantically screening therapists to find someone who is not all about affirmation of a 16-year old's current mood which seems to be the mainstream response to this today. How do you find an old-school therapist who can guide her through this... 

We have realized we have just started a long marathon with an unknown ending. Just when we thought we were at the end of active parenting with only one year left of high school. I guess it's time to start running. Deep breath.... [Image: heart.png]
Posted by 143mykid - 02-Mar-2020, 04:58 PM
I am looking for a therapist for my teen girl who has socially transitioned FTM.  I know there are underlying issues with her body that she is trying to escape and she is currently in a protective bubble in a school with a community of other ftm. I am in the New England area. Anyone have any luck in finding a traditional therapist in this area? Any help in this endeavor will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Posted by Beaten down after 6 years - 17-Feb-2020, 09:34 AM
(15-Feb-2020, 12:23 PM)Solace Wrote: I am so happy that this forum exists!! My daughter has decided she is trans. Here in my city the medical “professionals” just push kids right through to the hormone shots and surgery. There is practically no psychological therapy at all. 

My daughter came out after wanting to commit suicide as she was molested by her paternal grand father. We had some mental health crisis workers come out, police were brought in and we pressed charges. We also had to move as we shared a semi detached. Shortly after her friends came out she did too. 

My husband supports her through guilt. His father molested our daughter so he is standing with her. 

I am alone. Our medical system gave her free testosterone, free needles and now a soon to happen free top surgery. 

My gut instinct is saying this is all because my daughter was sexually abused but I have no say as I have been locked out of the process. 

At least I am not alone

Thanks 


Solace

Solace, please watch this - she talks about sexual abuse as her (wrong) reason for wanting to transition.  Maybe your daughter will watch? 

https://youtu.be/SLewBHur61Q
Posted by Beaten down after 6 years - 17-Feb-2020, 09:24 AM
(15-Feb-2020, 12:23 PM)Solace Wrote: I am so happy that this forum exists!! My daughter has decided she is trans. Here in my city the medical “professionals” just push kids right through to the hormone shots and surgery. There is practically no psychological therapy at all. 

My daughter came out after wanting to commit suicide as she was molested by her paternal grand father. We had some mental health crisis workers come out, police were brought in and we pressed charges. We also had to move as we shared a semi detached. Shortly after her friends came out she did too. 

My husband supports her through guilt. His father molested our daughter so he is standing with her. 

I am alone. Our medical system gave her free testosterone, free needles and now a soon to happen free top surgery. 

My gut instinct is saying this is all because my daughter was sexually abused but I have no say as I have been locked out of the process. 

At least I am not alone

Thanks 


Solace

I am so sorry for all that your daughter - and you - have gone through so much. There is a lot of evidence to link trauma to the to transition.  I don't have it handy, but google it and also look up (and show her and your husband) the recent video from Tyler, a trans man who after 6 years has come to the realization that he wanted to be male as a way to feel safe after he was sexually violated.  I am not paraphrasing his story well - but go to Youtube and type "Tyler detransition" he is amazingly articulate.  Good luck. What you are going through must be so hard. If you cant find these resources DM me.
Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 15-Feb-2020, 03:44 PM
Solace, I am so sorry.

Your membership has now been activated and yes, I would be happy to move your post to the members-only area for your privacy and to lessen the chances of family members who may recognize the situation from finding it.

There are a number of us with girls who have been sexually assaulted who respond by taking on a male identity for their own protection. Girls take on a male ID for a number of reasons but IMHO this one is a fairly common and especially tragic reason. When you think about it, it makes sense. In the past a girl might never have thought of this option, or if she did, she would dismiss the idea as impossible, but in today's world any girl can just claim to be a boy and her perfect plan to protect herself is affirmed and put in motion right away with no questions asked. I have been told more than once by various adult males that sexual assault "has nothing to do with" a kid wanting to be trans. Yeah, right.

Your daughter was betrayed by her abuser and the medical system's response is to betray her again in a much different but just as tragic way. I am so sorry.
Posted by dogmom - 15-Feb-2020, 03:20 PM
(15-Feb-2020, 12:23 PM)Solace Wrote: I am so happy that this forum exists!! My daughter has decided she is trans. Here in my city the medical “professionals” just push kids right through to the hormone shots and surgery. There is practically no psychological therapy at all. 

My daughter came out after wanting to commit suicide as she was molested by her paternal grand father. We had some mental health crisis workers come out, police were brought in and we pressed charges. We also had to move as we shared a semi detached. Shortly after her friends came out she did too. 

My husband supports her through guilt. His father molested our daughter so he is standing with her. 

I am alone. Our medical system gave her free testosterone, free needles and now a soon to happen free top surgery. 

My gut instinct is saying this is all because my daughter was sexually abused but I have no say as I have been locked out of the process. 

At least I am not alone

Thanks 


Solace
Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I hope this post gets moved to the member board for privacy and support.
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