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Posted by Mamaheart - 03-Jul-2023, 11:38 PM

(02-Jul-2023, 06:23 PM)Guest Wrote: Hi,

I'm not quite sure if I'm posting in the right place, Apologies in incorrect.

We have a 13 year old daughter who has been questioning her gender. She is currently saying she is a demi boy. She never expressed any preference toward boyish clothes, toys etc as a child despite having a brother of similar age who had boys toys and dress up around she always was very girly. She had a group of girl friends who were very close, in year 6 she was given a phone and she got in to anime as did her friends. She spent all her time on her phone if she could and she became quiet and withdrawn, locking herself in her room. I have since found out that one of the friends suggested she is trans. And they started talking about gender and sexuality.
In senior school she has slowly lost all of her good friends and become friends with the LGBTQ group. I found out that she had tried self harming and I then started secretly checking her messages, she was in a group with all the LGBTQ kids one of which was sending her messages re self harm, this child is a trans girl who also gave my daughter presents like cuddly toys and a book that I found about transitioning. From checking her phone I found out she had a secret relationship with a boy who accepted her as a trans boy, he was sending coercive messages that had the intention of sex, calling her by her preferred name and pronouns. We found out about these messages and confronted her and explained what was happening to her. The police and school were involved in this. We took her phone away for a few weeks and took the lock off her door. We actively involved her in the family and attempted to get our daughter back. She reintroduced to school gradually and the boyfriend kept away. She was referred to councilling and I looked in to councilling, but I don't trust that these councillors are going to give a balanced view as they fear being labelled transphobic themselves so I decided to deal with this as a family.

Over the past 6 months we have set strict limits on phone access, no WhatsApp or socials etc, this has helped and she's not secluded in her room. She is still involved with the lgbtq kids though and this weekend she told me after my questioning her that she feels like a demi boy. She is wearing quite androgynous clothes and after months of asking I let her cut her hair shorter but we compromised to have it as a bob not the shaggy style she wanted.

I truly believe that during the early stages of puberty she was feeling different, she watched things she wasn't emotionally ready for and someone sewed a seed in her mind that made her think this could be the answer. I also think she could be dysbraxic or on the spectrum so she is quite socially awkward, this was an answer for her and she was accepted by these new children who reinforced her ideas. We've asked her if she wants to do physical changes and she's said I don't know yet.

We are absolutely broken by this, it's so hard to know where this is going and what she is intending on doing. We've told her our views and said that no physical changes can happen until she's 18, even then I don't know that I could accept it. I truly think this is brainwashing of vulnerable young girls.

Please help, what can I do? I am desperate for a way forward, its affecting my mental health and all the family.

So many similar stories. My daughter is 14 and you are welcome to read my posts so far to see where I'm at. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. The mental anguish is so hard sometimes. I agree that it seems vulnerable girls find kids who pull them in this direction and maybe for the first time feel accepted socially.

I have not been able to disconnect my daughter from social media and the internet, but I have been focusing on getting her involved in more activities outside the home and also just spending more time inviting her to do anything and everything with me. I don't know where we will end up, but I'm hoping she can build up her self esteem so that as she matures, she won't feel the need for the persona she seems to have created.

Your daughter and my daughter are still pretty young. I'm hoping we have time to help them find themselves as they grow up.

Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 03-Jul-2023, 01:01 AM

(02-Jul-2023, 06:23 PM)Guest Wrote: Hi,

I'm not quite sure if I'm posting in the right place, Apologies in incorrect.

We have a 13 year old daughter who has been questioning her gender. She is currently saying she is a demi boy. She never expressed any preference toward boyish clothes, toys etc as a child despite having a brother of similar age who had boys toys and dress up around she always was very girly. She had a group of girl friends who were very close, in year 6 she was given a phone and she got in to anime as did her friends. She spent all her time on her phone if she could and she became quiet and withdrawn, locking herself in her room. I have since found out that one of the friends suggested she is trans. And they started talking about gender and sexuality.
In senior school she has slowly lost all of her good friends and become friends with the LGBTQ group. I found out that she had tried self harming and I then started secretly checking her messages, she was in a group with all the LGBTQ kids one of which was sending her messages re self harm, this child is a trans girl who also gave my daughter presents like cuddly toys and a book that I found about transitioning. From checking her phone I found out she had a secret relationship with a boy who accepted her as a trans boy, he was sending coercive messages that had the intention of sex, calling her by her preferred name and pronouns. We found out about these messages and confronted her and explained what was happening to her. The police and school were involved in this. We took her phone away for a few weeks and took the lock off her door. We actively involved her in the family and attempted to get our daughter back. She reintroduced to school gradually and the boyfriend kept away. She was referred to councilling and I looked in to councilling, but I don't trust that these councillors are going to give a balanced view as they fear being labelled transphobic themselves so I decided to deal with this as a family.

Over the past 6 months we have set strict limits on phone access, no WhatsApp or socials etc, this has helped and she's not secluded in her room. She is still involved with the lgbtq kids though and this weekend she told me after my questioning her that she feels like a demi boy. She is wearing quite androgynous clothes and after months of asking I let her cut her hair shorter but we compromised to have it as a bob not the shaggy style she wanted.

I truly believe that during the early stages of puberty she was feeling different, she watched things she wasn't emotionally ready for and someone sewed a seed in her mind that made her think this could be the answer. I also think she could be dysbraxic or on the spectrum so she is quite socially awkward, this was an answer for her and she was accepted by these new children who reinforced her ideas. We've asked her if she wants to do physical changes and she's said I don't know yet.

We are absolutely broken by this, it's so hard to know where this is going and what she is intending on doing. We've told her our views and said that no physical changes can happen until she's 18, even then I don't know that I could accept it. I truly think this is brainwashing of vulnerable young girls.

Please help, what can I do? I am desperate for a way forward, its affecting my mental health and all the family.

Hello, guest, and welcome to the forum. Your account has been activated.

I'm so sorry about what you are dealing with. Unfortunately, it all sounds so familiar. It seems what used to be typical teen angst and the trials and trubulations of puberty, has been recast as a medical condition and kids can diagnose themselves with it, basically no questions asked..

It sounds like you are on the right track as far as getting your daughter off of social media, monitoring her cell phone and internet activity, and involving her more in family activities.

Now that your membership is activated, I recommend that you check out the members-only area to read some of our already-existing threads and also to perhaps introduce yourself and tell your story. Most of the members don't frequent this area of the forum much, so they may not see this post.

As I can already mentioned, you are on the right track with your response to what has been going on with your daughter, however, there is a lot more information in the members-only area, in addition to moral support from like-minded parents.

There is hope. You are not alone.

Posted by - 02-Jul-2023, 06:23 PM

Hi,

I'm not quite sure if I'm posting in the right place, Apologies in incorrect.

We have a 13 year old daughter who has been questioning her gender. She is currently saying she is a demi boy. She never expressed any preference toward boyish clothes, toys etc as a child despite having a brother of similar age who had boys toys and dress up around she always was very girly. She had a group of girl friends who were very close, in year 6 she was given a phone and she got in to anime as did her friends. She spent all her time on her phone if she could and she became quiet and withdrawn, locking herself in her room. I have since found out that one of the friends suggested she is trans. And they started talking about gender and sexuality.
In senior school she has slowly lost all of her good friends and become friends with the LGBTQ group. I found out that she had tried self harming and I then started secretly checking her messages, she was in a group with all the LGBTQ kids one of which was sending her messages re self harm, this child is a trans girl who also gave my daughter presents like cuddly toys and a book that I found about transitioning. From checking her phone I found out she had a secret relationship with a boy who accepted her as a trans boy, he was sending coercive messages that had the intention of sex, calling her by her preferred name and pronouns. We found out about these messages and confronted her and explained what was happening to her. The police and school were involved in this. We took her phone away for a few weeks and took the lock off her door. We actively involved her in the family and attempted to get our daughter back. She reintroduced to school gradually and the boyfriend kept away. She was referred to councilling and I looked in to councilling, but I don't trust that these councillors are going to give a balanced view as they fear being labelled transphobic themselves so I decided to deal with this as a family.

Over the past 6 months we have set strict limits on phone access, no WhatsApp or socials etc, this has helped and she's not secluded in her room. She is still involved with the lgbtq kids though and this weekend she told me after my questioning her that she feels like a demi boy. She is wearing quite androgynous clothes and after months of asking I let her cut her hair shorter but we compromised to have it as a bob not the shaggy style she wanted.

I truly believe that during the early stages of puberty she was feeling different, she watched things she wasn't emotionally ready for and someone sewed a seed in her mind that made her think this could be the answer. I also think she could be dysbraxic or on the spectrum so she is quite socially awkward, this was an answer for her and she was accepted by these new children who reinforced her ideas. We've asked her if she wants to do physical changes and she's said I don't know yet.

We are absolutely broken by this, it's so hard to know where this is going and what she is intending on doing. We've told her our views and said that no physical changes can happen until she's 18, even then I don't know that I could accept it. I truly think this is brainwashing of vulnerable young girls.

Please help, what can I do? I am desperate for a way forward, its affecting my mental health and all the family.

Posted by deeply-concerned - 29-May-2023, 02:53 PM

Yes, Zuzu, I cry every day. You are not alone. My daughter is even further down this path taking testosterone, and I too wished I had seen the signs earlier, seen that it was more than a fad or a phase. But you are not alone, and you are in the right place finding this board, and many other resources such as parentsofrogdkids.com and genspect.org, and more. We are stuck in a horrible wave of a cult that hopefully will eventually die down, but our daughters are enmired in it, and it came out of the blue, and our lives may never be the same. But you are in the right place.

Posted by zuzu - 28-May-2023, 08:19 PM

Hello

I'm desperate and don't know where to turn. My daughter will be 18 in March and wants ALL OF IT! She wants hormones, surgery and all the glorious euphoria she sees posted on social media. She is 1 of 5 in a friend group saying they are trans and this child was "all girl" growing up. She never had any leaning toward boy stuff, toys, clothes etc. At 17 she wants a boyfriend desperately and has never even held hands romantically. Its so sad because she is presenting in a way that pushes boys away from her. The kinds of boys she's interested in don't want a a trans boy, they want a GIRL! When this began I asked, "When did you start feeling like this?" She said, "I saw a TikTok and I liked it." REALLY!? How the hell does a kid see a 1 minute video and decide to permanently alter their entire being? We affirmed at first and for about a year and a half until doing some research about side effects and regret. Now realizing that my daughter has fallen victim to the social contagion. We've been trying to appeal to her common sense and show the other side that no one talks about on social media. The surgery gone wrong, the horrific side effects and the lifetime medicalization that she'd be subjected to. But she's a child so she thinks she already knows. Her heels are dug in deep and I regret ever giving this any attention. I wish I'd never affirmed and bought a binder for her to deform her chest with. I want to go back in time and say no to the hair and the clothes and tell her she is feeling normal thoughts at 15 of being insecure and not happy with a changing body. I want to go back and take the phone away, change schools, get away from the toxic friend group and notice the changes I missed because I didn't think it was a problem. I want a re-do with Covid-19 so instead of trapping her in the house with a phone to scroll TikTok, I'd let her out to see other kids and socialize. The guilt is overwhelming and I fear it will be there until the end of my days. Does anyone else cry everyday?

Posted by Mamaheart - 21-Apr-2023, 02:27 PM

(20-Apr-2023, 07:47 PM)hdavid5 Wrote: Hello all, I'm a therapist located in Utah who specializes in working with teenagers or adults who struggle with gender dysphoria or who identify as trans (and their parents who need support as well). I am part of the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association. We will be starting an alliance between therapists in Utah (and hopefully across the United States) to help parents in need. I'm happy to help consult (I can do free consultations to anyone in the U.S.) or provide therapy (Unfortunately, I can only do therapy in the state of Utah right now) to those who may need additional support. Here is my website with contact info - https://www.oasis-ft.com - please feel free to email and/or call/text me. - David

Hi David, are the consultations for the parents to consult about how to help their child, or is the consultation for the teen?

Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 21-Apr-2023, 03:21 AM

(20-Apr-2023, 07:47 PM)hdavid5 Wrote: Hello all, I'm a therapist located in Utah who specializes in working with teenagers or adults who struggle with gender dysphoria or who identify as trans (and their parents who need support as well). I am part of the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association. We will be starting an alliance between therapists in Utah (and hopefully across the United States) to help parents in need. I'm happy to help consult (I can do free consultations to anyone in the U.S.) or provide therapy (Unfortunately, I can only do therapy in the state of Utah right now) to those who may need additional support. Here is my website with contact info - https://www.oasis-ft.com - please feel free to email and/or call/text me. - David

Hello, hdavid15, and thanks for joining the board.

Thanks also for the work you do! We need you and several thousand more of you!

Posted by hdavid5 - 20-Apr-2023, 07:47 PM

Hello all, I'm a therapist located in Utah who specializes in working with teenagers or adults who struggle with gender dysphoria or who identify as trans (and their parents who need support as well). I am part of the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association. We will be starting an alliance between therapists in Utah (and hopefully across the United States) to help parents in need. I'm happy to help consult (I can do free consultations to anyone in the U.S.) or provide therapy (Unfortunately, I can only do therapy in the state of Utah right now) to those who may need additional support. Here is my website with contact info - https://www.oasis-ft.com - please feel free to email and/or call/text me. - David

Posted by Marge Bouvier Simpson - 20-Apr-2023, 01:19 PM

(20-Apr-2023, 04:50 AM)jlynmc Wrote:
(23-Mar-2023, 03:59 PM)Mamaheart Wrote: I've just joined, and I also am just freshly into this with my daughter. I'm hopeful to jump into the member boards soon as this is just eating me up and consuming all of my thoughts. I have always had such good mama's intuition with her and in my gut I strongly feel this is not her truth. I don't know how to balance making sure she knows she is always loved for who she is with making sure she isn't in this place due to social media and as a way to cope with school anxiety.

This is exactly how i feel about my 15 yo daughter. I am looking forward to support from this group.

Hello, jlynmc

Welcome to the board. Your account as been activated.

I'm sorry yet another child is caught up in this madness. You've come to the right place for support. So many people just don't understand what parents in this situation are going through, but this group does.

Posted by WantMyDaughterBack - 20-Apr-2023, 04:50 AM

(23-Mar-2023, 03:59 PM)Mamaheart Wrote: I've just joined, and I also am just freshly into this with my daughter. I'm hopeful to jump into the member boards soon as this is just eating me up and consuming all of my thoughts. I have always had such good mama's intuition with her and in my gut I strongly feel this is not her truth. I don't know how to balance making sure she knows she is always loved for who she is with making sure she isn't in this place due to social media and as a way to cope with school anxiety.

This is exactly how i feel about my 15 yo daughter. I am looking forward to support from this group.

This thread has more than 10 replies. Read the whole thread.

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