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(15-Jul-2020, 08:02 AM)KJmama Wrote: [ -> ]I'm so alone. Friends buy into the new gender ideology, and family is at the other extreme (bad attitudes on homosexuality, gender nonconforming, etc). Even my ex went from acting as a team w/me, to saying our daughter will only pull away more if we "push it." He's "affirming" her, and I'm scared it's a matter of time before she goes to live with him. He has no rules, doesn't moniter electronics, and now says he's "open" to transition....it would be such a nightmare.

I'm even more upset because my daughter just turned 17, so there's not much time before she has medical autonomy. I still hope she'll lose interest or come to her senses before then....I mean, this whole nightmare only started in Aug 2019. But I fear a horrible collision between the timeing of this ROGD phase, and the timeline of my daughter being "old enough" to get hormones/surgery. (Old enough in quotes, because I can't believe 18 yr olds get to make such life altering decisions.)

This whole situation is tearing me up inside.

Hi KJmama, 

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and the tough situation you are in with your ex.

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Welcome. You are not alone.
I am a nervous wreck! How do I save my girls from the worlds evil hiding behind politically correctnes stripping my beautiful girls of their self esteem, self worth, their rights as a woman and ultimately in the end their souls. They should be able to use the internet without falling prey and influenced to become something they are not. Why are there not any filters we can put in place to keep the predators at bay? Our children deserve so much more then the hand they are being dealt. Are there any support groups that I can join that discuss what to do about this epidemic? I need to be part of the change in order to feel I am advocating for the well being of my children!
(02-Aug-2020, 09:06 PM)vegmonster Wrote: [ -> ]I am a nervous wreck! How do I save my girls from the worlds evil hiding behind politically correctnes stripping my beautiful girls of their self esteem, self worth, their rights as a woman and ultimately in the end their souls. They should be able to use the internet without falling prey and influenced to become something they are not. Why are there not any filters we can put in place to keep the predators at bay? Our children deserve so much more then the hand they are being dealt. Are there any support groups that I can join that discuss what to do about this epidemic? I need to be part of the change in order to feel I am advocating for the well being of my children!

You ask some very important questions, vegmonster.

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(02-Mar-2020, 04:58 PM)143mykid Wrote: [ -> ]I am looking for a therapist for my teen girl who has socially transitioned FTM.  I know there are underlying issues with her body that she is trying to escape and she is currently in a protective bubble in a school with a community of other ftm. I am in the New England area. Anyone have any luck in finding a traditional therapist in this area? Any help in this endeavor will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

another mom

(02-Mar-2020, 04:58 PM)143mykid Wrote: [ -> ]I am looking for a therapist for my teen girl who has socially transitioned FTM.  I know there are underlying issues with her body that she is trying to escape and she is currently in a protective bubble in a school with a community of other ftm. I am in the New England area. Anyone have any luck in finding a traditional therapist in this area? Any help in this endeavor will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 I am so sorry that you are going through this -after almost four years of being "trans" and with the help of a really gifted therapist my 19 year old daughter has begun to identify as a girl again, though we still have a very long way to go. We are not in your area, but I would contact Lisa Littman, MD at Brown University- https://vivo.brown.edu/display/llittman. She has done some of the first real research on adolescent  or "rapid onset" gender dysphoria, and she may be able to recommend a therapist who is NOT "gender affirming" in your area (they are getting hard to find, and this work requires someone with more than average skill). A little further away is Lisa Marchiano, LCSW in Philadelphia - she is a Jungian therapist who has also written about adolescents who identify as trans, in a way that makes sense. I have heard that she sometimes consults with families from outside or her area, and she might also be worth contacting. Know I am thinking of you and hoping that you find the help and support that you need. Take good care of yourself,
another mom

another mom

(15-Jul-2020, 03:27 PM)Marge Bouvier Simpson Wrote: [ -> ]
(15-Jul-2020, 08:02 AM)KJmama Wrote: [ -> ]I'm so alone. Friends buy into the new gender ideology, and family is at the other extreme (bad attitudes on homosexuality, gender nonconforming, etc). Even my ex went from acting as a team w/me, to saying our daughter will only pull away more if we "push it." He's "affirming" her, and I'm scared it's a matter of time before she goes to live with him. He has no rules, doesn't moniter electronics, and now says he's "open" to transition....it would be such a nightmare.

I'm even more upset because my daughter just turned 17, so there's not much time before she has medical autonomy. I still hope she'll lose interest or come to her senses before then....I mean, this whole nightmare only started in Aug 2019. But I fear a horrible collision between the timeing of this ROGD phase, and the timeline of my daughter being "old enough" to get hormones/surgery. (Old enough in quotes, because I can't believe 18 yr olds get to make such life altering decisions.)

This whole situation is tearing me up inside.



Dear KJmama,

I wanted to write because I know how scary it is to think your child can make their own medical decisions about this in only one short year, and because I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this nightmare. my daughter determined that she was trans at 16. She involved CPS who, before I was eventually cleared and the records destroyed, substantiated abuse solely because the worker believed it was "emotional abuse" not to affirm her male gender. I was then prevented from getting her the mental health care she so desperately needed. She was cutting, attempted suicide multiple times, ran away, and was living in a group home when she turned 18. I was terrified, as I knew she was getting substandard mental health care and was surrounded by "affirming" adults.  But, although she then had the power to make her own medical decisions, oddly, she did not get medical help to transition. Instead, she eventually returned home and asked me to find her a therapist. With the help of the gifted and wonderful person, my daughter at age 19 and a half is in college and no longer identifies as male.  We have a very long way to go, but she is growing and healing. I wanted to let you know that while time is terrifyingly short when you are facing this situation, there is still the possibility that your daughter will grow enough in the next year to protect herself, and get the help she needs to figure out who she is, free of the affirming bias. In the meantime, know my thoughts are with you, and with her. Keep breathing, and loving her. I wish I could make this easier for you both, but since I can't, know you are not alone, and you are not wrong. Trust yourself. 
My 19 y/o daughter, who is on the autism spectrum (high-functioning) recently came out as trans-male. She wears either gender-neutral clothes or male clothes. She's yet to seek out prescriptions for testosterone, but I notice that she is taking a natural supplement that says it stops estrogen (she's hoping it will change her voice; it's not). She says she doesn't want top surgery at this time, but she changed her name (we aren't calling her that).

She's pretty much online most free hours of her waking schedule (which is mostly nocturnal); this has been going on for years. She has a history of cutting, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, dabbled with drinking alcohol and huffing, and for a year thought she was anorexic and even went into inpatient treatment when she refused to try having healthy eating habits. She has difficulty regulating herself when she is angry, but mostly she doesn't know how to navigate offline/in-person social situations, and misinterprets social situations/people. She is sexually promiscuous online yet she exhibits extreme paranoia when around males who might give even the smallest hint of attraction to her, and despite identifying as bisexual, she hasn't attempted to get out there in the offline world to try dating in a real way.

She is an adult now, so she can make her own choices. But my husband and I strongly feel that we need to somehow communicate to her the risks of testosterone and top surgery, if she tries to pursue this (we'll drop her from our insurance if she does). We also want to communicate to her what we are learning about Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) by what we are currently reading (going through a GREAT book by Abigail Shrier right now). But before we do that, we feel like we need to also hear from other families going through the same thing, learn from them, and also hopefully find support too. Thanks!
(08-Sep-2020, 12:57 AM)Scooterbink Wrote: [ -> ]My 19 y/o daughter, who is on the autism spectrum (high-functioning) recently came out as trans-male. She wears either gender-neutral clothes or male clothes. She's yet to seek out prescriptions for testosterone, but I notice that she is taking a natural supplement that says it stops estrogen (she's hoping it will change her voice; it's not). She says she doesn't want top surgery at this time, but she changed her name (we aren't calling her that).

She's pretty much online most free hours of her waking schedule (which is mostly nocturnal); this has been going on for years. She has a history of cutting, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, dabbled with drinking alcohol and huffing, and for a year thought she was anorexic and even went into inpatient treatment when she refused to try having healthy eating habits. She has difficulty regulating herself when she is angry, but mostly she doesn't know how to navigate offline/in-person social situations, and misinterprets social situations/people. She is sexually promiscuous online yet she exhibits extreme paranoia when around males who might give even the smallest hint of attraction to her, and despite identifying as bisexual, she hasn't attempted to get out there in the offline world to try dating in a real way.

She is an adult now, so she can make her own choices. But my husband and I strongly feel that we need to somehow communicate to her the risks of testosterone and top surgery, if she tries to pursue this (we'll drop her from our insurance if she does). We also want to communicate to her what we are learning about Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) by what we are currently reading (going through a GREAT book by Abigail Shrier right now). But before we do that, we feel like we need to also hear from other families going through the same thing, learn from them, and also hopefully find support too. Thanks!

Hello, scooterbink. I'm sorry to hear of yet another family dealing with yet another autistic kid who believes they are the opposite sex. So many of our stories start with the same basic details. 

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Welcome.
Hi, I’m new the forum, but I’ve been grappling with the same issue that so many of you describe. My daughter has adopted this idea that she is trans and now identifies as a boy (with the short hair, baggy clothes and sweatshirts in the summer, unshaven legs, etc.). I’ve made my stance clear, and I’ve tried to tell her that perhaps there are underlying issues causing her to feel depressed—issues with self-confidence and self-image. I’m scared to take her to a psychologist or therapist because I don’t want this belief of hers to be affirmed. I’m already feeling alienated—the high school she attends affirms this desire to identify as a boy and has allowed her to do so without contacting (or conferring with) me. I’ve threatened to take away access to YouTube and the internet in general, but she responds by accusing me not having her best interests in mind and wanting her to feel alone and depressed. I try to avoid the topic of gender as much as possible now because it always sparks argument. I can tell that her assertions in our arguments are the template types spoken by YouTube personalities who make non-supportive parents out to be the enemy. 

I’m just at the end of my rope, and I know there’s not much I can do, but it is comforting to find a group of parents who know how this feels. I totally subscribe to the idea that ROGD is real—my daughter’s closest friend is a girl who also identifies as a boy, and this whole idea really took hold of her when she entered high school last year and became friends with a group of teens identifying as trans. 
(16-Sep-2020, 06:07 PM)mkochend Wrote: [ -> ]Hi, I’m new the forum, but I’ve been grappling with the same issue that so many of you describe. My daughter has adopted this idea that she is trans and now identifies as a boy (with the short hair, baggy clothes and sweatshirts in the summer, unshaven legs, etc.). I’ve made my stance clear, and I’ve tried to tell her that perhaps there are underlying issues causing her to feel depressed—issues with self-confidence and self-image. I’m scared to take her to a psychologist or therapist because I don’t want this belief of hers to be affirmed. I’m already feeling alienated—the high school she attends affirms this desire to identify as a boy and has allowed her to do so without contacting (or conferring with) me. I’ve threatened to take away access to YouTube and the internet in general, but she responds by accusing me not having her best interests in mind and wanting her to feel alone and depressed. I try to avoid the topic of gender as much as possible now because it always sparks argument. I can tell that her assertions in our arguments are the template types spoken by YouTube personalities who make non-supportive parents out to be the enemy. 

I’m just at the end of my rope, and I know there’s not much I can do, but it is comforting to find a group of parents who know how this feels. I totally subscribe to the idea that ROGD is real—my daughter’s closest friend is a girl who also identifies as a boy, and this whole idea really took hold of her when she entered high school last year and became friends with a group of teens identifying as trans. 

Hello and welcome.
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