About the Gender Critical Support Board

[kano]

Hello,
Reading the comments on this introductory "about the board" thread I am concerned that this group is only for parents who want to make their children be just what they, the parent, want the child to be.  I'm looking for a group of people who are willing to support their children on their journey to self-identity - even if the end result is not what we, as parents, really want.  My child is in the "Rapid Onest Gender Dysphoria" category with a history of self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety, and social struggles and they are now demanding male pronouns, hormones, and surgery.  I am not a fan of this route but it is not my decision, however, it is my job to guide and support to the best of my ability with an emphasis on understanding the impact of life-long, irreversible decisions.  Therefore, my child and I are currently in (mild to moderate) conflict because I won't agree to medical treatments until there have been at least 2 years of mental health and supportive therapies.  (Side note: Personally, if we had to have a gender issue I'd rather the non-binary non-gendered lifestyle, although I identify as female with she/her pronouns, and thus I have decided to try to use they/them pronouns when referring to my child.)
I have trans friends and friends who are trans parents and I fully support the trans community, I will not be joining a group that does not support transgender people and transgender rights.  I will not tolerate an anti-trans attitude.  What I need and want is support for myself in the job of supporting my child in their journey of self-identity.  Is this that place?
Thank you

[Guest]

my daughter has high functioning autism spectrum. she is 17. and two years ago said she is a boy, with the year learning about transgender at school and said that she identified with it. but never before had any issues being female. I didn't know what to do. I let her change her name. I let her dress how she wants to dress and de-emphasis her femaleness. Btw, she was extrodinary pretty and at times really liked that but then quit. Her hormones seem off, she has side burns. and seems to be experiencing male hormones.

Also, I'm physically very feminine. And also had ptsd from getting beaten. I think her gender disphoria is related to the attack I suffered but she doesn't think so.

I was going along with it, as long as no hormones or surgery, but when she strarted wanting to take it that far, I felt like I made a mistake going with it. she is on lexapro to help manage an anxiety disorder. Which I wish I started sooner.

I dont care if she wants to express herself as a "tomboy" or boy and style her self however she preferrs, but I do care about her hating her body and disconnecting from past self. and I really dont think she could handle hormones. and I totally dont want her having any permanent disfigurement.

I dont know what to do, but I regret going with it. but I am scared not to.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hi, guest. Your story is a familiar one, with the autism, the trauma and learning about trans at school. Parents have compared stories and so, so many of these kids are on the autism spectrum, have OCD, ADHD, social anxiety, are gifted, same-sex attracted, into anime, have been bullied, or have suffered sexual assault or harassment, or have recently endured some sort of traumatizing event such as the death of a loved-one, moving away from friends, being rejected by a love interest, parents divorcing, etc.

I think you've made the right call regarding the hormones, but because you say she is growing sideburns, I hope she has not somehow come into possession of testosterone online or some other way, for example through a "helpful" adult. Perhaps she is just styling her hair to look like sideburns? Or perhaps she has PCOS, a symptom of which is high testosterone in females.

I invite you to join up as a forum member, and then you'll be able to access the members-only areas, where you'll find lots of advice and support. Just click on "register" up in the black bar, above. You'll need to provide an email address to join, but it will never be shown on the forum. You can choose any pseudonym you like for your screen name.

Hope to see you "inside."

[CloudyDays9]

Just when I thought there wasn't anyone, any other parents out there that feel my confusion and sadness... I found this board. Thank you for being here. 

My adult (over 18) daughter was first a lesbian for years. Totally fine with that. Then her partner was trans. Now, my once girly girl is claiming trans. 

I'm trying my best not to "offset" anything. Everything revolves around her new gender ID. She is insisting I call her by her new name. Insisting I use proper pronouns. She threatens suicide constantly. I feel so alone with nobody to talk to. I escape by working overtime and actually enrolled in college to further my career. It's actually a really long story but this is the basics. 

I also feel she lives in a fantasy world with the internet. I feel the internet is a big influence on her behavior. She was not part of the technology world until the end of high school... when smart phones came out and we got a computer. 

Idk how to speak anymore let alone breathe. ☹

[ForeverYoung]

Thank you GC for providing all us parents a safe place to share, find answers and support. Upon reading several post I am amazed that all our stories are very similar. My daughter decided last week that she too has gender dysphoria and is convinced that she needs hormone blockers and needs to transition before she turns 12 or she will kill herself. 2 weeks ago she stated: "I dont identify as anything other than a girl whos 11" and now she's convinced she was born in the wrong body and wants to be a boy. She is so convincing and my heart hurts seeing her in so much pain, I pray she looks inward and can find the strength to love her true self without transitioning. I support my girl and will go to hell and back for her however as a preteen I will not be the one who puts the ammo in the gun! Next month we have an appt. with Brandon ITO MD at UCLA Child Adolescent Psychiatry and you better believe I am going to vet him! I know nothing about him other than he supposed to be highly trained in this field. Any additional referrals (Los Angeles) or thoughts on Dr. Brandon Ito would be helpful https://www.uclahealth.org/brandon-ito .

[mom1211]

Thank you GC for providing all us parents a safe place to share, find answers and support. Upon reading several post I am amazed that all our stories are very similar. My daughter decided last week that she too has gender dysphoria and is convinced that she needs hormone blockers and needs to transition before she turns 12 or she will kill herself. 2 weeks ago she stated: "I dont identify as anything other than a girl whos 11" and now she's convinced she was born in the wrong body and wants to be a boy. She is so convincing and my heart hurts seeing her in so much pain, I pray she looks inward and can find the strength to love her true self without transitioning. I support my girl and will go to hell and back for her however as a preteen I will not be the one who puts the ammo in the gun! Next month we have an appt. with Brandon ITO MD at UCLA Child Adolescent Psychiatry and you better believe I am going to vet him! I know nothing about him other than he supposed to be highly trained in this field. Any additional referrals (Los Angeles) or thoughts on Dr. Brandon Ito would be helpful https://www.uclahealth.org/brandon-ito .

Hi Forever Young,

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you are going thru this. Jumping to your question about this doctor. Thanks for sharing his link. His website says that he is a champion of LGBTQ and reading on he has multiple mentions of this. My advice is to cancel the appointment.  Speaking as a mom who has been to a therapist who is very proaffirmation and they saw themselves as an advocate for transgender and gay rights. That type of doctor or therapist is not going to be objective. They are not able or ready to accept the possibility that there are a bunch of kids out there, especially young girls who are declaring that they are trans and are probably not transgender. 

See if you can investigate what your daughter's online and social media history is. Any online friends or visits to online chat rooms? What friend groups she has in school and are they also trans? Any exposure to the GSA club in school?

[MariaInCali]

Thank you GC for providing all us parents a safe place to share, find answers and support. Upon reading several post I am amazed that all our stories are very similar. My daughter decided last week that she too has gender dysphoria and is convinced that she needs hormone blockers and needs to transition before she turns 12 or she will kill herself. 2 weeks ago she stated: "I dont identify as anything other than a girl whos 11" and now she's convinced she was born in the wrong body and wants to be a boy. She is so convincing and my heart hurts seeing her in so much pain, I pray she looks inward and can find the strength to love her true self without transitioning. I support my girl and will go to hell and back for her however as a preteen I will not be the one who puts the ammo in the gun! Next month we have an appt. with Brandon ITO MD at UCLA Child Adolescent Psychiatry and you better believe I am going to vet him! I know nothing about him other than he supposed to be highly trained in this field. Any additional referrals (Los Angeles) or thoughts on Dr. Brandon Ito would be helpful https://www.uclahealth.org/brandon-ito .

I have some thoughts here, but since this is a public facing board, I'll wait until you post on the inside forums.

[Alana]

Just when I thought there wasn't anyone, any other parents out there that feel my confusion and sadness... I found this board. Thank you for being here. 

My adult (over 18) daughter was first a lesbian for years. Totally fine with that. Then her partner was trans. Now, my once girly girl is claiming trans. 

I'm trying my best not to "offset" anything. Everything revolves around her new gender ID. She is insisting I call her by her new name. Insisting I use proper pronouns. She threatens suicide constantly. I feel so alone with nobody to talk to. I escape by working overtime and actually enrolled in college to further my career. It's actually a really long story but this is the basics. 

I also feel she lives in a fantasy world with the internet. I feel the internet is a big influence on her behavior. She was not part of the technology world until the end of high school... when smart phones came out and we got a computer. 

Idk how to speak anymore let alone breathe. ☹

Hi CloudyDays9,
I am so sorry you are going through this but I'm glad you found the forum. It doesn't look like you've gotten any responses, so I would re-post in the Our Stories forum.
My 21 yr old son came out totally out of the blue last September and this is unbelievably hard. I still feel like a newby here, but my best advice is to subscribe to Sasha Ayad's Patreon account ($5-10/month) and watch her videos about ROGD and how to deal with it. It's tough when they are legally adults but her videos are still applicable. Also, 4thwavenow and transgendertrend are both great websites to explore. I've also learned a lot on Twitter by following gender critical folks, detransitioners and older transsexuals who are mortified by the number of young kids transitioning, becoming activists and destroying the reputation they have worked to achieve for decades. It makes me feel better watching detransition videos on YouTube. There is a group of four female detransitioners called Pique Resilience Project that is making videos. They also have a Patreon account but post on YouTube as well.
So many of these trans identifying girls turn out to be lesbians only. It's just really trendy right now to be trans, and social media serves as a recruiting mechanism.
I'm sorry it took so long for you to get a response, but if you post in Our Stories more people will see it and you will get lots of support. You are not alone.
Hugs!

S - 22

[Needmydaughterback]

Good morning and thank you for allowing me to part part of this forum. My daughter just turned 15. She was diagnosed with HF autism at 13 years old. She was bullied in elementary school and never really fit in or had friends in school. She loved to cheer and dance and do horseback riding. The stress of going to public schools stressed her out to the point of making her physically sick so after discussing the options with her therapist we decided to pull her out and homeschool her. She still has her best friend from school who is going through her own sexual crisis, as in she doesn't know if she is straight, lesbian, or bi. She met another friend through this first friend and this one is trans. Not sure which way. So right before we pulled her out of school she started with this "I like to dress like a boy". I asked her if she was attracted to girls and she said no just wanted to dress like a boy. I said there are lots of tomboys so ok. She told her friend that she came out to me. So about 2 months after we pulled her out of school and all she has time to do is youtube and social media, it started with the I'm non-binary. She cut her hair and requested to be called Ari. She told her friend she came out to me. So no a year later and she has asked to start taking T. I have told her no!. She first posted on social media that she wanted to start taking it. I asked her if she was still non-binary and she said yes. I asked why then do you need to take it. She said she would have to get back to me. So now her getting back to me is saying that she is masculine/non-binary. (How is that even a thing???????). This is just garbage someone is filling her head and telling her what to say. This last time she also wanted to change her name again. Still to a gender neutral name. None of this makes sense to me. She still does things that girls do. Her latest request is to hang fairy lights from her curtains. OH, yes she told her friend she came out to me. I swear it is for attention. She so wants to be accepted and this is her in for that. I'm excited to learn and share on this forum.

Sorry for the really long story.

[Marge Bouvier Simpson]

Hello and welcome to all our recent new members. All of you now have your memberships activated, so please come on into the member-only area where we can continue this discussion. You've gotten a couple of great replies already, but it's likely you'll receive even more info once you post in the members-only area.

I would like to add, for any guests reading here, how uncanny it is that all our stories have so many similarities. There just must be something to this, especially when we see certain conditions or qualities over and over again, such as autism, OCD, ADHD, trauma, sexual abuse or rape, bullying, same-sex attraction, giftedness, social problems such as awkwardness/loneliness/not fitting in, kids who do not conform to today's sex stereotypes, or being adopted or a twin, etc. Kids and young people deserve to have these things explored thoroughly before doctors slap a trans label on them and start dishing out blockers and hormones.

As far as Dr. Ito goes, I personally have no experience with him, nor have I even heard of him, but the typical advice from parents on this board, as you've already received from mom1211, is to stay far away from gender specialists. If they are experts in this field it seems they should be able to discern a "true" trans person from one who is claiming to be trans for attention or as a coping mechanism for dealing with other issues, however, it seems there are no requirements for labeling a person as trans other than taking their word for it. So basically, just about any one for these specialists will affirm any person as trans as long as the person tells the doctor they believe themselves to be trans. An expression I have seen used to relate to this situation is "When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail." Please proceed carefully in regards to this doctor.